Is It U To think children should ask for food?

[DreamCloud99]

DH and I can't agree . One of us was raised in a household where it was take as you please and one of us was raised as asking if we could have X, Y, Z . Never denied , just polite asking before taking .

We have almost 5 year old twins.

One of the twins would eat all day given the chance - out of boredom . He will not play or entertain himself and just constantly asks for food.

Fruit or veg is never denied (unless they've just eaten a piece ) . Snacks like crisps , biscuits etc are allowed in moderation .

Is it unreasonable to have them say "please can I have an apple/biscuit/etc " or should they just take as they please ?

Opinions ?

[talllikejerryhall]

My boy is 11 and asks permission to eat / drink whatever - which is rarely denied unless he's just eaten. If he had free range to fridge he would stuff himself silly

[Elvish]

I expect my DC to ask, because they don't have huge appetites and would snack on rubbish rather than eat a proper meal. It's my responsibility to make sure they have a balanced diet and helping themselves wouldn't do that.

[ASpiderInThebath]

At that age I think they definitely should ask! Just so that you know what they're eating and know if anything needs to be replaced. Also I don't think a four year old can regulate what they eat. My 13 year old still asks out of politeness although she isn't denied as she's able to regulate sensibly now. But as 4/5, no way.

[HairySubject]

Mine have to ask, fruit is never denied but they would just eat biscuits, ice-cream and crisps for fun and never eat their dinner.

[babybythesea]

I grew up in a house of asking. Mostly the answer was yes. If it was no the reason was given. Too close to dinner time, you've already had crisps today etc etc. My kids now also ask. At 7 and 3 they don't know if I'm about to get dinner and I don't want them filling up on junk just before I cook only for them to refuse the meal. And I am also in charge of the shopping. If they ask, I know roughly what needs replacing. And I can dole it out during the week rather than them gorge on one thing on the first day and have none left for the rest of the week. I adopt a 'once it's gone it's gone' stance so I won't do top ups, and at least if they ask me I can explain that.
The fact that they still say things like "I promise I will still eat my dinner even if I have the biscuits first' indicates to me that they are not mature enough to make those decisions and so they need to ask so as the adult I can make a good judgement for them, with appropriate explanations.

[BrandNewAndImproved]

It's whatever works for you surely?

My dc have a lunch box snack cupboard where the mini rolls, crisps and crap goes. They are allowed to have whatever they want mostly but have to ask first. They also know when it's gone it's gone but they have to ask because I need to know what's there.

Same for the fruit bowl I rarely say no but if I won't have time to go shopping and I need enough fruit for lunchboxes until Friday I need to make sure it doesn't run out.

They don't eat and eat eat, but they do go through growing stages where they're always hungry and I let them fill up on toast and fruit as long as they eat their dinner.

Kids aren't cows however and they're not allowed to graze all day.

[ilovemakkapakka]

I think they should def. be asking, esp. as I would not expect small children to be able to regulate their food intake (can barely do it myself after all..)

[HeffalumpHistory]

I expect them to ask but do take ds word when he says he's hungry. He's growing like a weed so I could well believe it's hard to fill him this week. It's just a courtesy/I'd never keep track of what I need to buy if they didn't

[Kikibanana86]

Mine don't ask and they don't overeat. I think saying they can't regulate at that age is silly, surely it's what you're used to?

If food is restricted from day one then they're never going to be able to self regulate, because that's what they're used to.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

Ask out of politeness, and because when they are young they will possibly eat just before mealtimes.

[PotOfYoghurt]

There's a fruit bowl on the bench which they can help themselves to if hungry, for anything else they must ask.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

Even 5 minutes before dinner PotOfYoghurt ?

[originalmavis]

Fruit bowl and veggie rack is a free for all (I have a carrot muncher) but anything else is usually asked for (as in 'muuuuuum can you bring me a biscuit please?'). Mainly to stop scoffing before a meal.

[Crispbutty]

it was always ask in my house, never help yourself.. we werent very cash rich and the food in the house was usually all accounted for for meals.. we never had snacks really

[pearlylum]

I think whatever works. My kids were never big snackers, so often wouldn't think to eat between meals, unless I offered, so they were pretty much allowed to eat whatever they wanted without asking.
I have a less healthy basket in the kitchen where chocolate, sweets, biscuits etc- my kids have always had full access to this cupboard too.

[Lurkedforever1]

Dd's just always helped herself, from being a toddler. But tbh she's never been interested in food other than for hunger, and doesn't have a sweet tooth. Only asking is when it's something like meat/ fish that might be needed for a meal.

[murmuration]

I don't think's U to make them ask, but neither not.

We've got a snack cupboard that 4yo DD can go to whenever she wants, and there's always fruit on the table. She doesn't snack right before dinner because I'll be cooking and in the way, so she can't get at the stuff :)

[OneArt]

There's no right answer here but my DC ask. I almost always say yes unless there's a meal due within an hour.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I think they should ask. At 5yrs, you should be monitoring what they eat and suggesting they have an apple instead of a biscuit.

[AristotleTheGreat]

Mines had to ask at that age but then dc1 was also one of those dcs who would eat all day and it was clear he would have ended very 'big' left to his own devices.
Dc2 on the other was hardly eating anyway so you could have left the cupboard wide open, it wouldn't have made one bit of difference...

I think, in general, it's normal to ask. As they are now much older, teenagers, leaving them eat whatever they want would mean not having the stuff you need for preparing the meals because it would have used 'for snacking'.
However, some stuff is always OK. Fruits, bread, biscuits, whatever has been bought snacks.

[voddiekeepsmesane]

You say 1 eats out of boredom, then definitely they need to ask before taking especially a 5yo. You are there to TEACH about food and the difference between actually being hungry or using food as a crutch. DS at 5 he was monitored and told constantly that he was to leave room for veges etc. If I found that he didn't have enough at main meal times then snacks were managed accordingly. Now at 12 has a good relationship with food and what is available to snack on while keeping in mind what and when the main meals of the day are. If I allowed him to have what he wanted when he wanted at 5, it would have been crisps and biscuits and that's all.

[pearlylum]

At 5yrs, you should be monitoring what they eat and suggesting they have an apple instead of a biscuit.

Depends on the child though. Some children would choose an apple over a biscuit.
My kids are allowed to eat as much chocolate as they like.

[ChippyMinton]

Mine ask, unless they are home alone (teens). It's just basic manners.

What do the free-access DC do when they are in other people's houses? Help themselves there too? Or do they know to ask?

[Notso]

My younger two can have fruit or veg anytime.The older two have snack boxes as well as fruit and veg they can eat whatever they want but I only fill them once a week. All I ask from the older ones is that they tell me if the use or nearly use the last of bread/milk/crackers or whatever.

[moosemama]

Mine all ask, mainly because it helps me keep track of what we have and haven't got left.

Dd only ever wants fruit. We have three fruit bowls and she would empty the lot if I didn't regulate her intake a little bit. Ds1 would eat sugary crap 24/7 and never any fruit, if allowed. Ds2 never snacks outside of his meals and after school snack that I put out for him.

We do have a rule that says if they're hungry and I'm unavailable to ask for any reason (eg on phone) they can have whatever fruit they like, but if they want something else they have to wait and ask me. That tends to sort out whether or not they're genuinely hungry.

We don't have a treat/snack cupboard because if we did I'd be prone to eating all the contents while they're at school.