About this woman in the pub

(28 Posts)
dontsufferfools Fri 10-Jun-16 22:12:28

Tonight after work the DH and I popped into our local to meet friends and catch up about the week.

We were laughing and joking when all of sudden a woman started shouting loudly "don't talk to your fucking mother like that" and "if I hear it again I will sort you out". I turned around and she was shouting at a boy no older than 5/6 cowering in his seat and she was in his face.

I was furious. Really furious.

Everyone in the pub stopped and stared but no one actually said anything. And neither did I.

Despite staring at her and wishing she would say something so I could have a quiet word.

I now recognise my behaviour was purely emotive, not necessarily helpful and could well have made the situation worse. But at the time I was so mad.

I now feel bad for the boy and am not sure I shouldn't have intervended.

So, AIBU to have kept my mouth shut as it was none of my business and I could have made the situation worse.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose Fri 10-Jun-16 22:17:04

Hopefully the collective reaction might get through to her...

AgentZigzag Fri 10-Jun-16 22:21:29

You can only hope it was a one off because she was at the end of her tether and they're totally fine for the rest of the time.

I'm sure he's snuggled up in bed now and she's have a large one wine

Don't feel bad about not saying anything though, just that on its own wasn't abusive IMO so not really your place to pull her up on it.

dontsufferfools Fri 10-Jun-16 22:31:23

Thanks Agent.

I think my issue was she isn'tthe boys mum. She was the friend of their mum ( I didn't make that clear, sorry).

I guess aggressive shouting and swearing in public at children makes me uncomfortable. I was emotion lead as I wouldn't do it and its made me mad. IAnd I think you're right that maybe it isn't my place to pull them up on it.

But I do think its abusive.

I really really hope he is cuddled up in bed warm and safe.

seasidesally Fri 10-Jun-16 22:33:52

blimey if people can talk like that in public with no shame what are they like at home

dontsufferfools Fri 10-Jun-16 22:37:57

That's what I thought seaside ...

I keep thinking about the boy. But I guess that as the mum was there and didn't say anything then it really wasn't my place to get involved.

I think maybe IWBU to think I should get involved.

seasidesally Fri 10-Jun-16 22:41:33

i know,its a tough one

ive a big mouth and would probably say something but thats not to say that would be the right thing to do

i really hope the boy is ok and like another posters said she was just at the end of her tether and went a bit ott

Newes Fri 10-Jun-16 22:45:02

Probably happens a lot. Someone challenging her in a pub is unlikely to change her behaviour but at least you all had a good Tut.

AgentZigzag Fri 10-Jun-16 22:45:09

In that case definitely don't feel bad for not saying anything if the Mum was there!

I wonder why she didn't tell her to STFU talking to her DS like that?

Wdigin2this Fri 10-Jun-16 22:54:02

Good grief, if the boy is shouted at like that in public, what's he getting at home?!

dontsufferfools Fri 10-Jun-16 22:55:07

I don't ever get that kind of public remonstrating.

I have children and they misbehave and drive me to distraction and I am a gobby bitch but I don't bollock them with swear words and threats despite being a potty mouth. And I certainly wouldn't let anyone else.

And I thought about it and I wouldn't have challenged her in front of everyone but I did wonder if I was in the loo at the same time as her if I'd have said something. And I think I would have. So I am probably lucky that I didn't meet her in the loo's!

I watched the mum discreetly for a while after and I think she doesn't care that this happens. There was s lot of effing and blinding in general.

Why can't people just be nice all round so that I don't question myself....?!

KissMyArse Fri 10-Jun-16 23:02:25

Any idea what the child said to his mother to have sparked such a reaction?

Not that it's acceptable to intimidate a child but if he'd called her a 'c**t' or something then maybe it was a one-off short, sharp shock. From your follow-up posts it's unlikely but without the full context I can only hoik my judgeypants half way up.

StarryIllusion Fri 10-Jun-16 23:09:23

Tbf you don't know what the circumstances were. I once grabbed my friends son by the shirt, shoved him into the wall and told him he was turning into his asshole father and to sort his attitude out before I flattened him. He was 12 and an hour before had smacked his mum in the face with a rounders bat in a temper. I was watching him and his sister while she got stitches. To anyone around I expect my threat to put him flat on his back in hospital sounded pretty abusive but in context I was at the end of my rope and I wasn't having the hard man act and intimidation from a 12 year old.

That kid could have been talking to his mother like dirt all day for all you knew and if she was anything like my friend she wouldn't stand up to him herself. Idk I don't think you can judge someone for losing their rag and shouting when you don't know what he has been like all day.

clarrrp Fri 10-Jun-16 23:14:27

*I wonder why she didn't tell her to STFU talking to her DS like that?
*

I always think this too. I have some neighbours who, aside from being the LOUDEST people you will ever meet also think it's acceptable to swear and yell at their kids - the names they call those kids and the things they say to them is shocking.

Got to the stage where I went over and spoke to them about it, explained that I didn't think it was acceptable and of course I got and earful of abuse and Mrs Gobby screaming in my face about how I know fucking nothing and she'll put my windows through and give me a slap blah blah and she'll fucking talk to her fucking kids whatever fucking way she fucking likes.

Some people shouldn't have kids.

dontsufferfools Fri 10-Jun-16 23:15:16

No, I don't know what the boy said. It didn't occur to me that such a young child would use the C word! (or any swear word)

But I don't think it matters. I still don't think that a friend shouts in the child's face that they don't "fucking " talk to their mother like that and they are going to "sort him out".

I am not a tolerant person, I have little patience. I am overworked and underpaid and have 5 children but I can control myself when they misbehave. And I do not shout abuse in their face....

But I also understand not everyone is like me and I get that I may have being U R to give this too much headspace.

dontsufferfools Fri 10-Jun-16 23:20:49

I am happy to accept that IABU to think that I should have got involved. But Starry you sound lovely.

If the only way we can resort to challenging children is to tell them they are turning into the "asshole of their father" we are all doomed.

Jesus.

StarryIllusion Fri 10-Jun-16 23:22:44

I heard a boy just last week in the shopping centre screaming you're a stupid slag at his mother. He looked about 6 or 7. You have to wonder where they get this kind of vocab, don't you?

EveryoneElsie Fri 10-Jun-16 23:27:52

I wouldnt know how to deal with a kid that smacked his mother in the face with a rounders bat.
Other than to point out to him in a robust fashion that there are consequenses to behaviour.

StarryIllusion Fri 10-Jun-16 23:28:35

I'm just going to repeat that he smacked his mum in the face with a rounders bat. Over dinner. Because he didn't want what she made. He wasn't challenging, he was an abusive little shit just like his dad and at 12, hardly a child anymore. He would have been tried as an adult in court. If you seriously think I was going to take that kind of crap lying down, you're delusional. Anyhow he didn't try it a second time so it obviously worked.

clarrrp Fri 10-Jun-16 23:33:08

You have to wonder where they get this kind of vocab, don't you?

From their parents.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine Fri 10-Jun-16 23:35:51

There was a thread, a few months ago, about being nonplussed.

What you experienced is what nonlussed actually means. ie wtf do I say in this really quite bewildering situation?

StarryIllusion Fri 10-Jun-16 23:39:14

Probably clarrrp. I'm determined not to swear in front of my kids. I'd be mortified if they started cursing in public. Kids dropping the f bomb just doesn't sound good. As far as attitude goes though, bloody peppa pig has a lot to answer for.

clarrrp Fri 10-Jun-16 23:39:27

I'm just going to repeat that he smacked his mum in the face with a rounders bat. Over dinner. Because he didn't want what she made. He wasn't challenging, he was an abusive little shit just like his dad and at 12, hardly a child anymore. He would have been tried as an adult in court. If you seriously think I was going to take that kind of crap lying down, you're delusional. Anyhow he didn't try it a second time so it obviously worked.

While I don't normally agree with grabbing kids, I do think you are right, this was extreme. He wouldn't have been tried as an adult, however at 12 he is old enough to accept criminal responsibility and the punishments that the court decide.

In this case, it's also highly likely that your actions would be seen as defensive and a reasonable level of restraint.

clarrrp Fri 10-Jun-16 23:40:29

StarryIllusion

I FUCKING HATE that bastardy fucking pig.

Sorry, rant over.

dontsufferfools Fri 10-Jun-16 23:42:01

Were you the woman in the pub Starry?

Smacking someone in the face with a rounders bat is never acceptable. Of course it isn't. But there is a reason for the behaviour. Some attention is better than no attention? Not because he's turning into an "asshole like his father". I bet it helped a lot, telling him that while grabbing him by the shirt.

If you think that's acceptable then you help contribute to his behaviour. In my humble opinion.

And "abusive little shit" makes my blood boil. You get that children are not born with behaviours? They learn them?

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