WIU to have a go at DP?

[Nicebucket]

He's my first serious boyfriend. We were friends for two and a half years before we became a couple.

Now, there's a few unusual things about him.

1. He doesn't spend money. AT ALL. He never ever eats out, never goes anywhere and doesn't even like spending on transport. So if I suggest we go somewhere in zone 1, he will refuse because the oyster ticket is more pricey. When we got together, he warned me he wouldn't buy me anything (not that I expect him to buy me stuff, I'm an independent woman)
   

1. He doesn't go anywhere. He just always wants to stay home.
   

1. He spends the weekends cooking because he won't eat out. And because he never wakes up before 12-1, we never go anywhere or do anything. He cooks and does his laundry etc all weekend and I hang about while he does that.
   

1. I've spoken to him several times about how we really need to do things together as a couple... They don't need to be expensive, but just SOMETHING apart from having sex or me watching him while he cooks etc.
   

There hasn't been much change. Twice he's agreed to a plan and then cancelled it last minute.

It's his other habits as well- he constantly moans! He was on the verge of redundancy and finally found an alternative job. Instead of being grateful he moans that his life is ruined because he has to be at work an hour earlier for this role

He insisted we should live together but I refused to move into his place because it's simply awful - cold and in the middle of nowhere.
So he's living at mine(doesn't pay rent) and also keeps paying rent on his old place because he's hopeful someday I'll move there ( it's not going to happen)

He cooks for me as well, but never helps with the cleaning.

He's applied for UK residency (he's from Eastern Europe) and he'd asked for his id back earlier. And today they (as requested by him) returned his id. But this some,e thing meant his life is over- because they didn't also send him a decision on his application at the same time.

He what speed me to say he has terrible news and then disappeared for 3 hours. Didn't answer my calls, or messages.

So when he returned home today, I had a proper go at him about all this.

Was I wrong?

[HeddaGarbled]

Where you are wrong is in still being his girlfriend. Dump him now.

[sequinsandwich]

Dump him. He will never change

[BackforGood]

I think 'having a go' is the least of your worries.
What exactly is the appeal of being with him ???

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

He warned you what he was like at the start of your relationship, you didn't listen.

I think you should cut your losses and dump him tbh.

[Queenbean]

You are obviously not happy in the relationship, dump him and move on

[Redglitter]

What exactly are you getting out of this relationship.

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

Just reading that made ME want to dump him.

[MilesHuntsWig]

Why are you with him???

You're not happy, he's not changing. Break it off.

[Nicebucket]

I know that's what I should do- but against my best judgement I love him. And he has good traits too- always cooks for me, he's a solid presence in a crisis etc.

Although, I've been very very unwell recently- had to have loads of tests, might need surgery potentially in the future. And while I know he's concerned, he never volunteers himself to go to the doctor with me

[Liiinooo]

Imagine 10/15/20 years of this. Is that really want for your life? You don't say how old you are, so I am going to guess 25. Do you want to get to 45 and be living with a stingy , moaning, inconsiderate, stick-in-the-mud?

Long term relationships are hard enough even when the early days were amazing and then the gloss wears off, but I cannot imagine how hard it might be to stay long term with a man who seems to have been a downer from the very start. He is unlikely to become livelier and more thoughtful as he gets older.

You sound like you have some energy and spark about you. You want to get out and do things and see life. Don't let this man drag you down.

[Bringmewineandcake]

No, no, no he does not have good traits, OP. Run now, he still has his flat and can go back there and leave you in peace to find someone who does want to do things with you

[LilacInn]

What do you mean by "love him," seriously? Do you respect and admire him or do you just find yourself infatuated with him? He sounds miserable and hard work tbh. There are many more fun and attractive and admirable nen out there.

[maisiejones]

So he always cooks for you? The chef at my favourite restaurant always cooks for me but I don't want a relationship with him.

[EttaJ]

Run. Fast and don't look back. Seriously, he is a loser. Don't you think you're worth more and deserve more?

[CrapDIL]

Urgh, he sounds like a prized turnip

Get rid, the guy is a sponging loser

[Willow2016]

Do you seriously want to spend the rest of your life at home every pm and every weekend?
Do you want to be hanging around for him to get out of bed every weekend?
Do you want the highlight of your week to be watching him cook?

If the answer is no, no, no then tell him to go back to his flat and be a miserable tight fisted git on his own.

You arent having a relationship he is just a lodger, well no, he is a non paying lodger living off you, who will suck all the life out of you before you know it.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"but against my best judgement I love him."
I very much doubt it. At best, you fear being alone and he fills the purpose of 'any port in a storm'. At worst, you are a people pleaser who, having attracted this man, is unable to be their own person but instead feels the need to stick with him since he seems to want you.

Let's face it - he's really not loveable. He's a miser and a miseryguts.

So the question really is - what is so lacking in your life that you will throw it away on a tosser like this?

[MrsSpecter]

God! Whats to love?

[alleypalley]

Leave him now. What kind of future do you have with someone like that? How long before he starts questioning how you spend your money, what about if you had dc, would he question everything you bought for them, what if you wanted to be a sahm would he control what money you were allowed to spend then? Would you ever have days out or holidays as a family?

[RestlessTraveller]

If this early in a relationship the best thing you can say is 'he's a solid presence in a crisis' it's time to bail.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

FFS.

I can only imagine what's gone on in your own life previous to this, that you're willing to put up with this / view this 'relationship' as better than being single.

So, for that reason:

[SolidGoldBrass]

WTF made you so desperate for a man that you would put up with this cocklodging loser?Were you brought up to think you were 'ugly' and no man would ever want you? Were you prevented from dating in your younger days?
You could do so much better than him. Being single would be so much better than being with him. Get rid, and start building a life of your own.

[trafalgargal]

Do you have girlfriends ?
Go out with them, go on days out with them, go to zone one with them -and when he complains tell him you are young and can't sit watching him cook every night. Either he'll buck up his ideas or the relationship will come to a natural end . He sounds incredibly selfish -it's all about what he wants and never what you want ....plus he's tight expecting you to keep him.

The good thing about early serious relationships is they teach you as much about what you want and need from a partner AND what you definitely don't want too !!

[PumpkinPies38]

Thank goodness he's still paying rent on his old flat tell him to sod off back there. That's not a life or a relationship OP to say he has issues is a huge understatement.

If you choose to stay read back over your post. You are choosing to spend your life with someone of next level degrees of tightness. I am stunned at the zone one thing. You know it's bonkers don't put up with it.

[NoMudNoLotus]

He sounds terrible.

Please find your self respect.