AIBU to have walked out of the doctors crying today

(101 Posts)
alittlebitofwhatyoufancy Tue 14-Jun-16 14:52:12

My doctor appointment was because I had a sore eye so I wasn't really going in upset or anything!

My gp asks about what support I have every time I go there this time he just wouldn't leave it alone. Giving a speech about how "for thousands of years women have raised children with the help of the community". It is bad timing for this as my dh left on the weekend and I have no one else.

I think I just took it the wrong way but when he said "let us help you be a good mother" I pretty much just lost my ability to cope.

I held it together to get to the door of the surgery but spent most of the walk home crying.

Was I being unreasonable to be so upset I feel like the speech etc was a little uncalled for as realistically unless he is offering to be my best friend or come and clean my house for me (both seem unlikely grin) what the hell good is it for him to tell me to magic up some support!

araiba Tue 14-Jun-16 15:08:05

he was asking questions as it his job to give a shit about you

Floggingmolly Tue 14-Jun-16 15:09:49

He said "let us help". He hardly said that in a vacuum. What support did he offer you access to?

alittlebitofwhatyoufancy Tue 14-Jun-16 15:12:01

I know it's his job but the point is he can't and didn't actually say anything to help at all . I should say I do actually really like him as a gp but today I was just really upset and I'm finding it hard to decide what's upsetting and what I'm being a mess about lately!

Floggingmolly Tue 14-Jun-16 15:14:52

Maybe he was just trying to let you know that some support is there; if you feel you need to ask?
It must be tough flowers

dogdrifts Tue 14-Jun-16 15:16:19

Why was it bad timing? It sounds like it was perfect timing? If your h left this weekend, you may need some additional support. The surgery probably has links to practical help (home start etc) as well as being able to recommend support groups etc. It sounds as though the doc has a far greater holistic view than writing a prescription (although of course that is also a service they can provide). The earlier the better to offer help in these situations tbh. No point leaving newly separated mothers until they are at their lowest ebb and then throwing a few pills their way.

Be kind to yourself - this wasn't a criticism, just observations and a discussion so that you know where you can access support if you need it. We are always very bad at asking for help, even if we need it. Just know that it's there. And a reminder to use your own 'village' family friends etc. Good luck x

mouldycheesefan Tue 14-Jun-16 15:17:32

He offered help, sounds like you need it💐 could you go back to see him and say that you reflected on the suggestion of help and actually as your relationship just broke up, yes please you would appreciate more info on what help is available. There is no shame in saying " yes please" to offers of help. 💐

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 14-Jun-16 15:20:58

"My gp asks about what support I have every time I go there"
So this is not just about today's appointment. Why does he always ask you this?

FeckinCrutches Tue 14-Jun-16 15:23:54

There must be some kind of back story to this if he's always asking you?

January87 Tue 14-Jun-16 15:30:28

Why does he always ask what support you have? Have you ever expressed that you feel like you were not coping well to him? Does he maybe have some suspicions that your husband was being abusive towards you?

Just5minswithDacre Tue 14-Jun-16 15:39:41

That all sounds very odd. How did the conversation take that turn?

BoffinMum Tue 14-Jun-16 15:40:17

TBH it sounds like he is being kind (or trying to be). Are you looking tired and run down? What can he offer?

Rafflesway Tue 14-Jun-16 15:40:56

"Let us help you be a good mother" hmm

Sorry but that statement would certainly upset me unless there is a back story OP! Why on earth does he think you AREN'T a good mother?

Floggingmolly Tue 14-Jun-16 15:41:26

Actually; how did he know your dh left at the weekend?

SilverBirchWithout Tue 14-Jun-16 15:42:26

Was the sore eye as a result of DV, OP?

It does sound like your GP is genuinely trying to get you help and support through this. He really is not judging you.

Just5minswithDacre Tue 14-Jun-16 15:44:06

Was the sore eye as a result of DV, OP?

confused

What? OP would probably have mentioned that if it was.

Floggingmolly Tue 14-Jun-16 15:45:04

So how did the "my husband's left" conversation come about?

LizKeen Tue 14-Jun-16 15:45:56

You went for a sore eye and it ended up being about your parenting.

Unless it was a black eye from DV there is a huge gap here that needs filled in.

Why does he think you need support?

Just5minswithDacre Tue 14-Jun-16 15:47:03

I think you're getting a 'no smoke without fire' reaction from several posters here.

My doctor appointment was because I had a sore eye so I wasn't really going in upset or anything!

So you were absolutely fine, not upset or emotional, just had a slightly sore eye, went to GP appointment, showed him the eye, didn't mention emotional, parenting, or family issues and he nevertheless got a bit hugger-mugger, 'it takes a village' on your arse?

Is that right?

DailyMailEthicalFail Tue 14-Jun-16 15:49:32

Yy - 'let us help you be a good mother' implies you need help with that!

Unless he has evidence this is so then that is uncalled for.

If he does it 'all the time' then I'd change GP.

Just5minswithDacre Tue 14-Jun-16 15:49:39

Maybe he's been encouraged to improve his 'bedside manner',connect with his parent patients better, or generally be more approachable by someone higher up and has lost the plot a bit in the process??

MrsDeVere Tue 14-Jun-16 15:50:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Just5minswithDacre Tue 14-Jun-16 15:50:43

Or he leapt to similar DV type conclusions hmm

alittlebitofwhatyoufancy Tue 14-Jun-16 15:50:54

My eye had nothing To do with domestic violence it is excema grin.

I probably should have said that I take fluoxetine for post natal depression in my first post! That's probably why he asked I would think. But apart from that I have never said anything about having a lack of support or struggling with the children. The post natal depression was mostly because I was unwell (with pneumonia) after having my baby which made it hard to cope I think . Rather than anything else.

HeteronormativeHaybales Tue 14-Jun-16 15:51:55

I too would feel hmm and not a little angry about 'let us help you be a good mother'. Patronising at best, insinuating (that I wasn't one) at worst.

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