To refuse to accept and apology and explanation from the hospital that treated my dad so appallingly until they amend the letter they sent me

(123 Posts)
Oldsu Sat 11-Jun-16 23:18:31

Long story but my dad was misdiagnosed and nearly died, when the mistake was discovered the Hospital lied and tried to cover it up. Its taken a lot of time and effort by me and dads GP to get the hospital to admit liability and to apologise, I got the letter yesterday and quite frankly I am furious.

The letter was addressed to me 'Mrs Oldsu' both consultants were referred to by their title, dads, GP was referred to by her title, but every time they mentioned dad they used his first name, He was very ill when he was in Hospital so did not, could not give permission for the nursing staff to call him by his first name, and to make matters worse his official first name which they insisted on calling him in hospital (despite my objections) is not the one he uses, he hates his first name and uses his middle name in every day life.

I have returned their pathetic excuse for an apology and told them to rewrite it using my dads title, then and only then will I consider the matter closed, BTW my dad and the family are not seeking compensation an apology will do a plus reassurances that procedures are now in place so that it doesn't happen to anyone else's dad.

I am sure there will be medical apologists on here replying saying its some sort of tradition or procedure, I call it lack of courtesy and respect and totally unacceptable.

Oldsu Sat 11-Jun-16 23:21:22

Sorry AN apology not AND

Haudyerwheesht Sat 11-Jun-16 23:23:37

Honestly? I think you're over reacting.

fatmomma99 Sat 11-Jun-16 23:23:56

was the apology itself fulsome?

I mean this in the gentlest way, but to an outsider your priority isn't clear.

I am glad your dad is ok, and i'm sorry for what was obviously horrendous.

Bettybooop25 Sat 11-Jun-16 23:24:42

I also think you're over reacting. Sorry.

Wolfiefan Sat 11-Jun-16 23:26:22

I'm very sorry this happened to your family but I think you anger about the whole issue has clouded your response. Surely the important thing is they admit mistakes were made and ensure they don't happen in future?

converseandjeans Sat 11-Jun-16 23:27:08

Sorry but first world problem imo. This is very trivial.

HackerFucker22 Sat 11-Jun-16 23:27:38

Do you wish for the letter to be in a different correct name? And have correct title?.I assume letters after his name?

CalleighDoodle Sat 11-Jun-16 23:28:07

I can see the reasons for annoyance. By referring to your dad by a first name and everyonr else by title and surname they are being patronising.

runawaysimba Sat 11-Jun-16 23:29:55

I'm with you OP, your dignity can go out the window when you're in hospital, so if the staff can restore some of that by addressing you respectfully, they should.
I work for a charity and a lot of our donors are older and we always address them as Mrs/mr/prof whatever and that's to thank them for a donation. I think if I was writing to apologise for almost killing someone I'd offer the same level of respect!

noeuf Sat 11-Jun-16 23:30:12

Totally see your point op. Ask for it to be rewritten and point out the discrepancy.

EveryoneElsie Sat 11-Jun-16 23:30:28

I think you need to focus on the misdiagnosis. Its a very serious complaint.

They had no way to know which name he would prefer until they were informed, and it is the less serious issue. Especially if he were unconscious and was not aware that was happening.

Hairyfairy01 Sat 11-Jun-16 23:31:09

Sorry but I think you are over reacting. His birth name will be on all his sticky labels attached to his notes. I think your being unrealistic to expect all staff to remember to call him by another name and refer to him by another name some time later in a letter. I understand your need for an apology but I think your being petty over the name front. Sorry.

Pagwatch Sat 11-Jun-16 23:31:45

I can understand your anger. The failed your dad and by not bothering to get his name right they are, in a way, dismissing him again.

I think though you should just be grateful he is fine now and deal with your fright.
The hospital treated my dad appallingly and he died . You have to move on.

fatmomma99 Sat 11-Jun-16 23:34:04

converseandjeans I very, very often think "first world problem" on this site, and therefore don't post (or else get drunk and do and then wish I hadn't, but that's another story).

And my dad died (because he was ill, not because of being let down by the health service), so this may be colouring my view of the thread. But isn't your post rather mean?

I understand if you're drunk and bit intolerant, like I often am, but if so, I hope you regret this post in the morning. And if you don't, I will still think you're mean.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 11-Jun-16 23:34:23

Actually I think you have a point. It's not a big thing on the face of it but in the circumstances it shows a lack of respect.

But more importantly it makes you feel better to be in control for the first time in what must have been a hellish, horrible time.

Yanbu.

Arkwright Sat 11-Jun-16 23:34:35

You are being very precious. You wanted an apology which you have but you are still not happy.

AuroraBora Sat 11-Jun-16 23:36:27

Actually I can see why you're annoyed. It's just bloody rude of them. First they fuck the medical part up royally and then they can't even be arsed to address an apology formally to your dad. YANBU.

PacificDogwod Sat 11-Jun-16 23:36:47

Are you satisfied with the substance of the apology?

I too totally get your anger - the name/title thing might seem like a tiny failing in the face of critical mistakes that risked his life, but I'd feel disrespected too.

I don't get this whole calling patients by their first name, irrespective of their age confusedhmm
It really grates with me and I cannot bring myself to do it, unless invited.

I hope your father has made a full recovery thanks

MozzieRocks Sat 11-Jun-16 23:37:11

YANBU so sorry you and your Dad had so much trouble. flowers

PacificDogwod Sat 11-Jun-16 23:37:42

To clarify, YANBU.

BoopTheSnoot Sat 11-Jun-16 23:40:36

I get it OP- the hospital are showing a lack of respect towards your dad by using his first name. I don't think YABU, I'd be angry and upset too. It's not like you're wanting a big payday from them, just an assurance and for them to treat your DF like he is important- which of course he is.
I hope they understand the point of your response and put things right.

Bolograph Sat 11-Jun-16 23:41:01

was the apology itself fulsome

Fulsome is a bad thing; it means insincere and overblown. You I suspect mean full. Or sincere.

I had a doctor with a name badge saying doctor John smith take umbridge when addressed as John when I was visiting a friend. He didn't ask if it was ok to address my friend by her first name, not as Doctor surname, and when I introduced myself used my first name, not doctor Bolograph. It appears doctors ignore everyone's titles except their own.

annandale Sat 11-Jun-16 23:41:02

YANBU. I'm a health care worker. I always speak to patients as Mr or Ms and ask them what they want to be called. I always write Mr or Ms in letters, though in the past I sometimes didn't if I had come to know them well. In my opinion even one or two people doing this on the ward can genuinely change the atmosphere and the way in which patients are addressed by the whole team.

I agree particularly that to use only your Dad's first name, when everyone else had their title, is wrong, and particularly wrong in this situation.

Justbeingnosey123 Sat 11-Jun-16 23:41:23

I'm surprised by this I have never known an adult patient referred to by first name, I agree it's not right. Caring for someone day in day out often ( although I appreciate not in the case op) you will be on first name terms with patients. It is different when it comes to correspondence, in fairness I'd feel the same if it was utility companies bank etc, in a formal letter you don't use first names.

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