about group presents?

[popmimiboo]

Birthday party/ presents hoo-ha:
Mum A has 10 year old boy/ girl twins. DD is v good friends with the girl and fairly good friends with the boy. They usually have a joint party and DD has always taken gifts for both. Fairly standard I think.

Anyway, this year Mum A decided to throw a surprise party for the twins (a couple of months after their birthday as they hadn't got round to celebrating with friends for some reason.) She sent a text to the invitees parents explaining it was top secret.

I replied that it was a fab idea, DD would be there and I'd keep schtum! I didn't tell DD and planned on telling her on the Saturday morning as she wouldn't have the opportunity to let it slip!

Next thing, 2 school gate mums, (Mums B and C) sent a text out asking that all the invitees give a donation to Mum C to buy a group present as "the children are getting older and would prefer one big present to several little ones."

Ok, I would have preferred to take DD out shopping to chose her own gifts but, not wanting her to be left out, I duly handed over the cash. Mum C's child then decided to talk about the surprise party at school so DD found out, spoiling her surprise and, she suspects, Mum A's DD.

Finally, no text or message about the "big gift" and DD came home perplexed as Mum C's DD had basically just gone out and bought a load of presents -felt tips, note books, sweets... Not even a joint card, signed by everyone.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off? There were 20 invitees and I gave £20 and expect the others gave similar amounts.

[Paniniswapx3]

That's shocking - I'd ask outright what she spent the money on.

[hollyisalovelyname]

I'd be fuming.

[Grouchymare]

Yup I'd be really cross and would probably ask what she'd spent the money on.

[ermmm]

£20 each for a group present. That would amount to some serious money Not felt tip / books type!
Ask her.

[TheDisreputableDog]

So Mums B&C have collected £400 and gone to Poundland..?

I would ask for your change

[popmimiboo]

Ok, so it's not just me being a stroppy cow then?!
I don't know how much the other parents gave and maybe some only gave for 1 twin but I would have easily spent a tenner on each so thought £20 was about right.
I was expecting something techy or, I don't know, the boy twin would have loved a guitar and the girl twin is really into riding? Or theme park tickets?

What pisses me off most is that I know that all the families involved can easily afford to give what I did and Mum A is, less well off than most and has had a hard time lately but is extremely thoughtful and generous.

[icelollycraving]

I'd be asking how a load of felt tips cost a couple of hundred.

[RaeSkywalker]

Yes I'd be asking to know what the gift is and see a card.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I would've asked what they were intending to buy before parting with the cash.

I hope it's not as bad as you think, for the sake of the twins and their lovely mum!

[coconutpie]

What the heck? So Mum C did a collection for one big present and instead of doing just that, bought a few little presents and said they were all from her DC? I would be fuming, that is outrageous. You need to call up Mum C and find out what has happened here. Mum A is probably wondering why your DD gave no gift!

[KayJBee]

Has the party actually happened yet? Do you know for certain what has been purchased with the collected money or is this all based on Chinese whispers of 10yr olds? You say it is the daughter of mum C who bought these things, is it possible that a larger present has been bought but there was some money left over. So mum C said to daughter, go spend the change on things that twins would like?

[SabineUndine]

Wait for her to say that her contribution was organising it. I had a friend at uni whose soul had 'I'll chip in on that' engraved on it, because she was too cheap to buy a gift.

darkly I know the type.

[popmimiboo]

I don't think Mum C tried to pass them off as her own gifts but I think the twins wondered why it was child C who chose and wrapped everything!
DD printed out a "special" photo of her and girl-twin as an extra gift. I think I'll help her make another one for boy-twin and invite them both round this weekend.

[popmimiboo]

Oh yes, the party was last Saturday. I've been working late but will try to grab mum B or C tomorrow and ask. I have no reason not to believe DD and have had no message from mum B or C saying what was bought or even thanking us for the contribution. I don't really know them -mum B is mum of a boy that DD doesn't play with and mum C is newish to the school.

[Pinkheart5915]

Ask the mum what she brought? I don't think it would be rude too as you did give the money so normal to ask.

Felt tips, notebooks and sweets do not cost even the amount of money just you put in so what did she do with the spare did she keep it? Did she even put anything in herself or just use other people's money?

[Dakin1]

Whoa that's definitely suspicious. Have you spoken to any of the other 20 mums who put money in? Chances are they are equally pissed off and wondering what she spent the cash on. I would ask to see receipts!

[popmimiboo]

I'm picking up tomorrow (for once) so will have a chat with the other mums and try to grab B or C to innocently inquire.
Will post back!

[Dakin1]

Yes let us know. I bet mum C gets defensive - a sure sign of guilt!

[hollyisalovelyname]

Do report back please.
Very odd.

[MonkeyPJs]

I hate these sort of situations when you feel like you're a bad sport for not going along, but it's not something you wanted to do in the first place.

Had a weird thing recently with a joint gift for a much-loved nursery teacher - it felt afterward like the organizer had angled themselves to be the Most Generous Parent and we were all just going along with it. It also diminished the purpose of gift-giving - in some cases, when you have a particular relationship with someone, I think something small from the heart is better than contributing for something you didn't chose yourself. in this case a weird glass ornament

[popmimiboo]

Missed them at the school gates!! I just spotted mum C as I was driving off.
I've double checked with DD and she said girl-twin got: a drawing set (felt tips, crayons and a big drawing book), plus a big tub of haribos. Boy-twin got some figurines and comic books.
Think I'll text mum B (if I can find her original text asking for money) and inquire. Maybe all the other parents only put a couple of quid in?

[shiveringhiccup]

Intriguing, do report back.

I suppose you could also casually ask Mum A what the presents were if you get a cagey answer from Mum C.

[shiveringhiccup]

X post. Good plan to check with Mum B. Are you friends with any of the other mums to check with them?

Even with 20 lots of a couple of quid plus your £20 that's still not much for that amount of money!

[popmimiboo]

Text sent:
"Hi. Just wondering what gifts were bought for L & M on Saturday? I asked DD but she seems to have forgotten the main things."

... No reply yet

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

If it turns out that she pocketed the money I would definitely be telling Mum A. Thr absolute brass neck of some people!

[LagunaBubbles]

Very odd.