To just want some bloody furniture?

[CockleCockleShell]

DP and I moved into a new flat in April. We'd been renting a one bed furnished flat in the posh bit and bought an unfurnished four bed place in the shit up and coming area. I'm not on the deeds or the mortgage because DP is an accountant and, according to the bank, a proper person. I'm a lowly postgrad with no job security or taxable income, so all my savings were to go for the furniture budget and I pay him half the mortgage every month plus bills so it's about even.

As our first flat was getting sold by the landlord, we packed up our stuff and put it into storage and moved into my best mate's place for a few weeks. Then when we moved in, I was away at a conference then he was away, plus I work opposite hours to him.

During this time, DP argued that there was no point considering any kind of furniture, even a bed, because we didn't know the dimensions. Fair enough, but after nearly two months on an airbed, I put my foot down and we got one ordered for delivery the week we moved in. Bed is a bed no matter how big or small your rooms are! After some stropping, he went and let me buy some bedding. Under duress. Because he figured that a sleeping bag works just as well. A week later, he bought a tape measure.

In the first week we went bed shopping, we back with two Indian chests and a tree trunk for a coffee table. End of discussions. Still no chairs, no clothes storage, no kitchen table. Beanbags instead, and I'm not allowed a microwave because he thinks they're trying to kill him. Cutlery because I told him I'd go without him and pick it for him.

After another month, I shouted at him because our clothes are STILL in boxes and there'd be no movement or discussion on the wardrobe front because the bedroom 'design' means absolutely nothing in it but a bed and two rugs (from the old place). He build a garment rail out of copper piping in the boxes room that's held to the wall with climbing quickdraws because copper piping is fuckingbendy.

Turned a cupboard into a wardrobe with IKEA crates. Shouted and bribed and moaned and he went shopping for chairs. We came back with a Victorian painting easel and a box of medical textbooks from 1890. No chairs. The crates don't fit in the cupboard. He's decided we need more space and wants to build a new rail upstairs. That was about a month ago. It's now the place he hides boxes he wants me to think he's unpacked.

Forced him to IKEA to get the office set up so I can finally do some work. Got desks, which he complained were too small, then we finally got chairs. DP is a ridiculous person and we've got multi-coloured egg chairs. Bribed him to go to a furniture shop and he stormed out because he thinks it's not cool enough and it's the kind of furniture owned by people on Gogglebox he doesn't like it.

Ordered sofas a few weeks ago but they come in July. We've got a table made by some social enterprise that also takes weeks but I had to bribe him with 'urban botanist' plants so he'd buy legs for the fucking thing. Legs are in a box in our hallway. He let me buy shelves so I'd stop shouting at him. There's nothing on the shelves because he wants it to be minimalist.

Our friends think it's hilarious but they don't have to live here. I hate beanbags. We don't have any lights, or proper chairs, and our stuff is all in boxes and this week he spent £20 on a ham stand for the kitchen. I've got 5k sat in a bank account from working ten hour night shifts, it's not like he's got to fork out for any of it! But if I buy things he'll sulk like fuck!

AIBU? Should I just roll with it and accept it takes an age to furnish a place?

[DesolateWaist]

Buy stuff and if he hates it that much he'll leave. Sounds like a win win to me.

[TheseLittleEarthquakes]

You're not on the deeds or mortgage, you're not married and you're paying half the mortgage? Fuck that shit.

You are in a very precarious position. The lack of furniture is a red herring.

[SparklesandBangs]

Why are you with him.
Move out and use your money to furnish your own place

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

No table
No wardrobe.
No security.

The last one worries me most

[TheseLittleEarthquakes]

Did you contribute to the deposit? How have you protected that investment?

[AdoraBell]

Another vote for moving out. Use your money on your place, however small it may be, and buy the furniture you want.

I predict it won't be long before the list of what you are 'not allowed' to have begins to grow.

[DesolateWaist]

Fuck that shit.
I second that.

Really, deep down, you know that the furniture isn't really the problem. Your failing relationship is the problem.

As said above you have no security.
If you aren't on the mortgage details then you can walk away without a worry.

Personally I would keep the money and be looking into moving out.

[CockleCockleShell]

The lack of security does give me the fear, that's why I delayed buying a place for a few years. But my mum pointed out to me that he's in a precarious position too: if I up a leave, he's stuck paying the whole mortgage himself and I could easily refuse to pay a single penny. He refers to the place as 'our' flat and keeps correcting me if I say 'his'.

I'm buying into the mortgage next year and he's more than happy to sign a joint responsibility 'I legally can't throw you out' document in the meantime and we drafted one up. It's not worth the legal fees at the moment, but the fact that he's more than willing to do it makes me feel better! He also originally calculated the mortgage with me on it but the bank told us to do one and come back when I pay tax.

[DesolateWaist]

And what the fuck is a 'ham stand'?

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

So it's his flat then. You not on the deeds or mortgage= huge red flag. Forget the furniture.

[DesolateWaist]

if I up a leave, he's stuck paying the whole mortgage himself

Tough shit. Don't be a controlling twat then. The mortgage is in his name only and therefore based on his wage only. He should be able to afford it on his own.

[CockleCockleShell]

desolate it's literally a stand to put a ham on. I've never seen anyone so happy to open a package.

[NoCapes]

So you pay half of his mortgage on his house for him
You're also furnishing his house for him
You have to ask permission to buy things with your money
And if he disagrees with things you buy he sulks like fuck with you

He sounds like a peach!
run the fuck away!

[Ginmakesitallok]

No, if you leave and he can't afford the mortgage he's still got a house to sell and whatever equity is in it. You however, have nothing (not even chairs...)

[TheseLittleEarthquakes]

Is he a hipster? I've never met the bloke but I'd quite to throttle him.

[londonmummy1966]

Just because you are not an accountant doesn't mean you are not a proper person - or is DP telling you that the bank says it won't put a SAHM on the title deeds/mortgage. Did you go to the meeting with the bank or are you just going on what DP told you was said? There's no way you shoud be contributing like a lodger to this guy's mortgage repayments when he won't even provide you with the proper furniture a lodger would expect. Presumably if you split up he will argue that the flat is his and the furniture yours?

[DesolateWaist]

So you don't have a bed of a sofa but the ham has a stand?

Walk away and don't look back.
Can you honestly see a future with this man?

[ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets]

He sounds like a right prick.

Move out, buy your own furniture and buy a ham stand to set fire to.

I'd bet that £5k you have in your bank that when I comes to you 'buying into the mortgage' it will get delayed and delayed and it'll never happen.

[CockleCockleShell]

Speaking of mortgages, we can't be the only people to have this issue. I always put forward the argument of people where one partner is a SAHP and the other is in paid employment, or if they have no kids and only one is earning. Surely only one person is on the mortgage then as well? Or are they listed as a dependent maybe?

[ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets]

No, they're both on the mortgage.

I think you've been spectacularly lied to, more than once, about more than one thing.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

If you up and leave he can get a couple of lodgers in, no problem. He's not the one in a precarious position, you are.

Get something drawn up legally or stop paying him more than what would be a reasonable rent.

[albertcampionscat]

I rather like the sound of him, but if you're paying half the mortgage you really should be on the deeds.

[OhtoblazeswithElvira]

What??

Those are not reasons to not put your name on the deeds.

He is fleecing you.

Run

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Yes I was a SAHM for years. We moved house twice in that time. I was always on the mortgage. We aren't married either.

[CockleCockleShell]

The savings were for furniture because he knows I run out of funding next year and he wants to make sure I've got financial security without him. So I didn't put in on the deposit. I went to all the bank meetings and looked through the spreadsheets, plus the solicitor meetings. I negotiated the price of the flat with him as well. So I knew what I was getting into. I've also lived with him for four years and been with him for seven. I know he's a bit off the wall but it's my favourite thing about him. I just thought he'd have his shit together by now.

He hates the beanbags as much as me. But chairs don't fit into his design strategy. Apparently it'll be better when we get the sofas.