To end an eulogy in church with a round of applause

(31 Posts)
anahata Thu 16-Jun-16 14:39:53

Hi

I'm doing an eulogy next week in church. I'm making notes on what to include. At the end, I was going to ask for people to stand and applaud the friend and his wife for their unconditional love. Is this appropriate? I've never done this before so really don't want to cock it up.

PPie10 Thu 16-Jun-16 14:40:27

No I think it would really be inappropriate.

snorepatrol Thu 16-Jun-16 14:41:19

No I don't think it's appropriate. Sorry for your loss

Sammysquiz Thu 16-Jun-16 14:41:32

I wouldn't, bit inappropriate in a church.

AuntieStella Thu 16-Jun-16 14:41:43

What sort of church? In some you just don't clap. In others it's fine.

Can you ask the priest what their norm is? And ask the family about their preference?

TheSparrowhawk Thu 16-Jun-16 14:42:09

I wouldn't build it into what you're saying - you'll have to get a feel for whether the moment is right or not. In fact, I would say it's such a difficult call to make that it's best to leave it out entirely. Why not invite everyone to have a silent moment where they think of and give thanks for their love?

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers Thu 16-Jun-16 14:43:08

My first thought is that it wouldn't be appropriate, but I think auntie is right too - ask the family and the priest first. Especially the family, because the wife might actually not like the celebratory implications of it, however nicely you mean it.

CheeseAndSprinkleys Thu 16-Jun-16 14:43:47

Ive been to one where this was done, it was arranged by aunt and she's a Quaker and that's what they do apparently. It was nice.

DoItTooJulia Thu 16-Jun-16 14:44:00

I gave a eulogy in church last year and it was met with a spontaneous round of applause. The vicar was thrilled!

I don't think it's usual, so maybe seek advice from whoever is leading the ceremony?

anahata Thu 16-Jun-16 14:44:40

I'm seeing the wife tomorrow so I'll ask her then.

Thank you for your replies.

Tiggeryoubastard Thu 16-Jun-16 14:44:41

No. Absolutely not appropriate. And weirdly, it seems a bit patronising. Don't even ask. They may be too stunned to say no. It's an awful idea.

BreconBeBuggered Thu 16-Jun-16 14:48:29

Applause is best left to break out spontaneously. I've seen that happen a few times at funerals.

namechangeparents Thu 16-Jun-16 14:49:51

No. Absolutely not appropriate. And weirdly, it seems a bit patronising. Don't even ask. They may be too stunned to say no. It's an awful idea

Complete overreaction. As others have suggested, talk to the family and see what they want. Probably better if it's spontaneous rather than requested though.

NarcyCow Thu 16-Jun-16 14:50:13

I've seen it happen too, but spontaneously, never on request. It really depends on the tone of the eulogy but I could see it working.

Knackered46 Thu 16-Jun-16 15:02:42

I gave a eulogy at my sisters funeral last year and when I finished spontaneous applause broke out. I think in part it was because our mum had died 6months before, and I did her eulogy too...

Even if I say so myself, it was a good eulogy. grin but painful and emotionally hard work.

We had a picture of my sister in a frame on her coffin, and I was regaling them with a tale about a memorable fight we once had, and my sisters picture suddenly fell flat on it's face! My cousin was directly in front of it, and hurriedly set it upright.

And the vicar was crying too (sister was a lay reader at the church) we were all crying and laughing...

Sorry 🙏 Am waffling - I guess what I mean to say is the tone of funerals can vary enormously, and I would worry that asking people to applaud might possibly be a bit much for some folk... Maybe you could see what the tone and the emotional atmosphere is like on the day?

Hope it all goes well flowers

gabsdot Thu 16-Jun-16 15:27:58

I seems to have become quite common here in Ireland to have applause after the eulogy during funerals.
Personally I hate it, I think it's awful, noisy, disrespectful.
I kind of get why people do it. They want to add their support and thanks but a loud Amen would do better IMO

ApostrophesMatter Thu 16-Jun-16 15:29:22

No. Don't ask people, that would be too cringe-making.

CarlGrimesMissingEye Thu 16-Jun-16 16:24:41

I'd never ask but I did get a round of applause at the end of my dad's eulogy. For my dad I hasten to add. But then 50% of those gathered knew him via theatre!

But don't ask. Do you know if the would want that sort of attention?

firesidechat Thu 16-Jun-16 16:28:56

This is a funeral? I've been a part of lots of churches from Church of England through to happy clappy house churches and it would be hugely inappropriate to ask for applause. If it happens spontaneously that's fine, but don't ask for it please. Cringe, cringe, cringe.

firesidechat Thu 16-Jun-16 16:31:45

Are you the man who married us op?

He suggested that after we were married we should turn around and face the guests and they could give us a round of applause. We weren't happy with this at all and said no. He did it anyway and it irritates me no end, even 30 plus years later.

Witchend Thu 16-Jun-16 16:31:58

I don't think asking for applause is appropriate.

Also some churches do not like applause in church. I went to one where a prize giving was held in silence because they didn't allow applause. It was somewhat weird, but at the end they gave three cheers which was allowed. confused

ilovesprouts Thu 16-Jun-16 16:34:55

I went to an old school friends funeral at a cemotorium we sang let me go and they was quire a few claps .

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 16-Jun-16 16:35:06

Inappropriate to ask people to clap but nice if it happens spontaneously, which it did at my FIL's funeral.

derxa Thu 16-Jun-16 16:45:05

Inappropriate to ask people to clap but nice if it happens spontaneously,
Yes. It depends on the tone of the funeral as well. There were two eulogies at my dad's funeral. Mine and someone else's. It was a celebration of someone who died at 92. People clapped everything because we told funny stories and there was poetry and solo songs. It is very inappropriate in my view to ask people to clap. A bit football crowdish if you know what I mean.

firesidechat Thu 16-Jun-16 16:56:07

Please don't ask the widow. She's got enough on her plate without having to decide whether to have a gimmicky round of applause in the middle of her husband's funeral. Honestly she has more important things to worry about, so just leave it.

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