To be slightly annoyed with this nursery situation?

[JessaHanna]

My DC is 2 years and 7 months and goes to nursery full time since 11months.

DC loves nursery and I genuinely feel my DC is well liked by staff and the other children.

We have had a few minimal issues arise but the nursery manager has always been happy to speak through.

However yesterday, during lunch, my DC was attacked by another child who is exactly the same age. The other child basically stabbed my DC with a fork which has left two deep cuts under the left eye. The cuts did not require a stitch but they are deep will leave two small scares. The deputy head fed back to me that it was unprovoked and that the other child was removed from the situation immediately and my DC was given lots of cuddles and was fine afterwards. The other child is a lot bigger than my DC and I know from previous conversations with other parents that there have been other incidents. Please note though that my DC really does like the other child and speaks about them in a very friendly way - they play together etc.

When we went to collect DC we had to fill in an incident form but in hindsight I am wondering if more should be done to address the other child's behaviour? I'm really upset that my child's face has been marked with fork and whilst I understand my DC will have lots of accidents throughout life I am not happy that another child did this to my child's face.

I'm posting here as I only have one child and not very experienced with nursery settings or children's behaviour.

AIBU to feel like I want to make a formal complaint and ask what is being done to address the other child's behaviour?

Thanks in advance

[liz70]

I'm that the children have access to forks that can do such damage! At that age my DC had short, stubby plastic cutlery that wouldn't have cut anyone no matter how hard you poked it at them.

[winchesterfan]

I would speak to the manager next week and ask how they are going to address the situation with the other child's escalating behaviour and keep your DC and others safe.

I would put it in writing also, as they will then have to reply to you in writing, then if anymore incidents happen, you can point out that they are not doing what they outlined in their reply to you

[branofthemist]

Thy won't tell you how they are dealing with the other child.

What will your complaint consist of? How do you think they could have prevented it? What did they do wrong?

Don't get me wrong I sympathise, my Dd was attacked at school. It's awful. But I don't understand what you want to complain about and why you think they should tell you what's happening with the other child.

[Amy214]

In my dds playgroup they wash their hands and then eat with their hands, the only thing i get nervous about is dd drinking out of a cup (she always spills it down her but shes managing fine)
Did they call you immediately after it happened? Dd once banged her head and i was informed almost immediately, i could hear her crying in the background (she was getting cuddles from another teacher) she was fine afterwards and i didnt need to pick her up, but they gave me the option of going in looking at the bump

[Fairuza]

They won't tell you anything about the other child as it is none of your business.

You could ask how they will ensure your child is kept safe in future though - using different forks or extra adults sitting at the table etc.

[PirateFairy45]

They will try and stop it happening again. But it can happen in a split second.

Just give DC lots of kisses and cuddles

[Buckinbronco]

Oh my god. Tbh I think I'd move my DD. I know you can have problems elsewhere but Jesus that is brutal. It could've been in her eye!

[TeaBelle]

As frustrating as it is you could only be told general information eg we are going to change the seating arrangements but not anything specific to that child and rightly so

[Cheby]

They can't tell you about the other child specifically. BUT they can tell you in general terms how they deal with these situations and they have a duty to explain to you how they will keep your child safe.

In this situation, after what I would consider to be a fairly serious incident after a number of other incidents, I would expect them to put 1:1 shadowing in place for this child to observe triggers for his/her behaviour and keep all the other children safe.

I would ask for another meeting, explain your concerns and anxiety and ask them to reassure you about what their plan is. Any good childcare setting will have no problem in doing this at all.

My LO was bitten and then kicked in the chest by the same kid at nursery, nursery rang me at work both times to explain, even though DD was mostly fine, then they gave me a copy of their biting and aggression policy to read, explained they were working with they child's parents and passed an anonymous apology on from them (they were mortified). I felt immediately reassured by the way they handled the whole thing, and DD is now friends with this boy (although she still talks about the time he kicked her so it clearly made an impression).

[Blu]

A very upsetting thing to happen, but unfortunately 2 year olds can do things with bad consequences anywhere. 'Attacked' 'unprovoked' - 2 year olds do things with little understanding of the consequences.

I hope it won't leave a scar.

Nursery staff will hopefully do their best to be as vigilant as possible and will be thinking about the other child's behaviour.

I would ask for an update next week as to nay measures they will be taking to keep your child safe - but as everyone else has said they won't talk to you about the other child. Or if they do they are being very unprofessional.

[Northernlurker]

What do you think the nursery could do? I'm sure the staff will have been very upset by the incident. They need to use cutlery and toddlers are unpredictable. It sounds like they've managed the situation as best they can.

[Griphook]

It's really horrible when your child gets hurt, the deputy might not really know what plans are in place for that child as they aren't in charge, speak to the manager just so it's flagged up again, but in all honestly there's not a lot they can do. They can try 1-1 but that would either mean funding for the local authority which is unlikely or taking a staff member away for the others which would increase the ratio's for the others.
It could be there's a behaviour plan in place which tries to support their triggers, but they wouldn't be able to tell you

[Alanna1]

If it's properly deep, I'd think about going to your GP and thinking about a referral to the hospital. They can do all sorts of things with injuries nowadays - my DD had a facial cut repaired with superglue and they said it may or may or scar. It hasn't. It has moved on a lot since we were kids.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Kids do stuff like this. Using words like attacked and unprovoked is applying adult rationale to toddlers actions.

What more do you expect them to share with you that they are doing to assist the other child and would you be happy with the same information about your child being disclosed to another parent in a few weeks when it's your kid who punches someone and pushes them off a chair or some other such toddler like behaviour?

[honkinghaddock]

The nursery shouldn't tell you anything in relation to the other child. The child may have difficulties or they may be a 2 year old being a 2 year old.

[MrsHardy1]

that could've been his eye! They won't tell you how they're dealing with other child. Unfortunately they can only speak to his parents and watch him closely in future.

What bloody forks are they using? Those plastic ones?

[Littlepeople12345]

I wouldn't be happy with this at all, what would have happened if he got his eye instead . What will the nursery do to prevent this in future?

My brother did this to me and I have a better g scar under my eye.

[PterodactylToenails]

NeedsAsockamnesty: "Kids do stuff like this" Really? I don't know any children who have gone round stabbing other children in the face with a fork!!

OP I wouldn't be happy with this at all. Your child could have been blinded. When I leave my child I want to feel reassured they are left in a safe environment so I would definitely be taken things further.

[Fairuza]

What would you expect from 'taking things further'?

[namechangeparents]

I would put it in writing also, as they will then have to reply to you in writing

Really? Slightly off-topic but the number of people/traders etc who ask me for a phone number when I've emailed them is amazing. I contacted you by email because I want a reply by email.

So make sure you ASK for a reply in writing.

I agree however that 2 year olds do unpredictable things and it does not mean that they will turn out to be detained at her Majesty's pleasure when they are older. It is for the nursery to have the strategies in place to manage violent behaviour and to keep the children as safe as is realistic and this is what I'd be majoring on. And it's not helpful for other parents to be gossiping about this child.

[NarkyKnockers]

I would definitely want to know.what was going to be put in place to stop it happening again. I would particularly want to know about the cutlery and what level of supervision there is when cutlery, scissors etc are being used. 2 yos do point and wave their arms about and don't necessarily remember what they're holding. It may not have been as malicious as a deliberate stab in the face. One of my dc quite unintentionally and in a happy mood gave me a nasty stab in the eye with a pencil at a similar age when drawing on my lap.

[youarenotkiddingme]

If agree with the general consensus. I'm sorry yiur child got hurt and hope he's ok today

You have every right to know how they are going to safeguard (use this word!) yiur child in future.

You don't have a right, and won't be told, how they are adressing the other child. Yiu have a right for reassurance they are adressing it though.

I'll also say as a parent of a child with SN it's actually helpful to us when parents write In And complain - it can help the child get the support they need.

[Aspergallus]

My first child, an early talker, was a calm and sensible toddler. Other kids seemed wild and aggressive by comparison, to me, back then...but...

My second is a late talker and expresses everything physically. If he wants you, or a toy, he pushes, grabs, even bites. I can imagine him stabbing out with a fork to get the attention of a friend. This kind of behaviour is only gradually improving as he develops more speech.

So I guess I'd say, don't demonise the kid, they are all different and very few will have actual behavioural problems.

But I would want to have a word with the nursery about supervision and planning for safety because it could have been her eye. Our nursery has had both our kids pass through and they know the youngest needs a close eye kept on him and make sure this happens.

[JessaHanna]

Thanks for all of your replies :)

I don't necessarily want details about the other child but I would like to know about how my child will be kept safe. I agree a 'complaint' will not address that and I am very happy with this nursery on the whole.

Just to make clear I do like this other child and I would hate to act in a way that would cause the child or parents upset. Also my DC definitely does see the other child as a friend and I do fully accept two year olds to not have a rational way of thinking.

But I am very upset about the deep cuts under my child's eye but it could simply be that different cutlery is used for this age group. I was also told yesterday that they are introducing 'golden rules' and are tying it in with feelings and behaviour so that should help I think.

I definitely would not want to make a massive issue about the other child to be clear so it was helpful to see your responses. I suppose I am just very surprised that this happened with a fork...