Please give me the bollocking I deserve. I really lost it with my kids this morning.

[Lonnysera]

Am so ashamed and sad. I shouted, I said "for fucks sake" really loudly, I slammed the door, I stomped. I shouted at the top of my voice at DS2, I slapped DS3 on the bum. I shouted "I've bloody had enough,"

I'm crap at this.

[AnnaMarlowe]

Why? Was it something particularly went wrong today? Or was it cumulative stress from something else?

Take a deep breath, channel your guilt into making a plan to be better tomorrow.

We're none of us perfect. It's always possible to improve though.

[BibbidiBobbidi]

Oh honey!

I'm not going to give you a bollocking, you're doing a good enough job of that yourself!

We all lose it from time to time. Any parent that tells you they don't is a bloody liar!

Sit down, have a brew and start again. Put it behind you and move on.

Don't beat yourself up

[frumpet]

No you are not crap , you are human , feeling bad about it afterwards means that you are a caring parent , who had all their buttons pushed at the same time , it happens .

[Pinkheart5915]

Ok so not your finest day and I don't like the slapping part but it's done now you can't change it. As long as it's 1 bad day you've had, it happens to everyone at some point.

Are you on your own now? Have a coffee and a little calm down

How old are your children? Have they been playing up a lot?

[acasualobserver]

It could have been worse. You could have slapped both of them. And there are ruder words than fuck. Cut yourself some slack.

[mummymeister]

Hands up any parent that hasn't lost it with their children?

don't beat yourself up. just try to work out if there was a reason that it happened and sit down with them after school and have a chat about when you are feeling calm.

I have done the shouty thing a number of times and my kids aren't damaged because of it. in fact they know that it only happens when I have had enough, they realise they have pushed the boundary too far and it usually makes the thing that they did not happen again.

[Namechanger2015]

I did similar to my DDs last night and felt so so guilty all evening. This morning my 6yo got up and cuddled me and said she loved me.

We all lose it occasionally. It's not great, but as long as its balanced out with lots of love and care for them as well they will see it for what it is - a one-off.

If you are constantly critical or constantly swearing in front of them then that's a different problem but it doesn't sound like you are. Cut yourself some slack.

Are you particularly tired or stressed about something else?

[Lonnysera]

Don't be nice, it makes me worse!

One of my twins was just off the scale arsey, he argued with everyone, about everything, the wrong cereal bowl, wrong spoon, screaming about his socks, his shorts, wouldn't get dressed, wouldn't put his shoes on, wouldn't sit in his seat and shouted the entire time. His twin hates noise and kept doing a really really loud high blood curdling scream every few minutes I think to block it out. And he absolutely wouldn't stop. He just kept screaming, even as I dressed him, and I shouted at him, really close up. He stopped but he said "I really hate you mummy."
DT2 and DS1 had a fight over their favourite pebble. () They came up to fight in front of me whilst I was actually sitting on the toilet. And I chucked them out and slammed the door. Then DS1 threw the stone at DT2, and there was more screaming.
Then DT1 saw me opening the shoe cupboard but he wanted to do it and ran and slammed it on my hand and that's when I slapped his bottom. DS1 has autism and has auditory processing thing and couldn't/wouldn't hear me and I had to repeat everything over and over just to get him to get his socks on. He can't hear when he's overwhelmed, which he was with the screaming from the other two. That's when I swore.
We all managed to get in the car and then DS1 suddenly climbed out and ran off to get something. And that's when i said I'd had enough.

I love them all so much so why can't I keep my shit together? I've got PMT, have cricked me neck and I'm so ratty and ashamed.

[Mitel]

Have you thought about anger management so you can get your frustration out in a positive manner, and not on the children?
There are meant to be some good courses out there.

[MERLYPUSSEDOFF]

Consider yourself bollocked.


(seriously though, I was doing the same in my head this morning and rather than let blow, I cried in the kitchen once I'd dropped them off. Some days are shit)

[LittleWingSoul]

Arghhh blimey don't be ashamed! You are only human! Sounds like a morning from hell :-/

Regroup and relax... I'm sure they won't even remember. Kids are very forgiving (and forgetful!)

[Lonnysera]

Thankyou. They all seem to wond each other up. DS1 is 6, the twins are 5 and although they love each other, they jostle constantly. It's bloody draining.

[redexpat]

I will recommend a book that is fairly popular among MNers. How to talk so children will listen. It helped me be less shouty.

[JudyCoolibar]

Might the twin who hates noise also have a sensory processing problem? Maybe getting some help with that would help generally?

[Lonnysera]

Thanks redexpat, I have it and need to remember it rather than lose it.

[Lonnysera]

Judycoolibar yes that's quite likely and he is in the middle of being assessed for this and possibly some form of autism.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

I don't think you need anger management to have lost it a little bit dealing with that madness!!!

Lots of tricks to use, count to ten, deep breaths, walk away etc..

[scampimom]

Have done almost the same (without the swearing, but only by a miracle), stormed off crying - was on the point where I could have knocked DD down I was so frustrated. It's hard to forgive yourself for it, but I doubt little ones even remember it next day.

No help I know, just wanted you to know you're far from being the only one who's done this.

[scampimom]

And kids ARE annoying. It's sort of in their job description.

[CocktailQueen]

You don't need anger management - what a ridiculous comment, Mitel.

That sounds like the morning from hell. And you have to deal with that every day? You deserve a medal.

[budgiegirl]

Don't beat yourself up over it, we've all been there. I honestly believe that it does no harm for your kids to see when they've really pushed you to your limit (as long as it doesn't happen often). You'd have to be some sort of saint not to have lost it this morning.

I remember one time when my two eldest were small, my DH was away, and the kids just wouldn't get in the car. They's been playing me up all morning. i just yelled in their faces "Just get in the fucking car!". And I never swear normally. Of course, it was made 10 times worse by the fact that my elderly neighbours were walking past at the time. They just smiled and said " you can't send them back, dear". I felt just awful

[MissMoo22]

Even reading your post sent my blood pressure up Lonny so I am not surprised you lost your rag. Sounds like a really eventful morning and one that would have me frazzled.

[TheSparrowhawk]

An apology to the kids is definitely needed. Then you need to sit down and have a think about how to manage mornings better so everyone can have an easier time, including you. Some screaming and being a pain is inevitable, so you'll have to suck it up to a certain extent but with some strategies, rewards, new routines you should be able to minimise it. That said, some mornings will inevitably be shit, and on those mornings you'll have to have a strategy in place for when you start losing your cool. Once you start losing it, they'll get worse and it all snowballs so it's important that you can lower the temperature asap and try to get things back under control.

[LizzieVereker]

Oh my goodness, that sounds like a morning which would try the patience of a Saint! I really don't think you should beat yourself up about it, nor do I think you need anger management. I doubt if you are habitually shouty/slappy, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling guilty about today.

I'm glad you've got the book the PP recommended, because there will be other days like this, but I don't think you deserve a bollocking at all, just a sympathetic manly shoulder punch and these

[snowgirl29]

Lonnysera no bollocking from me either. I think you already feel bad enough about it yourself. I suspect most of us have been pushed to the limit at some point.
The bickering/complaining/whining can drive you nuts sometimes. Mine only have to look in the wrong direction on some mornings and I have to call the UN in . Put it down to a bad morning and you'll do better tomorrow.