Lost sunglasses. Who is BU?

[Pebbles16]

Out today with DH (although he's not v D at the mo). Sunny then poured with rain so he gave me his sunglasses (I always have to take a huge bag for his sunglasses, orthotics, jumper etc). Then sun came back out, looked for glasses, not there. Admittedly they are Ray Bans so not cheap and he loves them but it's entirely my fault. I was careless. I don't care about his things. I have no idea where they went. I didn't deliberately lose them. There is a whole other thread about his subsequent behaviour but I can't help thinking it's not actually my fault. Honestly don't know how they disappeared.

[RosesareSublime]

I would say if you cant brush off the loss of the glasses with a shrug then they were too expensive for you.

Get him to buy cheap next time then he wont care and neither will you.

[Gazelda]

Well, I do think it was your fault. He gave them to you. You took them, you took them from him. So you had 'ownership' of them for which point they've disappeared.
Having said that, maybe you should get him to take responsibility for his huge bag-load of stuff, and it sounds as though his subsequent behaviour might be the bigger issue.

[BertrandRussell]

Why do you have to take a huge bag for his stuff?

[BertPuttocks]

If he genuinely thinks you are careless and don't care about his things, perhaps he should take his own bag from now on and look after his own belongings. You're not his mother or his pack horse.

[Ameliablue]

If he is over reacting then he is bu, but he gave them to you so them going missing is your fault.

[MsVestibule]

If you had responsibility for the bag which contained his sunglasses and they went missing from your bag, I do think it was your 'fault' that they went missing.

I would say 'OK, fair enough, I'm sorry, I'll replace them' and then never carry anything for him ever again, FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

[peoplepleaser70]

My DP went one better than this. He lost his sunglasses (well I certainly didn't as he never gave them to me) but he still insisted that I must have, because he didn't! He even suggested he might have left them on the car dashboard and I drove round a corner with the window open and they fell out. Whenever he loses anything, I must have moved it/lost it. Arrggghhh!

[Pebbles16]

Okay may be it is my fault. But am baffled how they disappeared. Yes he should carry his own "stuff"

[ingeniousidiot]

What orthotics? Does it/they prevent him from carrying stuff? If so, then I think you need to take some responsibility. If he's just being a lazy shit, then he should look after his own stuff, and it's his own fault.

[Pebbles16]

Bert, I am his packhorse!

[Pebbles16]

No ingenious his orthotics are entirely "I like to wear several pairs of shoes" on a day out!

[Pebbles16]

This is the thing peoplepleaser there were so many offs and Ons with the sunnies I am not convinced I actually had them at the last count (although I did have them at one point)

[bloodyteenagers]

Tell him. From this point on, he has to carry his own shit. Wtf should you lug his crap around? I take it he is an actual adult and not a toddler? He wants it, he carries it. You take what you need and carry it, and tbfh I would be carry only what I could fit in my jeans pockets. So cash, keys and phone.

[HoggleHoggle]

Am I misunderstanding your last post - you take various pairs of his shoes out in your bag so he can change them?!

[Pebbles16]

Bloody that was all I had in my bag (and water), the rest was his nonsense. I suspect (like bad washing up) I may have scored an unwitting victory here. Although I am really upset he is now so upset and ruined a two day festival three hours in

[Pebbles16]

Hoggle apparently switching around orthotics means it feels like several pairs of shoes. I have no idea about his shoe logic.

[bloodyteenagers]

Stop carrying his stuff. Seriously. Why the hell should you be weighed down to carry another persons crap? You aren't his servant/porter/whatever they are called.
I have never heard of anything as ridiculous. Carrying a bag to lug around another adults crap. Early/late new years resolution. It ends now. Tonight. The end. No more.

[alanthicke]

OP your DP may have behaved badly but you would have a stronger position if you took responsibility for losing the glasses. Baffled or not, you did lose them. It happens and it's not a crime against humanity. You don't deserve to be berated for it. But I could understand if your DP finds it a bit weasely how you won't just admit it.

[JackandDiane]

the shoe thing is FREAKY

[BluebellTheDonkey]

Why are you calling shoes orthotics?

[Ameliablue]

It sounds as if he treats you as his carer. Does he need one? If not I would make him carry his own stuff.