Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

AIBU or expecting too much from my sisters wedding??

47 replies

cheza9126 · 17/06/2016 17:48

Ok so my sister is getting married and she's chosen a girl who she has only knew for a few years and who is a teenager to be her bridesmaid, she has not mentioned why she hasn't chosen me but being her sister I would have expected to be at least offered to be a bridesmaid for her. We don't see each other much but we share everything so it's not a case we've drifted apart. I'm quite annoyed as she was my bridesmaid and also gave me away so she played a big part on my day and now I feel comepletley left out of it all. My mum and dad have split up years ago and don't talk anymore and she has both sets of parents on the top table and I'm left with people who aren't even family and a massive difference in age and personality.

Can't help feeling upset about the whole thing but woul like to know if you think I'm being unreasonable or can think of anything why she wouldn't have asked me.

OP posts:

Report

PurpleDaisies · 17/06/2016 17:51

If you are as close as you say you are, talk to her about it. It does sound surprising that you weren't asked.

Tworingsandamicrowave · 17/06/2016 17:52

YANBU but are you able to talk to her about this and tell her how hurt you are?

wheresthel1ght · 17/06/2016 17:53

Ultimately it is her choice. My sister was my bm but I wasn't hers.

She may have a different role in mind for you but unless you speak to her you won't know.

PirateFairy45 · 17/06/2016 17:55

Maybe she wants you to be maid of honour?

PPie10 · 17/06/2016 17:56

Yanbu to feel upset especially about not being included in the top table. If you are very close I think you should ask her.

Lighteningirll · 17/06/2016 17:58

That sounds harsh yanbu

SeaCabbage · 17/06/2016 18:01

Well it's her choice about who she wants as a bridesmaid and you just have to deal with that. BUT, I would ask her calmly if she could seat you with people you would rather be with. That seems fair enough.

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2016 18:05

Just ask her.

scarlets · 17/06/2016 18:08

I understand how you must be feeling. Talk to her.

Perhaps she subscribes to the idea that married women can't be bridesmaids? I know that was a "thing" when my mates were having big weddings in the late 1990s.

At the risk of opening a can of worms, if she's larger/plainer than you, she may not want the comparisons. Apologies if that's way out of order.

MrsHathaway · 17/06/2016 18:19

Do you have children? Maybe she is deliberately choosing someone who will fawn over her and give her her full attention on the day.

Do ask. She may have another role for you eg as a witness or doing a reading. She may have assumed you didn't want to get involved in all that stuff.

BoxofSnails · 17/06/2016 18:28

If you have children you can't traditionally be a bridesmaid - would she be bothered about such things, hence choosing someone younger? But I would hope you'd get some sort of role, it sounds like you need to talk to her and tell you how you feel about things.

TipBoov · 17/06/2016 18:51

Just speak to her - let her know how disappointed you are.

TooGood2BeFalse · 17/06/2016 19:01

I thought my sister and I were really close..she eloped to get married and told my WHOLE family except me.Our brother went as well as several of her work colleagues!

I just waited for her to eventually tell me...it didn't happen and I never found out why. In the end I just decided it was her day, she must have had her reasons and I didn't want ruin it by causing any drama.

Was a very hurtful, bitter pill to swallow though.

cheza9126 · 17/06/2016 22:54

Thanks for the replies. It's tomorrow so there is no hope of her having other plans for me. I know I should have spoken to her about maybe and let her know how I felt but like you say toogoodtobefalse it's her day and I don't want to cause any drama for her that's the last thing I want. I'm just hurt I guess I must have thought we were closer than we are. Yes I have children but I know that would be no reason for her not choosing me, if she wanted me as bridesmaid she would have me.

Thanks for your comments. Xx

OP posts:

hanban89 · 17/06/2016 23:00

I'm sorry about how you are feeling, it's not a nice thing.
I do think it's strange that you have not been asked and I would be feeling quite hurt.
I am also a total hothead and would have probably just not went had it been me! But that is probably a total OTT reaction to most people.
I hope you still manage to enjoy the day.

HeddaGarbled · 17/06/2016 23:34

Lots of people do go for young photogenic people for bridesmaids - it makes for better photos!

A bit shallow and thoughtless of her if that's her motivation but it doesn't mean you aren't important to her. She was younger and unmarried and childless when you got married so the dynamic is different.

The top table arrangement sounds traditional and is not a snub to you. Presumably you will be with your husband and children.

You can really enjoy the wedding as a social occasion without any duties or obligations except to have fun if you can try to put aside your feelings that you should have had more of a role.

Have your parents said anything?

yougotitdude · 17/06/2016 23:46

Honestly? I think its her day and its upto her.

Just because you share eveything doesnt mean anything. I have friends I share everything with- but id probably pick the friends I see more often and know more about day to day me then them.

cheza9126 · 17/06/2016 23:49

Thanks Hanban89, it has crossed my mind not to go but yes probably a bit extreme!!

I accept the top table is for parents and bridesmaid etc and I'm not part of it however we do have a lot of younger family with other children that I feel we would have been better suited to rather a much older couple who we have absolutely nothing in common with, I can't help feeling snubbed and think she's only put me with them as she doesn't want us to have a good time. It's funny you should mention about the age as she was my age when she was my bridesmaid and she's older than me too...didnt bother me about having a young pretty bridesmaid

OP posts:

SouperSal · 17/06/2016 23:51

I didn't ask my sister to be my bridesmaid (only had one). Never occurred to me.

cheza9126 · 17/06/2016 23:51

Yes I agree it's up to her which is why I haven't voiced my opinion...doesn't stop me from feeling hurt though

OP posts:

KateLivesInEngland · 17/06/2016 23:55

I'd be hurt too cheza, people can say it's her day yada yada all they like! She has excluded you without explanation and it hurts. A lot.
Lots of hugs for getting through tomorrow

MargaretRiver · 17/06/2016 23:56

It would be fair enough to ask her if there's any way you &DH could sit with cousin X or Y instead of great aunt Z
It's not like the seating plan is set in stone at this stage
But I wouldn't say anything about the bridesmaid thing

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

cheza9126 · 17/06/2016 23:58

Are you married soupersal? Did she play a part at your wedding? I think that's the main reason I'm annoyed, she expected to be bridesmaid at mine yet she hasn't given me a thought at her wedding

OP posts:

cheza9126 · 18/06/2016 00:04

Aww thanks katelivesinengland it does hurt. I will do my best to look like I'm having a nice day.

I did ask to be moved but she gave me a look as if she has so many other things to do she didn't want to move me, she never actually answered me. I guess I will just do the best with what I have

OP posts:

SouperSal · 18/06/2016 00:09

Yes, I'm married. She played no part at my wedding. She was just a guest.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.