Being a twat doesn't automatically mean they have MH issues

(56 Posts)
Sherlocked1606 Mon 06-Jun-16 19:45:09

Ok so there is a man at work who behaves disgustingly towards the women in the office. He is perfectly fine with the men.

Today he made sexual remarks about the school age daughter of a co worker. Her daughter was in her school uniform in her school photo. He was making comments about how fit the daughter is and how lots of men would like to fuck her. Yes he used the word fuck.

Myself and several other women told him he was talking about a child and to stop.he just smirked and walked away.

I told my colleagues that I had had enough and was going to report him. One of the other men said not to as he has MH issues. I asked whether he actually does or was he just guessing. He said that only someone who has MH issues would say things like that. I respondedthat no he was a twat, you don't need MH issues to be a twat. Although inappropriate behaviour can be a sign of MH issues, one doesn't automatically mean the other. I was told I was being rude angry and was just as bad as he was.

I told him to get a grip. That you can be a twat without having MH issues. He then said if I complained about the other man making comments he, my colleague would complain about me. This made the mother of the daughter to say just leave it. That it wasn't worth it.

Am I wrong? Was I being unreasonable? Thanks

Arfarfanarf Mon 06-Jun-16 19:47:23

No.

You should report him

TrinityForce Mon 06-Jun-16 19:47:31

I'd report that kind of behaviour to their manager, if they do have mental health issues then the manager can respond to their behaviour appropriately to their situation.

Do you have the same manager as these 2 men? I'd discuss the other man's attitude as well, that if you reported the awful comments of the other that they would "report you".

What the fuck would he 'report' you for? Get it on record what's been said so it can't come back to bite you.

Arfarfanarf Mon 06-Jun-16 19:47:59

And the colleague who threatened you too.

araiba Mon 06-Jun-16 19:48:13

i dont give a shit if you have mental health problems- if you act the twat, i will tell you to fuck off

PreciousVagine Mon 06-Jun-16 19:49:45

YANBU. Even if he does have MH issues, you can have MH issues and still be a twat.

Ikeameatballs Mon 06-Jun-16 19:49:48

You are not being unreasonable and in the circumstances you describe even if he did have MH issues the comments are entirely inappropriate and offensive in any setting let alone a workplace. You should report him.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 06-Jun-16 19:50:19

It doesn't matter if he has MH issues.

Having MH issues is not a "Be a Twat" free pass.

HR should be stamping on this.

Record him and complain to his boss in the first instance.

LilithCrane Mon 06-Jun-16 19:51:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HermioneWeasley Mon 06-Jun-16 19:51:28

Christ, those comments are borderline dismissal. And I'd seriously consider reporting him to the police too in case he's followed through on his underage girls predilection. Revolting. Report away.

Floggingmolly Mon 06-Jun-16 19:52:51

Even if he does have issues; what excuse does the idiot who threatened to complain about you have?? Report the bloody lot of them.
Can't believe the child's mother said to leave it hmm

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Mon 06-Jun-16 19:54:07

Another person of the opinion that he should be reported even if he does have mental health issues. As you say he could well just be a disgusting git.

LilithCrane Mon 06-Jun-16 19:54:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zaurak Mon 06-Jun-16 19:57:25

Report him, and do be sure to mention he threatened to complain about you too.

If I heard anyone make remarks like that at work I'd consider them a liability. Sexist, inappropriate, borderline peado. Someone with that little filter between brain and mouth does not have the self control needed to hold down a job where diplomacy and people skills are needed.

KittyandTeal Mon 06-Jun-16 19:58:06

That's the kind of attitude that gives people with mh issues a hard time!

Definitely report him, even if he does have some mh issues or issues that means he does not fully understand social situations or inappropriate comments then someone needs to point out to him that telling someone that their school age daughter is fuckable is absolutely unacceptable and likely to get him hurt.

People need to know that some things are utterly unacceptable. They might struggle learning the social rules but in that case someone needs to support them.

My gut feeling is though, that he is a sexist, insensitive nob and was looking for a reaction.

SatansLittleHelper2 Mon 06-Jun-16 20:00:01

If he can't be respectful towards women then he shouldnt be around them.

I do know of a guy who could have similar attitudes towards women, in his case he'd suffered extreme, childhood abuse at the hands of his mother and other females within the family. We all knew his history and it absolutely not give him a get out of jail free card, with a lot of work and a desire to want to change he's a pretty decent human being these day, mainly because the people around him didnt constantly make excuses for the.less desirable.sides of his.personality.

Ilovewillow Mon 06-Jun-16 20:00:46

Report both of them. If he does have MH issues then it is not for you or your colleagues to worry about but the management team. He is using thoroughly unpleasant language that is totally inappropriate in any setting!

MrsHathaway Mon 06-Jun-16 20:00:57

Report them both.

Even if he had MH issues making him say inappropriate things, that wouldn't excuse them. The only possible excuse would be something like Tourettes but that doesn't tend to present as fluently as OP reports, nor as unrepentantly.

He seems to think he's untouchable with that smirking. Do please prove him wrong.

Bolograph Mon 06-Jun-16 20:06:40

People need to know that some things are utterly unacceptable. They might struggle learning the social rules but in that case someone needs to support them.

Wankers like that choose their audiences carefully: you can be sure that if the person showing the photograph had been a six foot two bloke he would have been more circumspect. These are the special sort of "mental health issues" which only manifest themselves when there's no risk of being beaten to a pulp.

There are, of course, a tiny handful of mental health issues which cause people to lack moral agency. They are unlikely to be found outside secure hospitals. Anyone behaving like this knows exactly what he's doing, knows he can get away with it, and continues to do so because people are too willing to accept the "oh, it's my mental health" excuse.

Go to HR and say that you won't work with a paedophile.

ImperialBlether Mon 06-Jun-16 20:07:05

I think you should report, but I also think your choice of language wasn't professional. I assume that's what he would report you for?

lougle Mon 06-Jun-16 20:07:56

We need a Venn diagram here. That would sort this out very easily and prove you conclusively right.

stumblymonkey Mon 06-Jun-16 20:08:13

YANBU...being a twat doesn't mean you have MH issues. Having MH issues doesn't mean that you act like a twat.

Even if he had MH issues it doesn't mean he can act like a twat. Even if he has MH issues and they directly cause the twattishness in some way (not sure what MH issue would cause him to act in the way he is) you can't be expected to be a mind reader and 'just know' he has MH issues.

I say all of this as someone with MH issues.

Don't discuss it with other people but report him in the correct channels.

emotionsecho Mon 06-Jun-16 20:10:30

Report both of them, don't tell them you are doing it just do it.

MissElizaBennettsBookmark Mon 06-Jun-16 20:11:13

Report them to HR.

Disgusting pigs...

Bolograph Mon 06-Jun-16 20:27:23

you can't be expected to be a mind reader and 'just know' he has MH issues.

Or to be expected to put up with it. "Reasonable adjustments" is precisely that: reasonable.

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