AIBU

(20 Posts)
Roselondon Sat 11-Jun-16 23:16:31

Hi everyone I need honest opinions here.
I have one DD aged 12 and another on the way currently 30 weeks.
Anyway my SIL has really annoyed me.
DD was meant to go away camping with her last year SIL and her family go two three times a year.
Anyway it didn't happen and my DD was gutted.
They had promised her since her 9th birthday.
Anyway fast forward to last week.
DD was at her nans house when MIL was on face book and pointed out that her daughter was away camping and had taken her niece (her SILs child) who by all accounts is a horrible child always in trouble doing terribly horrible mean things to other children.
My DD was upset as she had been waiting for years.
Now my SIL has really annoyed me because it all seems rather odd to me.
Let me fill you in as to why.
SIL Has never had much money and has always struggled so with her four kids I have always helped out.
Now her SIL suddenly wins some money and she's best friends with her after calling her names before.
Now fast forward to last night.
I get a phone call to ask if I can baby sit her little ones.
So I do only her tablet is being used by her DS.
He goes to bed and leaves it on and open on messages where I see tons of messages about myself slating me.
I am hurt because I have done nothing wrong to her SIL or her.
I am finding it hard not to say anything to her but AIBU by being angry at her for constantly rubbing my DD face in it when does something with her SILs kids? Or for seeing what she put about me.
Or am I just pregnant and hormonalsad

DeathStare Sun 12-Jun-16 05:04:58

She didn't rub your DD's face in it. Your DD only knows because she looked at grandma's facebook.

However your SIL doesn't sound like a very nice person and I'd keep her at arm's length. Just keep reminding your daughter when the topic comes up that sometimes adults don't always do what they've agreed, though they should.

PPie10 Sun 12-Jun-16 05:38:34

You don't sound very nice yourself. You didn't find the messages open and displayed, you snooped for it. And describing the other child as horriblehmm if your sil isn't a nice person why do you want your DD to go away with her?

branofthemist Sun 12-Jun-16 05:42:29

I am not sure I have this right. So you are pissed off that she didn't take your Dd away with her and her kids and her other sil?

She didn't rub it in your dds face, it got mentioned to her by someone else.

She doesn't sound great in the other things. But then neither do you.

Roselondon Sun 12-Jun-16 07:01:05

Just to clarify SIL has been and does rub DD face in it for example she will go out of her way to talk about experiences of taking the other child shopping and to the cinema or bowling or camping.
Her latest is to talk about trips to Disney Paris.
So yes she does go out of her way to rub her face in it.
As for the other child being horrible this same child is a bully for example, she has been caught more than once beating other children up and causing no end of family trouble.
My BIL will not even allow his kids in the same room as them.
SIL youngest child had a birthday party DD was not invited other child text my DD and proudly exclaimed she was there and DD was not!
This has been going on for years but I let it slide.
As for the messages FYI I didn't snoop the messages where open and I could see my name, is someone really going to tell me if someone saw their name a lot they would not take a look?

branofthemist Sun 12-Jun-16 07:17:00

Why drip fees so much info?

PPie10 Sun 12-Jun-16 07:27:23

So her DS was playing around the messages tab, because how would that be left open if he wasn't?hmm and again if this was going on for years why are you so keen for your sil to take her away on a trip? Surely if she's that horrible you won't allow it.

Zarah123 Sun 12-Jun-16 07:31:25

branofthemist

It's not drip feeding. OP is giving more information.

Zarah123 Sun 12-Jun-16 07:36:27

YANBU, OP. It sounds like your sis is using you, and that she also resents and is jealous of you. I think you need to speak to her about it and tell she needs to change if she wants to continue her relationship with you.

Or you could just take a step back, stop babysitting (except perhaps in real emergencies) and stop giving her money. She doesn't appreciate you.

You've let too much slide, so now she thinks she can do ehatver she likes and you have to take it.

Excluding your DD is cruel and if someone cares about you, they will never be cruel.

sepa Sun 12-Jun-16 07:36:48

I would be pissed off regardless of if you snooped or not. These things have still been said about you. I would avoid your SIL. How is she related to you? Is she your DH sister or your DBros wife? If it was the latter I would speak to your bro about it?
Don't let your DD around her. She will get annoyed but one day will understand

branofthemist Sun 12-Jun-16 07:42:54

It's not drip feeding. OP is giving more information.

It's drip feeding. The OP said in her post that the sil was 'rubbing it in her face' when people disagreed that, that was rubbing it in her face. She produced a load of times she has rubbed it in her face.

That's drip feeding, to fit what she put in the op. She didn't say 'she has a history of rubbing it in her face'. She used a specific example, that match what she said.

Pagwatch Sun 12-Jun-16 07:46:07

My DDs most recent messages pop up on the home screen whenever her iPad switches on.

Zarah123 Sun 12-Jun-16 07:50:22

I think she is providing examples., bran and it's fine.

It's unfair to expect her to write a perfect OP with everything clarified.

Glassofwineneeded Sun 12-Jun-16 08:00:20

If I were you I would keep her at arms length. No more babysitting her kids, and kep messages to a minimum. She doesn't sound like a very nice person and tbh you need to concentrate on your dd and your new baby soon.
Your dd has learnt a lesson in that she now knows adults do not keep their promises and aren't always that nice. Tough for her but she needs to know from you how to deal with it.

Roselondon Sun 12-Jun-16 10:32:40

My SIL is my DH sister.
I have spoken to MIL and she won't say a word to her.
I don't want my daughter going out with her but that's not the point my point is why promise a child days out and then not keep those promises?
It's cruel.
The horrible child goes to the same school as DD and constantly bullies her even before this.
Yes I have had a word with the child's mother but she does not seem bothered.
What hurts my DD is her aunt who was nice to her has suddenly ditched her for her bfs sisters kids.
It has all come to ahead because as a mother I want to protect my child and the constant mind games and horribleness has turned my happy DD into a child that keeps asking why her aunt hates her sad

Queenbean Sun 12-Jun-16 10:35:40

If your SIL is so awful why would you want her to take your daughter away anyway?

Topseyt Sun 12-Jun-16 10:47:39

If I didn't like someone I wouldn't be keen for my child to go away with them. confused Or maybe I am just an oddball there.

It all sounds very childish to me, including the so-called adults here.

Lunar1 Sun 12-Jun-16 10:51:04

She's been waiting for camping for three years. Get your dh to take her at the start of the summer before the baby arrives, because there won't be chance after that for a good while.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sun 12-Jun-16 11:04:59

MIL pointed out to your DD that she was missing out on the camping trip.

Oh, nice one MIL.
She must've been aware that your DD was excited about a trip that she hadn't been invited to.

When does that ever seem like a good idea? sad.

Definately cut out the babysitting, her mother (your MIL ) can do it.
And no more helping out moneywise (you'll need it all for the baby)

EveryoneElsie Sun 12-Jun-16 11:09:47

Back straight out, they are all toxic including MIL. Stop giving any support or help.
No adult should be involving themselves in this petty bullying, much less joining in and bullying the kids.

Take your DD camping yourselves, and concentrate on your own family.

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