To not go straight home?

(37 Posts)
Oysterbabe Sat 04-Jun-16 09:50:22

DD is 5 months. I haven't really left her for more than a few minutes to pop to the shop since she's been born. She's a rather demanding baby but has been much, much better the last few weeks. I've finally got round to making a hair appointment to sort out my straggly mop this afternoon. I was thinking about taking my Kindle and stopping in the naice coffee shop after for a latte and slice of carrot cake. DH is looking after our DD. There's plenty of expressed milk in the fridge... But she does often get pretty fussy around that time, she screams because she's tired but fights sleep, it can be hard to get her to nap. Is it mean to leave DH to it for an extra hour? I am better at calming her down than him but a bit of reading in peace would be amazing.

Arcadia Sat 04-Jun-16 09:52:07

Grab some time for yourself!

8FencingWire Sat 04-Jun-16 09:52:35

Go for it!

youknowwhattodo Sat 04-Jun-16 09:53:46

Yanbu - definitely go for it!

Euphemia Sat 04-Jun-16 09:55:32

Do it - it'll be good for her, Daddy and you!

RB68 Sat 04-Jun-16 09:58:33

why are you even thinking about it he is her Dad he will manage and appreciate you more as well

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sat 04-Jun-16 10:00:10

Oh god go for it! I always do exactly the same! How often do we get totally alone time otherwise?!

icebearforpresident Sat 04-Jun-16 10:01:19

Do it. If your DH says anything about how long you've been say nothing and tell him your stylist was running late.

PresidentCJCregg Sat 04-Jun-16 10:03:38

Do it! It's a baby, not a bomb.

GravityLucy Sat 04-Jun-16 10:04:37

The only way he'll get better at calming her down is if he has to do it. Stay out.

toomanyeggs Sat 04-Jun-16 10:08:06

I am better at calming her down than him they both need to learn then. Due to many things I always settled dd2, often taking over from dh when he struggled. She was bf, so was left with him for very limited time.

Now, at 7, I am still the only person she will let settle her at certain times.

Teresalosingtheirleaves Sat 04-Jun-16 10:09:16

Go! I'd have a coffee whilst your hair is being cut and read in case you change your mind. No need to though, you need a break and I always feel refreshed after some time out for myself.

Teresalosingtheirleaves Sat 04-Jun-16 10:10:08

Agree with too many...... I made that mistake it was 3 years before school settled at night without me. Stupid I was.

Teresalosingtheirleaves Sat 04-Jun-16 10:10:37

School !! That should be dc

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 04-Jun-16 10:24:00

Actually I disagree a bit. It's the first time, would it not be better for that to have been nice for them both - rather than ending a bit stressful?!

Then next weekend you can go out for lunch with a friend, or a cafe by yourself etc. Make a regular habit 😁

NorbertDentressangle Sat 04-Jun-16 10:29:16

Forget the coffee shop , go to the pub!! grin wink

Seriously though, go for coffee and a quite read and try and make it a regular thing if you can. The odd half hour/hour to yourself will do wonders for you.

ohtheholidays Sat 04-Jun-16 10:32:13

Go and do it,do it for all of us Mum's that can't.
Don't put it off because you don't know when your get the chance again.

storminabuttercup Sat 04-Jun-16 10:38:23

You should do it. I don't agree with telling your DH that the stylist is running late as PP mentioned just say 'I'll be home at x as I am going for coffee after my appointment' and enjoy it!

Rainbowshine Sat 04-Jun-16 10:39:10

They will be absolutely fine, and you will feel so much better for the time to yourself. It is also good for DD to have a happy, rested cake fuelled DM grin cake

Fairenuff Sat 04-Jun-16 10:41:41

He will learn to settle her. The more he does it, the easier it will get for him. Think back to the first time you were left alone with the baby. Was it easy straight away, or did you have to try different things with her to see what worked? Would you have wanted someone there telling you you were doing it wrong?

Let them find their way together. He is an adult the same as you and every bit as capable of caring for a baby.

If he seems frazzled when you get back it's to ask if he wants you to help in some way but don't immediately step in and take over. There's nothing more patronising than that. See what help he needs, he might prefer you to tidy up, get him a drink, clean the bottles, etc. whilst he carries on cuddling her. Or he might hand her straight to you and collapse on the sofa grin

Oh, and yes, enjoy your time to yourself smile

eatsleephockeyrepeat Sat 04-Jun-16 10:46:11

Oh god, totally stay out! Maybe just mention what time you expect to back on your way out the door though; "haircut's at 3 darling. Coffee on the way home so I expect to be back around 5. Have you got your poo repellent suit on and magic baby-calming sock puppets ready?? Good - you can do it!"

...I only say that because looking after a potentially grouchy baby (as you will know!) can be 1,000 times worse when there's no end in sight. You need to know when the cavalry will be coming. Also if you're later back than he's expecting he might be at the point of meltdown when you return; I've been known to flip if dp is later than anticipated, just because I have been literally counting down the seconds.

Also be prepared that you may actually want to rush back home after your haircut. That's okay too smile The number of times I "bagsied" doing the supermarket shop (so much quicker without the baby) just so I could mooch around the isles on my own... only to find myself twitching at the checkouts desperate to get back! Go have that coffee and enjoy it, but if you're not enjoying it go home and enjoy that instead.

Next time the pub!

branofthemist Sat 04-Jun-16 10:50:28

With things like this, I always say it depends on how you would feel if your partner did.

If you dh went out on a weekend and then stopped on to have a coffee, would you mind?

Some couples would, some couples wouldn't.

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs Sat 04-Jun-16 10:55:52

do it.
it sounds like he needs to be doing more with the baby on his own anyway.

eatsleephockeyrepeat Sat 04-Jun-16 10:57:11

With things like this, I always say it depends on how you would feel if your partner did.

A very good point there. When I say I'd drop in my expected return time as I walked out the door I'm not saying I'd spring it on dp so he couldn't complain about it; we just genuinely wouldn't have discussed the specifics of my "going out" until that point. He probably wouldn't even know I had a haircut, just that he'd have the baby for some unspecified length of time! And he'd be cool with that.

ScarlettDarling Sat 04-Jun-16 11:02:56

Do it, do it, do it. An extra hour for a peaceful coffee and read will really recharge your batteries. Just tell Dh an approximate time of return, he'll be fine!!

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