AIBU that I am not happy that a group of people who have never met my ds in addition I have never met the person representing my son but they will make a life changing decision about his education?

(92 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

PeppasNanna Fri 17-Jun-16 13:45:56

As tge title says.
Ds is Autistic.
Hes 11.

His school have requested extra funding as they are struggling to met his needs.

Without the funfing his placement will cease in July.

I'm desperately looking for another school but no luck so far.

Can you imagine 'normal' dc being treated like this?

PeppasNanna Fri 17-Jun-16 13:46:32

blush typos! Sorry on my phone!

horizontilting Fri 17-Jun-16 14:00:23

Flowers: flowers OP

My sons (special educational needs) school sent a note home a couple of years ago to say the school would be closing for the month of July. With 2 weeks notice. As there were not enough experienced staff available.

I cannot imagine a mainstream school even thinking that was an option.

Msqueen33 Fri 17-Jun-16 14:04:32

Will the school still be open? But if he loses funding he can no longer go? Is that right? Are you happy with the school? They and you need to fight the lea if he's not getting the support he needs. Good luck. Two of my dc have autism so I know it can be a battle.

FauxFox Fri 17-Jun-16 14:07:54

YANBU - why is someone you have never met representing you? Can you demand to attend?

roundtable Fri 17-Jun-16 14:12:56

Yanbu op - the rigmarole I'm going through just to try and appeal a turned down ehcp is bad enough.

To go through upheaval like that must be awful.

flowers I hope it works out for you.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Fri 17-Jun-16 14:18:44

Absolutely agree OP. There are so many things DS2 (ASD) has been subjected to that would be completely unacceptable for DS1 (NT). It infuriates me, most of all because he (ds2) is not in a position to stand up for or defend himself. It sucks.

Hope everything works out for you and ds, good luck flowers

amarmai Fri 17-Jun-16 14:29:31

Horrible to read how hard it is for cc with difficulties to get some support. I am not in UK but have read about organizations for parents with this problem. Can you get support and perhaps representation from them? I have also read of parents paying an educational psychologist to represent their child. It's a life long battle and you will have to be stronger than you feel.

Lonnysera Fri 17-Jun-16 14:40:11

I'm so sorry to hear that, OP. Kids with additional needs get shat on. There's a huge rise in home education and a massive part of that is the shit provision for any child who isn't exactly school shaped.

bigbluebus Fri 17-Jun-16 14:48:05

It is not uncommon for meetings to take place and decisions made without us being able to represent our disabled children or any of the people at the meeting having met them (or us). I remember a phone call from DD's Social Worker telling me that a meeting had taken place to discuss DD's request for overnight respite. The reps at the meeting were from Continuing Healthcare and the respite facility - I think the Social worker had submitted a written report. The 2 people at the meeting decided that the facility couldn't meet DDs needs - even though neither of them had ever met her and on paper, the facility technically could meet her medical needs and was the only in-county option available. Thankfully I didn't want DD to go there so didn't challenge the fact that the meeting had gone ahead without us, but I was stunned that this had actually happened.

user1464519881 Fri 17-Jun-16 14:52:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Alachia Fri 17-Jun-16 14:59:38

This sounds horrible and unfair. Hope things go well.

Lonnysera Fri 17-Jun-16 15:10:50

User1464519881 are you actually really aligning the (optional) 11+ exam with the possibility of a child losing his school place? Seriously?

PurpleDaisies Fri 17-Jun-16 15:17:49

Many children doing an 11+ exam will have a life changing decision made about their education without the school meeting them as they only get interviews if they get beyond the written paper and have high enough marks, so sadly these decisions are very very common for loads of children.

That is not in any way a comparable situation.

AugustaFinkNottle Fri 17-Jun-16 15:18:56

Well, User, I've seen some utterly crass posts in my time, but I think yours takes the biscuit.

PurpleDaisies Fri 17-Jun-16 15:19:30

op that must be an incredibly stressful situation for you and your son-I really hope you get a good panel who make the right decision regarding funding for your son.

AugustaFinkNottle Fri 17-Jun-16 15:19:45

OP, I'd suggest getting in touch with SOS SEN or IPSEA urgently for help.

GreatFuckability Fri 17-Jun-16 15:27:46

Yes, because going to grammar school is exactly as life changing a kid with SN losing their school place hmm.

LineyReborn Fri 17-Jun-16 15:31:32

I wouldn't bother engaging with any of the goady user+numbers at the moment.

MNHQ are supposed to be sorting this shit out.

FrayedHem Fri 17-Jun-16 15:43:38

YANBU. Are you in England? Is he statemented/has an EHCP? LA's have been warned about hiding behind panel decisions, there is always an actual individual with whom the ultimate responsibility rests. I hope the funding goes in your favour but if not there is help out there to fight it.

bostonkremekrazy Fri 17-Jun-16 15:49:04

we had this peppasnanna - panel met 3 times this year to decide on my sons school place - not one person on that panel had ever met my son or had any idea of his needs. we did make several complaints, but apparently its the system - his case officer should understand his needs enough to put them forward - the case officer who in 5 years has met him 3 times for 5 minutes each time! sheer madness....

manicinsomniac Fri 17-Jun-16 15:56:22

YANBU to be upset. I don't if YABU to blame the school, it depends.

Is this a private school? If so, speaking from experience (teacher not parental) it can be so so hard to get the LEA and/or the MOD to take a child and their funding needs seriously. The number of times we get the answer 'tell the parents to pay for it' or 'ask the child to leave' is absolutely disgusting.

Sometimes the school can work really hard and it still isn't enough. Our SENCO was talking to me about a child in my class yesterday who she estimates takes up roughly a whole day of her working week. Yet, the child themselves she only sees for 2 hours - the rest of the time is endless, endless paperwork, meetings, phonecalls, emails etc just trying to get this child what most other children in the school take for granted. It's really sad but, if we don't get what is needed for the child, they are going to have to leave.

I hope a solution is found for your son. I agree it's really bad. I don't necessarily agree that mainstream is right for every child but we need to include or provide proper provision - not 'include' badly.

Notonthestairs Fri 17-Jun-16 16:14:39

Peppa - is it worth contacting IPSEA? They have been brilliant when we have needed advice.
It is bloody frightening when you realise how little input the parents of children with additional needs have within a system supposably designed to support their child.
Will be keeping my fingers crossed for your son.

BishopBrennansArse Fri 17-Jun-16 16:18:41

User - don't take the piss

PeppasNanna Fri 17-Jun-16 16:28:45

I'm not blaming the schoolconfused.
Hes had a Statment since he was 5.

The school is an independent Autistic Specific school. Its ridiculously expensive. The school want him to have a 1-1 to support him as his behaviour is very challenging. Ir will cost the LEA another £15k per annum if they give the school what they are asking for.

The SEN caseworker presents the case to the Panel. We've never met her. I've never even spoken to her. All communication is via email or post.

This is the system if your child has SEND

If we are turned down, the placement eill cease & he wont have a school place as of September.

There are no suitable school places in this borough. Hes been in his school since he was 7.

Its just not fair. I've done everything & anything possible to help ds in school but even in a special school, he's the most extreme...sad

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