Parents will not babysit, aibu?

(140 Posts)
EveryCloudhasl Mon 06-Jun-16 17:13:58

Aibu to be really hurt and angry that my parents will never babysit because stepdad just doesn't want to? My mother used to babysit on occasion but has only once in the past year. I'm a single parent with no support what so ever, the father is no longer on the scene and I have no other family or friends that could babysit. The past 6 months have been awful for me after leaving my DDs abusive father then having to leave a job I loved due to having no childcare, In turn I have also lost my social life completely. I am very depressed atm if I'm honest but am bearing through and planning to make my future better. I have asked quite a few times recently of my parents will babysit one night so I can go out and socialise. They get really narky when I ask and usually I get 'no I'm too tired I don't want to' they're never busy or anything just don't want to, which is from my stepdad. He says he never wanted children so doesn't see why he should look after someone else's (he's been my stepdad since I was 5!). My daughter adores him as grandad. It just really hurts this rejection, I wish they would want to see their granddaughter and it not be a chore to them sad I don't expect it all the time at all maybe just 1 evening every few months, aubi?

ReginaTheVelociraptor Mon 06-Jun-16 17:22:14

YANBU but it's their choice. I learned that you can't change people and their decisions a long time ago. It led me to cut off my father and step mother completely as they had no interest in either my life or my children's.

Is it possible for you to arrange babysitters outside of your family unit? Other mums who are friends or through a reputable agency or is this out of your budget?

tigermoll Mon 06-Jun-16 17:25:28

I can see that it's hurtful that your parents don't want to spend time with your child. But they don't want to, and you can't make them.

I'm sorry you've been having a difficult time, and maybe you should try to build other support networks -- and see you GP about your depression, as that will be making everything seem ten times worse. Well done on leaving your abusive partner.

FWIW, I I hate kids, and would never offer to babysit anyone's.

JapaneseSlipper Mon 06-Jun-16 17:28:31

I know you'll get a lot of people on here saying "it's not their responsibility", but personally I find it pretty pathetic when people won't babysit their own grandchildren.

YANBU OP, I'm sorry you're having a tough time, well done for getting out of an abusive relationship.

GloGirl Mon 06-Jun-16 17:29:43

God YANBU. But getting annoyed and hurt about it won't fix it. You need to try a way of sorting out your time off without them. I don't think it'd fair but you can't make them babysit.

Can you ask around for a local babysitter? Or arrange playdates so you and thr other parent can have some time off?

Crispbutty Mon 06-Jun-16 17:31:11

Invite friends over to your house so you dont lose your social contacts.

Are you asking your parents to babysit at your house, meaning they will just be sat there and your child will be asleep in bed? Would your child not be able to go and stay with them maybe?

blueturtle6 Mon 06-Jun-16 17:33:09

Yanbu, did your grandparents ever look after you? If so id point that out, but on the flip side do you want someone looking after your child who doesn't want to?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Mon 06-Jun-16 17:36:39

In view of your particular circumstances, I think this is pretty shitty behaviour. Just remember this when they're old and lonely in the nursing home begging you to visit.

As for this:

He says he never wanted children so doesn't see why he should look after someone else's (he's been my stepdad since I was 5!)

Well, he shouldn't have bloody married a woman with a 5 year old child, should he??

flowers flowers

DorothyHarris Mon 06-Jun-16 17:37:08

You'll get everyone coming along shortly saying YABU but I don't think you are. Surely part of being a parent is to help your children with their children and who wouldn't want to do that? I always wonder on here.

NeedACleverNN Mon 06-Jun-16 17:39:05

Well I think it's a mixture really...

You shouldn't expect anyone to baby sit your child BUT it's not completely unreasonable to want a bit of time to yourself every now and then or that nanny would want her own gc for a bit.

Your step dad is a dick

KateLivesInEngland Mon 06-Jun-16 17:40:56

This is my parents all over (except both parents are biological to me)
I have siblings and they are treated the same as me. I'm very lucky I have great ILs but my brothers ILs are sadly passed away so If I don't offer to babysit occasionally for them, they don't get to go out.
The annoying thing is, when my parents are old, I know they will expect us to be at their beck and call (they can be like that now) and I'm just not sure what I will do if that is the case.
Me and my mother are not close, she is not maternal at all and I often wonder what on earth made her have one child, let alone more than that.
Op, you have my every sympathy flowers

KateLivesInEngland Mon 06-Jun-16 17:41:38

I'd second the inviting friends to your house too, have a lovely wine night regularly. Defo a good way round it.

CharminglyGawky Mon 06-Jun-16 17:42:26

It isn't their responsibility but at the same time it is a normal expectation for grandparents and I would be very hurt in your place, both for my children that the GP's don't seem to want to spend time with and as a daughter who just wants support from her mum.

TheDuchyOfGrandFenwick Mon 06-Jun-16 17:43:42

Will they babysit during the day time? I wouldn't expect my parents or anyone to look after my child over night tbh.

NotYoda Mon 06-Jun-16 17:44:56

Your stepfather sounds charming, and your mother sounds like she can't stand up to him

YANBU

And, yes, it's tempting to use that line on him sometime when he wasn't help ("Well, I didn't ask for you to be my father, so...")

NotYoda Mon 06-Jun-16 17:45:18

wants help, not wasn't

MadisonMontgomery Mon 06-Jun-16 17:46:02

My dad has clearly told me that if I have children I shouldn't expect him to help out in any way. It does irritate me a bit - surely when you have children you know there is a chance you might be a grandparent, with all that that entails? Plus my grandparents looked after me all the time! But you can't force people I suppose.

rookiemere Mon 06-Jun-16 17:46:31

YANBU - I can totally understand why you'd want them to do the occasional evening. Do they visit you and your DD at other times?

Alwaysonadiet Mon 06-Jun-16 17:49:31

YANBU. I can't imagine not wanting to help my own DD with her children in the future so it hurts like hell when your own parents aren't interested. Sorry that you are struggling and feel down. Hope things get better, do try and get some play dates if you can, even if babysitting doesn't happen straight away, it may in time . Good luck and try to keep positive.

NotYoda Mon 06-Jun-16 17:50:52

Do they know you are depressed?

Italiangreyhound Mon 06-Jun-16 17:54:17

YANBU he is an arse and your mum is stupid to side with him.

Build a network of friends you really trust so your kids could do sleep overs and friends kids could do sleep overs with you so between you all you can have nights out.

Sorry, your parents sound awful, but you sound like you have the power to pull yourself out of this situation and change things for the better.

thanks

SpiritedLondon Mon 06-Jun-16 17:55:28

I'm lucky that my mum is very child oriented and she looks after my nephews and nieces a lot. Unfortunately she lives 150 miles away and although willing to come it isn't very practical for just an evening out ( but she does come and help when the childminder is away). My dad and step mum live much closer but have never offered once. I did discover too late that there were a couple of teenage girls in my street who did a lot of babysitting for local children at pretty reasonable rates but they've gone off to uni now so I never got to try that. The most attractive option then is to have a little reciprocal arrangements with other mums. I've taken my daughter over to a single mum friend and she's fed her etc there which she finds easier than bringing her daughter with her to my house. Likewise I'm pretty happy to go and sit at someone's house and babysit particularly if they have Netflix and chocolate ! I don't think you are being unreasonable but I don't see your situation changing so I would abandon it as a cause and seek alternative arrangements if you can. Good luck.

ImperialBlether Mon 06-Jun-16 17:58:37

Won't they even have your child overnight at their house?

Owlytellsmesecrets Mon 06-Jun-16 17:59:30

To be fair ..... They have already raised their children ... I am never offended if we are refused as they are my responsibility.
Have friends over when the kids have gone to bed or have meet ups in the day with other mums and kids!

expatinscotland Mon 06-Jun-16 18:00:00

Your mother sounds like she is as controlled by your stepdad as you were by your ex. YANBU, but as that help is not forthcoming, you'll need to make your own provisions. I'd start by having friends over instead of going out.

They won't babysit, that's just how it is.

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