To admit I am lonely

(26 Posts)
blueatlantic Sat 11-Jun-16 11:10:11

Really lonely.

And I know the 'voluntary work and clubs and widen your social circle' and I do it all but I still come home to an empty house.

I know some of you will brightly say I'm lucky - I don't feel lucky!

Lostlou Sat 11-Jun-16 11:12:10

Yep - me too! Though I do have my #notmycat cat who actually belongs to the lady 2 doors down on the sofa with me at the moment.

So grab a cuppa and we can have a chat on here blueatlantic .

Where do you live?

Lou x

blankpieceofpaper Sat 11-Jun-16 11:16:15

me too

it petered out with the person I was sort of seeing and friends are all busy living their lives.

it is very quiet.

blueatlantic Sat 11-Jun-16 11:32:54

I know what you mean blank, although I have cats I just really want someone to do nothing with I think.

Noodledoodledoo Sat 11-Jun-16 11:48:50

Being lonely sucks - have been there and can completely sympathise.

I have always done the voluntary work so had plenty of non work interactions, all my close friends lived a distance away and had pretty much all moved on to the marriage and kids part of their life.

Not many people can understand how you can be lonely when apparently surrounded by lots of people. It did form part of my slight depression I had a few years ago.

Completely get the wanting someone to do nothing with!

No advice just sympathy - the only way I got past it was to keep on doing things I enjoyed, arranging stuff, joining 'singles' clubs, and ultimately meeting my husband - not a quick thing!

Noodledoodledoo Sat 11-Jun-16 11:50:44

Oh and have also felt incredibly lonely whilst on Mat leave as well - I remember my poor husband saying he would take our little girl out to give me a break - bless him trying to be helpful - and me losing it as what I really really needed was some time with an adult, and not at a club doing something for the baby/volunteering to do things for others!

LostQueen Sat 11-Jun-16 11:54:44

Being a single parent makes me feel incredibly lonely most of the time too.

Keithyoustink Sat 11-Jun-16 11:56:52

Same here - I am busy - pt work, a uni course, voluntary work but only see friends occasionally as they are busy with their own lives or live some distance away.

I too have no-one to do nothing with - it sucks really.

wheresthel1ght Sat 11-Jun-16 11:57:38

Lostlou love it grin

Op I feel the same even though I live with dp dd and dscs eow. None of my friends are local and dp works nights. It is very isolating.

Are there particular times when the feeling is worse?

Birdsgottafly Sat 11-Jun-16 11:58:09

I feel the same, for the first time in my life.

I lost all of my remaining friends, when I was in an abusive relationship and now, at 48, I haven't got anyone to do things with, accept for a few family members.

People don't trust others without friends, so it's impossible to make friends, in later life.

RedHelenB Sat 11-Jun-16 11:59:09

I ve always wondered about a Golden Girls set up when the kids leave

TWOBANANAS Sat 11-Jun-16 12:00:46

I'm a stay at home mum but they've all now started school. I have never been so lonely or depressed in my whole life. My partner says he'd swap his life for mine any day (he works full time) but I really honestly don't think he would. I speak to no-one all day Mon to Fri and the weekends he just wants to stay at home and not socialise as he likes spending time at home with the family. I'm going insane. You are so not alone, there are so many other lonely people out there.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sat 11-Jun-16 12:05:40

I know how you feel. I'm a single mum, no friends, no job etc. Last week I realised that in 3 days the only person I'd spoken to was my 18mo son. It's hard especially as I've always been a bit of a loner, but this is the first time in my life I've actually felt "lonely" IYSWIM.

TheStoic Sat 11-Jun-16 12:07:07

Loneliness is about quality, rather than quantity.

One genuine, close connection will always beat hundreds of acquaintances - the feeling that you are truly seen and heard and valued by another person.

Is there a connection you have with any person on the edges of your life that you could nurture?

Keithyoustink Sat 11-Jun-16 12:10:12

People don't trust others without friends, so it's impossible to make friends, in later life.

Sadly I think this is true but there are so many isolated people particularly I think single/divorced people of 40+. When you're older, you need to be be lucky enough to meet someone with a friendship "vacancy" as most people have established friendship groups and don't seem to have time for new friendships even if they quite like you. The only new proper friend I have made as an older person is a women who moved here from abroad to live with her DP - I see her during the day for coffee but evenings and weekends she is busy doing couples things.

blueatlantic Sat 11-Jun-16 12:29:28

I have friends but find they are busy unless it's organised in advance (obviously this is reasonable and not a criticism of them)

MyNewBearTotoro Sat 11-Jun-16 12:38:43

I lived on my own for a time before having my DD and I remember finding it awfully lonely.

Unfortunately if the problem is loneliness at home, even when you have an active social life, it is hard to get past. I know it sounds cliched but have you thought about getting a pet? They're not the same as human company but I genuinely do find being around animals preferable to being alone.

Is there any way to change your current situation and live with others, either by getting a lodger or moving into a house share?

blueatlantic Sat 11-Jun-16 12:48:15

I have cats smile I'm a bit old for a house share I think! grin

bonnie1981 Sat 11-Jun-16 20:49:36

I'm lonely too. I see my school gate mums friends on facebook partying etc and I'm sitting on mumsnet.

Most activities they organise with others are during the day - not everyone is p/t or sahm. I work full time.

And I don't always want to meet up with kids in tow, especially if they hate each other. One potential friendship died because of that.

I've done the evening classes, exercise classes thing and it doesn't work for me either.

I just need someone who can come round for a cuppa or go to the cinema.

I have a colleague I really like but I don't see that extending outside of work as she doesn't live near and already has lots of non work friends.

bonnie1981 Sat 11-Jun-16 20:51:40

and there's people who are only interested in what you can do for them, so I don't make an effort anymore with those.

NorfolkEnchantsToday Sat 11-Jun-16 21:10:43

I feel exactly the same especially tonight, I feel one more minute might crack me and I'll cry and never stop so I'm turning in, sometimes it's the easier option

supermoonshine Sat 11-Jun-16 21:30:39

It sucks being lonely. I really don't know what would help, I am very disillusioned with a bunch of women who I thought were friends but who really don't care one bit. I'm trying to build other friendships but it's hard although I am still positive about it. Try to keep an open mind about who can come into your life and I know it's corny but maybe go on a course or join a group?

Tiredofsummer Sat 11-Jun-16 21:46:12

I am also very lonely im trying my best to have more adult company being a single mum is very isolating. sad

Cocoabutton Sat 11-Jun-16 22:02:40

Another single mum here, no external childcare support - I love my DC, I have a good job and a nice life overall, but it is a bit bleak to have no social life and no chance of a social life. But then I also think I have forgotten how to been sociable too!

Haworthiia Sat 11-Jun-16 22:10:45

Me too.
I'm an expat - no family here and no friends either. Peooke I thought were friends have never bothered to keep in touch - I was dropped instantly and have found that so hurtful.
I have dh and baby ds, so I shouldn't complain, but I Am very very lonely. I see a long lonely existence of we stay in this country.

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