in regards to death, is this normal?.

(18 Posts)
PirateFairy45 Mon 13-Jun-16 15:02:24

We have lost a few people in the last 5 months. And I think my daughter is struggling to cope.

She's 3.5. This isn't the first time but earlier I caught her playing with lion toys (a mummy, a daddy and a baby)

The 'mummy' was led down and she was playing out that the mummy had died and she got emotional about it, then the 'daddy' came along 'cuddled' the baby.

Especially these last 2 weeks, she's been especially clingy, and bad tempered at times then getting upset because she's missing her grandpa (her words).

Is it normal for her to play it out this way?. I

monkeyandlion2012 Mon 13-Jun-16 15:24:53

Yeah kids often play out there feelings . My dd now plays resuscitation with her teddy's she seen it happen to her brother heartbreaking but normal

OneArt Mon 13-Jun-16 15:57:36

I'm not an expert but I'd say this is normal, in fact healthy. She's trying to make sense of it as best she can.

flowers for both of you

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 13-Jun-16 15:58:36

Completely normal to act out emotions through playsmile

Spotsondots Mon 13-Jun-16 16:07:10

Yes totally normal and a healthy age appropriate response to working things out. Sorry to hear of your losses, op.

BillSykesDog Mon 13-Jun-16 16:11:29

Normal and healthy. Sorry for your losses flowers.

Sounds like she has a lovely supportive concerned Mum to get her through.

Allatseainthemidlands Mon 13-Jun-16 16:24:07

It's a good thing that she can talk about her feelings and play them through like this- it's probably her way of trying to make sense of it. If there have been losses in the family it will have changed her perceptions and expectations of how life is. I wouldn't be worried. If she says she's sad that's ok too- as hard as it can be to see your child grieving when you are trying to manage your own sadness. If she seems to become very preoccupied or worried about death then I think you might want to get some advice from somewhere like CRUSE or another bereavement support charity. Could you and she maybe talk about what it was she liked to do with grandad- make a little memory box with a picture of him and maybe a toy or book he gave her? Or pictures of things they did together? Just a thought. Be kind to yourself too as you deal with your own losses flowers

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 13-Jun-16 16:29:12

Very normal and appropriate. Poor little thing. And poor you. So sorry for your loss. flowers

NeverbuytheDailyMail Mon 13-Jun-16 16:31:36

With our workout losses it is completely normal for children to play and explore death at this age. Sorry for your losses flowers

carryam Mon 13-Jun-16 16:31:48

Yes normal. Play workers in hospital use play to help children work through their feelings. Children deal with these things in very different ways to adults.

NeverbuytheDailyMail Mon 13-Jun-16 16:32:27

Sorry... that should read -

With or without losses....

attheendoftheday Mon 13-Jun-16 16:37:16

Totally normal. Children play out scenarios to process them in the same way adults talk about things to process them.

VulcanWoman Mon 13-Jun-16 16:43:54

Yes, my son did this with regards to things he'd seen on tele, mostly weather related, flooding or other natural disasters.

Shouldwebeworried Mon 13-Jun-16 16:45:19

We have a children's story book called Rabbityness by Jo Empson, it's a lovely story that kind of deals with death/loss. My daughter loves it (she hasn't lost anyone) and I think it shows a positive way of dealing with loss.
But ye the playing it out thing sounds normal and healthy to me (no expert).

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt Mon 13-Jun-16 17:21:56

Play therapy is a very valuable tool in helping children to cope with distress or explain things for which they don't have the vocabulary.

Please don't try to stop her, and if you can talk to her gently about what she's doing - eg what is Daddy lion doing? - and take the conversation from there. If you make her feel that she shouldn't be doing it or that it's somehow weird you'll add to her pain.

If it's your own DF who died this will be a very hard thing for you to do, but try to be supportive of her play. She's working through her emotions and expressing them through the toys.

blueskyinmarch Mon 13-Jun-16 17:34:11

That is definitely healthy. My DD was 3 when her elder sister died. She was acting out as she didn’t have the vocabulary to say how she felt inside. She was helped to make sense of this by someone qualified in PTSD and she used a sand pit full of animals to guide DD through this. It was amazing the positive effect it had on her.

PirateFairy45 Mon 13-Jun-16 18:30:56

Thank you so much, all of you flowers

CantChoose Mon 13-Jun-16 19:16:12

Yes it's normal. If you don't have support for her already if you call your local hospice they often have child bereavement team who can help either give you advice or see her with you if you like. The people you have lost didn't have to have died there or even been involved with them. Sounds like you're doing a brilliant job though.

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