To block this woman?

(11 Posts)
Dailymaildailyfail Sat 04-Jun-16 08:27:29

New to MN but have lurked for a while.

My DM and DF divorced ten years ago, and 8 years ago my DM died. Since then DF has had a number of different partners- all of which we weren't massively keen on (there are five of us kids).

In the last 3 years however he has started living with a lovely woman who we all really like and all spend time with (I.e holidays and weekends away). There is talk of marriage soon.

DF has history of cheating/philandering. Although I was too young at the time when he was cheating and playing away from DM, after their divorce DM always told me the details and I'm very aware that DF struggles to keep it in his pants and be honest.

Since meeting his new partner- I'll call her Sue- everyone has remarked how reformed he seems to be. We don't think Sue has any clue about DF's past in terms of cheating on other partners before. I honestly felt that finally he would settle down and all this shady behaviour was behind him. I was wrong.

A week ago I got a message on my FB from a woman, who asked if I knew DF. I replied vaguely asking who she was as didn't want to give any details away. Long story short, DF has been using dating websites for the last 6 months and this woman had clearly been seeing DF behind Sue's back. She made a few noises about how DF never told her he had a partner, so I blocked her immediately and have tried to forget about it.

I have absolutely zero idea how this woman got my name or worked out DF was my Dad but now I'm worried she is going to get into contact with Sue. My FB has high privacy settings (I.e you can't search for me unless I'm a friend of a friend) and messages sent go into a filtered folder (which is where I found this message last week).

The location of this other woman is in the same area that Sue and DF live so I'm just panicking that Sue has probably been sent a message and it's sitting in her filtered folder and she hasn't worked out to see them yet.

I'm just feeling very anxious that soon this happy life of DF and Sue is going to come crashing down and I don't know what to do. I want to let DF know that I know what he has been up to, but it's more tempting to just block this other woman and forget about it. But what's concerning me most is how this woman found me and if she has got to me, then Sue must be on her hit list too.

More of a WWYD but I need to know if AIBU to raise this with DF.

Oysterbabe Sat 04-Jun-16 08:31:05

Doesn't Sue have a right to know?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sat 04-Jun-16 08:32:50

It's your ex who should be feeling bad not you- why do you feel responsible for their happiness?

branofthemist Sat 04-Jun-16 08:33:28

Surely sue has a right to know.

If your Df is playing away, he is the issue. Not the OW.

Dailymaildailyfail Sat 04-Jun-16 08:34:27

sharonthewaspandthewineywall It's not my Ex it's my Dad

Dailymaildailyfail Sat 04-Jun-16 08:35:45

Sue does have a right to know- but if Sue never sees this message or for some reason the OW has not got to Sue yet, it would be a horrible position to be in to have to tell her. I don't want to seem disloyal to DF but at same time I'm absolutely fucking livid with DF for putting me in this horrid position

RaspberryOverload Sat 04-Jun-16 08:35:52

sharon It's her dad not an ex.

OP, speak to your dad and tell him about this. It's then up to him to sort it out. But sharon is right that you're not responsible for their happiness.

TheWitchesofIzalith Sat 04-Jun-16 08:42:07

I think Sue has a right to know, but i'm not sure it should be up to you to tell her. In my (admittedly very limited) experience, the messenger often gets shot. 'Why did you have to tell me?/ If you hadn't poked your nose in, I'd still be happy' that sort of thing. Irrational but there we go.

I'm sorry not to be of more help, but I'd exercise caution. Is Sue on FB? If so, this woman might well contact her anyway, all you can do is be supportive.

TheWitchesofIzalith Sat 04-Jun-16 08:44:16

I agree with Raspberry. Speak to your dad, it's his problem to sort out. He created it.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sun 05-Jun-16 23:36:29

Oh sorry!
Naughty Dad! But still although it's a shame for Sue you shouldn't feel so responsible for their happiness

VocalDuck Sun 05-Jun-16 23:43:07

This isn't your responsibility and if Sue has been (or is in the future) messaged, then it is the consequences your DF needs to accept.

Besides, if Sue is that lovely, maybe it is kinder for her to realise what your DF is like so that she can find another partner who does not put her sexual health at risk and lies to her.

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