To not give this 'friend's' child a lift to school anymore

(229 Posts)
elodie2000 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:01:54

DD has been 'friends' with this girl since the start of primary school. I have know my 'friend' (her Mum) for the same number of years. We have met each other socially many times in the past.
They both started high school 5 miles away from home at the same time and are coming to the end of their first year. I have taken them both in the car all year and was happy to do so because I thought DD and friend's daughter were good friends. I also thought I was good friends with her Mum.
However…I have not seen (or really heard from) this girl's Mum all year. It's almost like I am now doing this 'job' for her and she doesn't really need to make an effort anymore. I get very short text messages to arrange pick up times etc. but that's it. The girl has also turned out to be not such a good friend to DD after all. She is very competitive, ignores DD when she tries to make conversation (replies with one word answers) and is rude to me (no hello, goodbye or thank you).
Today, this girl spent the journey looking out of the window and DD didn't bother with her as she's given up trying.
WIBU to just text Mum and say we're not able to give her a lift anymore even though I know she would struggle to get her DD there herself?
Give a reason? Not give a reason? WWYD?

Fratelli Wed 15-Jun-16 21:03:54

Yanbu. Don't do it anymore and don't feel bad. She basically sees you as a free taxi service.

Pettywoman Wed 15-Jun-16 21:05:42

YANBU. Text her and tell her it is no longer working for you. Don't feel bad, she's taking you for granted.

wheresthel1ght Wed 15-Jun-16 21:05:51

I would just explain that it no longer works for you and as dd and friend are no longer friendly it would seem a good time to dissolve the arrangement.

I would suggest that you arrange to continue up to the end of term but tell her that from September she will need to make alternative arrangements. Gives her plenty of time to sort something out then

Ilikesweetpeas Wed 15-Jun-16 21:06:15

I works explain that from Sept this arrangement doesn't work for you anymore. That way you are giving her plenty of notice. No explanation needed.

SisterViktorine Wed 15-Jun-16 21:06:16

I don't think you need to give a reason if it just doesn't work for your family anymore, or at least you certainly don't need to justify yourself.

Will it make things awkward for DD at school though?

magoria Wed 15-Jun-16 21:06:47

Don't give a reason.

Just send the text saying 'sorry, cannot continue the current arrangement beyond x date, you will have to find an alternative'.

Mouikey Wed 15-Jun-16 21:06:57

YANBU, I would also say that if you do choose not to give a lift to explain how you feel and I would also call the DD out for being so rude.

elodie2000 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:07:28

Do I text? phone? I 'd prefer to just text and not give a reason. I don't want to have to explain! angry

AyeAmarok Wed 15-Jun-16 21:07:36

Do it until the end of term and let her know now that you'll do ot until then, but won't be able to do it next year as it no longer suits.

Gives her plenty notice.

YANBU.

CocktailQueen Wed 15-Jun-16 21:07:46

Yanbu at all - it's not up to you how this mum gets her child to school!

Just say the girls aren't getting on and the arrangement doesn't suit you any more.

What an ungrateful bat your 'friend' is.

elodie2000 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:07:55

x post!

AyeAmarok Wed 15-Jun-16 21:09:13

I'd just text her. You obviously don't have a relationship with her beyond cursory perfunctory texts (as that's all she gives you) so no need to call or do it face to face.

Text is fine. No explanation beyond "it no longer suits".

londonmummy1966 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:09:31

Just say it won't work for you from September and leave it at that. DOn't give a reason and you've given her ample notice to sort something else out. I am always happy to help others if they are appreciative and their children make the effort to be polite to mine in the car but otherwise stuff'em

VimFuego101 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:09:38

YANBU - they're in high school so presumably the girl can get a bus by herself. Give the mum notice now that you will only be doing it till the end of term.

Boogers Wed 15-Jun-16 21:10:04

Don't feel bad. The local authority will provide her with a free bus pass to get to school. You are not this girl's carer. It is her parent(s) responsibility to get her to school, not yours.

My gut feeling is that you're being taken for a ride, but as soon as you say no both mother and daughter will move onto some other sap and become best mates with them for a while.

Been there, done that, wiser now.

RiverTam Wed 15-Jun-16 21:10:29

If she's only sent you brief texts then that's how you communicate with her.

Goodness. I would hope that if someone did this for DD I would make damned sure that, even if they're not friends, the very least she can do is have some manners!

elodie2000 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:11:35

Thanks everyone! Yes, I could go to the end of term! I'll give her Mum 'notice'.
It's such a shame! It won't make things awkward at school. They aren't in classes together.

elodie2000 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:13:39

Boogers 'My gut feeling is that you're being taken for a ride, but as soon as you say no both mother and daughter will move onto some other sap and become best mates with them for a while.'
This is my gut feeling too. sad

sleepyMe12 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:14:31

I wouldn't do it until the end of term, I'd give one weeks notice.
If they can't even be bothered to be friendly why should you keep do them favours?

Dozer Wed 15-Jun-16 21:14:40

I wouldn't even do it til the end of term, I'd give 2 weeks notice max!

We lift share with a friend and it's reciprocal but has thrown up some hassles and made our friendship more functional and edgy that it was before which is a shame.

Melonrunner Wed 15-Jun-16 21:16:31

Is there a reason why her dd can't get a bus or why she can't take her herself? Does she give you any money to contribute to the car journey? I wouldn't put up with her dd being rude for starters! I think it'll make things awkward if you drop the lift. Have you asked your DD's opinion?

TheWitTank Wed 15-Jun-16 21:17:04

You are being kind by even going until the end of term. This mum has been using you as a free taxi/childcare for ages -I wouldn't dream of expecting anyone to do this for me without contributing towards fuel costs or at the very least saying thank you and giving a bottle of wine/box of chocs now and again! Beyond rude. You don't need any excuses -just that you won't be continuing the arrangement beyond date.

BabyGanoush Wed 15-Jun-16 21:18:36

Yes, just a nice friendly text

Saying that from Next school year (september) it'll stop.

For example: " Hi, just to let you know that I won't be able to continue our current school run arrangement next school year (Sept). How are you? Not seen you for a while, would be nice to catch up some time soon, xx "

I would offer no apologies or lengthy explanations, that usually backfires and she'll guilt trip you!

I have cancelled similar arrangements a few times when it stopped making sense.

You have saved her about £700 in bus money (bus passes here are 60 a month) so you DO NOT owe her anything! She owes you big time. So don't feel guilty.

elodie2000 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:19:05

I'm now thinking one week/two weeks notice sleepyme/Dozer!
I could just keep giving lifts but we've both had enough!

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