To consider leaving dp for being such a miserable fucker

(113 Posts)
Mugend Sun 12-Jun-16 06:21:27

Name changed as I think do knows my normal username.

He's so miserable it drives me mad.
At home all he wants to do really is sit on his phone or play computer games (after ds is in bed)
But he has a temper and just gets in a fucking mood All. The. Time.
He never wants to do anything with me and ds, or just me, or just DS
And if he does he just moans the whole time about being tired, how busy is it, jow naughty ds is being, etc etc
He moans about fucking everything and it drives me mad, he doesn't seem to understand that it's not nice to live with and brings the mood down.
If I ever mention anything he says I want him to be perfect "oh sorry I'm not the perfect fucking boyfriend" er no, just pleasent to be around would be a start.
Trying to talk with him or joke with him is like drawing blood from a stone.
He's fine around his mates so it's clearly just me he can't be fucked with.
He never just gets on with stuff, e.G if ds wakes up at night (he's almost 3 but is having a phase of not sleeping) he gets in a massive mood about it.

Not explaining this well but we've only lived together a year (he is DS's dad, but me and ds lived alone before then) I just feel like I was maybe happier before.
Pretty sure he isn't depressed btw, plenty of enthusiaam for stuff he wants to do, just not at home.

It's so.depressing trying to have a laugh with someone who just goes "mmhmm" "yeah" "mmhmm' at you all the fucking time.
He'll talk to me if he wants sex, then when we're done will get up and out his headphones on and play computer games..

Mugend Sun 12-Jun-16 06:26:02

We arranged a babysitter so we could go out the other week (my brothers gave us gift cards for a meal and cinema so it was free) and after dropping ds off he said he couldn't really be bothered so we should just stay at home hmm but if it's going out with his mates then it's the most important thing in the world.
I honestly think he might only be with me because he likes living here more than at his mum's, I might be wrong but that's what it seems like to me.

Boogers Sun 12-Jun-16 06:28:43

It sounds like you're living with a massive man child who doesn't actually want to be with you. If he's like this after just a year of living together imagine what he will be like after 10 years of living together!

You say you've lived separately from him before, is this an option again now?

TheTurtleMoves Sun 12-Jun-16 06:36:55

Oh god just leave him (or ask him to leave). I know it's easier said than done but seriously, you've tried, he hasn't, stop flogging the dead horse.

Mugend Sun 12-Jun-16 06:41:23

Yeah it's an option, tenancy for flats in my name so I can stay here, I do love him though and ds would be upset I think but it might just be what has to happen I guess.
I would feel bad but it's really getting Mr down

Mugend Sun 12-Jun-16 06:43:25

'Me down' though Mr down is appropriate too

branofthemist Sun 12-Jun-16 06:45:51

He needs to go. You hate living like this and it's getting you down.

Not sure how old ds is, but by the time he is a few years old, it will be dragging him down too.

He will pick up that his dad is a miserable twat who can't be areas with him and gets angry when he hasn't got his own way. That his dad has time for his friends but not for him, that he needs to walk on egg shells to keep the peace.

I don't think you want that for your ds.

I have to ask though.....what do you love about him. I don't know if I am weird, but I just don't understand how there is anything to love about a man like this.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Sun 12-Jun-16 06:47:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Evergreen17 Sun 12-Jun-16 06:51:06

The positive thing here is that you have already lived with DS on your own. And you seem to recognise you were happier. For many people leaving their partners is hard because of the uncertainty
You know that you did just fine and even better
DS will soon start to pick it up, the lack of respect and the laziness and the moods.
You can show him better
You sound brave and smart and a great mum for DS
He sounds like a muppet
Send him to his mum

Mugend Sun 12-Jun-16 06:51:08

He's 26 so shouldnt be acting like a mopey grunting teenager. It's so frustrating. That's what it feels like anyway.
I have no idea what I love about him which says a lot really. He's my first proper relationship so maybe it's just that

Purplepicnic Sun 12-Jun-16 06:53:14

I have to say it doesn't sound like he likes you very much. Doesn't like being a dad.

Do all three of you a favour and cut him loose.

Mugend Sun 12-Jun-16 06:54:49

I just feel a bit like I dint have the right to be like "you're miserable and it's doing my head in so can you cheer up or leave please" although I know I do, it just feels a bit mean

branofthemist Sun 12-Jun-16 07:01:40

You don't love him. You just feel you shouldn't make him leave.

It's mean to have your son growing up in this environment. Don't give your son a shit home life because you don't want to be mean to his dad.

SavoyCabbage Sun 12-Jun-16 07:06:28

It's of little to no benefit to your son to have someone who can't be bothered with him in his life of a daily basis. So don't stop booting your boyfriend out because of your son.

PragmaticWench Sun 12-Jun-16 07:08:51

It's not mean, it's a basic in a relationship to not live with a miserable, disinterested and grumpy partner who only brings negativity to you and your child.

You get one chance at life, just one. Why have your DS brought up by a misery who can't be bothered to enjoy life? Get rid.

Zarah123 Sun 12-Jun-16 07:09:13

* I just feel a bit like I dint have the right to be like "you're miserable and it's doing my head in so can you cheer up or leave please" although I know I do, it just feels a bit mean*

You do have the right. He's the one whose mean, for treating you and your DS like this. Time to tell him to move out I think.

DinosaursRoar Sun 12-Jun-16 07:15:34

Tell him to leave, you've given it a year and you don't like living with him.

Gillywestinghaus Sun 12-Jun-16 07:24:35

Does he display this twatty behaviour at work?

He sounds depressed. I'd be heading for ultimatum time, the nob.

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 12-Jun-16 07:27:03

It's not mean. He's mean to you. And your DS. Don't let this drag on.

MessyBun247 Sun 12-Jun-16 07:33:22

I'll give you the same advice I just gave someone else on a different thread.

Life is there to be enjoyed, he's making you and your DS miserable, get rid and start having fun! He's dragging you both down and you don't have to put up with it.

ShatterResistant Sun 12-Jun-16 07:39:22

he sounds depressed

Depress*ing*, more like. Time to cut him loose.

roundaboutthetown Sun 12-Jun-16 07:43:41

He sounds like a twat. Tell him to leave because he's boring and depressing to live with. You haven't been able to describe a single redeeming feature about the selfish arsehole.

JeepersMcoy Sun 12-Jun-16 07:44:00

Of course you have the right. You are never obliged to spent the rest of your life with someone who makes you miserable. You have the right to happiness. You have the right to split up with someone who doesn't make you happy for whatever reason you chose.

timelytess Sun 12-Jun-16 07:45:21

He has to go.

NavyAndWhite Sun 12-Jun-16 07:46:13

Yes you deserve more than this and so does DS.

I would definitely have a trial separation.

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