is dd or her friend being unreasonable?

(18 Posts)
achildsjoy Sun 12-Jun-16 13:28:50

Dd is close friends with a girl that she has known since school, they speak almost daily and see each other a couple of times a week at least, lets call her friend A. They both have a mutual friend who they both see infrequently once every few week, let's call her friend b, dd is closer to this girl than friend A is, friend A and B only really see each other through my dd. At a party a few months back friend B met a friend of friend A's brother and began speaking to him, it lasted a few weeks and then tailed off. Anyway fast forward to now and my dd has been invited on holiday for the weekend by friend A with her brother and the male friend that friend B was speaking to, dd isn't interested in the boy and is only going as she wants to go with friend A, it has been booked and paid for and all is fine. Last night friend B kicked off at my dd and upset her by saying how she was a bad friend for not Inviting her and saying how dare she go on holiday with the boy she was speaking to when she knew she would have wanted to go and if dd would have told friend A that she wanted to go with them then friend A would have invited her. Dd replied by saying that it wasn't her place to invite her on a trip that her friends had planned as it wasn't her trip, she had simply been invited along. Now dd is upset saying that she no longer wants to go as she feels upset that friend b is laying all the blame on her. For the record friend A didn't want to Invited friend b as she thought it would be awkward as her as friend B and her brothers friend are no longer on good terms.

starry0ne Sun 12-Jun-16 13:32:04

Your DD should go on the trip..Her reply is perfect..

MadamDeathstare Sun 12-Jun-16 13:35:53

It is awkward, but I think your DD is in the right on this one. It sounds like friend B wants to take up with the brother's friend and he, possibly, doesn't want to. That would make for a horrible trip, particularly for B. If A is organizing the trip, your DD could ask her if B could be included, but A specifically didn't want to include B to avoid awkwardness. For your DD to invite her off her own bat would be rude.

It's not very nice for B because she probably feels excluded. But it sounds like A is just an acquaintance of B rather than a good friend, so B shouldn't really expect to be included in everything A arranges.

I feel bad for your DD being stuck in the middle on this one though.

achildsjoy Sun 12-Jun-16 13:46:58

Dd did try and include friend B as she said to friend A before it was booked, aren't you going to invited friend b? I don't see what more she could have done besides missing out on the trip.

Ameliablue Sun 12-Jun-16 13:54:03

Friend b is being unreasonable

achildsjoy Sun 12-Jun-16 14:31:06

Seems like dd is not being unreasonable then.

OurBlanche Sun 12-Jun-16 14:31:49

Remind your DD that 'friends' who lay on such guilt fests are never reliable when you need some support. They are more likely to be selfish and never available when the give and take requires them to do the giving!

File that 'friend' under Lesson Learned

Then go and have a lovely holiday!

BertPuttocks Sun 12-Jun-16 14:35:26

Friend B is being unreasonable.

She's not a close friend of A. If the brother's friend wasn't going on the trip, I suspect she wouldn't be at all interested.

Your dd should go on the trip. She has done nothing wrong.

achildsjoy Sun 12-Jun-16 14:40:01

sorry about the lack of paragraphs i am on an iPhone.

RandyMagnum Sun 12-Jun-16 14:52:10

How old is everyone involved? You say they've known each other since school so the presumption is they're not in school anymore and adults now? I really couldn't be arsed to get into such petty shite as an adult, your daughters response was the correct way to approach it, I would have added to the response if she had a problem with the arrangements she should have contacted A and asked her why she didn't invite her, your daughter had nothing to do with it.

achildsjoy Sun 12-Jun-16 14:57:10

They are 18, dd has not been in a situation like this since she left school I think that's why it has knocked her for six a bit, her and her friends very rarely fall out.

ApostrophesMatter Sun 12-Jun-16 15:07:04

Friend B needs to grow up.

AnnaMarlowe Sun 12-Jun-16 15:11:41

Why on earth does B want to go on a trip with a boy she is no longer seeing? Quite odd.

B is being unreasonable and deeply unpleasant.

achildsjoy Sun 12-Jun-16 16:36:29

Anna I think the issue is that dd is going on the same trip as him, she sees it as dd not being loyal to her.

MadamDeathstare Sun 12-Jun-16 16:56:11

She is viewing it as some kind of double date situation?

But it isn't.

Unless the man was horribly vile to friend B, deserving the icy cold cutoff of doom from all her friends and relations, then your DD is still doing nothing wrong by going on the trip. It is perfectly OK to be civil to the exs of friends. If your DD reallyl wanted to date the man she could even without the trip being in the picture. Come to that, if B wants to date the man she could contact him herself. Which begs the question, why isn't she? Then she probably would be included in the trip, as his girlfriend.

achildsjoy Sun 12-Jun-16 16:59:41

It isn't, friend A's brother has a girlfriend who is not going on the trip and her brother is v protective over her so a date isn't happening between friend A and the boy either!

AnnaMarlowe Sun 12-Jun-16 18:48:48

"The icy cold cut off of doom". grin

Ah, I see OP. It probably depends on the specifics of the breakup but your post did say that B complained she hadn't been invited so it still seems odd.

achildsjoy Sun 12-Jun-16 19:05:20

They were never officially in a relationship together they were just 'talking' so dd says. I think she probably still has a thing for him and is a wee bit jealous that she wasn't invited so is taking it out on dd.

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