To give up my 16 yo Siamese cat

(45 Posts)
Theydidit Thu 02-Jun-16 19:09:58

I've had him since he was a kitten and he is a lovely affectionate sweet crazy cat.
My husband is allergic to him and so is my son so I try to keep him off of them as much as possible.
I have 19 month old twins who adore the cat but they have no concept of how to be nice to him. They 'cuddle' him which means sit on him and squash him. And also one is allergic (it's not life and death though - he gets hayfever type symptoms) the main thing is we have baby gates everywhere. Otherwise I just wouldn't br able to cope with the twins on my own. They run in different directions. This means the cat is constantly getting locked out of the room we're in. It's for his sake and my son's BUT I know he really just wants to be with the family and not on his own all day. He sits on my lap when I watch telly once the children are in bed but that's the only major attention he gets all day. If he was a normal cat this would probably be fine but he's more like a dog really he wants constant company. He's definitely not got much quality of life at the moment. He seems to spend most of the day under my bed and when he isn't there he's howling.
A nurse from our vets has said she would like to take him and I know he would have much more company with her but he's been with me all his life and he's old now. Would the change be good or bad? Should we just keep the status quo? I think my life would be easier without him - one of my sons picked up a cat poo off the floor the other day (no idea why the cat pood in the house - and I hadn't spotted it or otherwise I obviously would have cleaned it up) but it really freaked me out that he could have eaten it!! I also found a cat poo on the stairs the other day so that is twice in a week. I think this is affecting my decision as well to be honest.
I want to do what's right for the cat and for the rest of the family. I was thinking of suggesting she maybe took.him for a week on a trial basis and see how they got on...Anybody want to give me some advise?

SuburbanRhonda Thu 02-Jun-16 19:13:45

I would rehome the cat, heartbreaking though that will be. You're very lucky to have someone offer to take him - cats that age are very hard to home. I'm sure he's had many lovely years with you but you've said yourself he's not having fun. Pooing in the house shows how distressed he is. flowers

roundandroundthehouses Thu 02-Jun-16 19:15:54

I agree, and would reluctantly give him up if it was my decision to make. He sounds very distressed. The stress of moving at that age would be outweighed IMO by the stress he's going through now. If he has the possibility of a loving and quiet home, I would give him the chance to live out his days in peace.

Arfarfanarf Thu 02-Jun-16 19:16:11

I think that's a good idea. See how he is for a week.
It certainly sounds like hes massively stressed. Howling, soiling - he's unhappy. Much as you love him, maybe he would prefer a quiet retirement.
Give it a go. See how he is with it. Be guided by him.

bumblebeader Thu 02-Jun-16 19:18:38

I've had 5 cats so I know where you are coming from. We had the unexpected cat poo as well and we saw it as a sign that the cat wasn't happy. He may be either telling you he's not liking the situation or it could be that he's getting caught short and can't make it to the litter tray in time. We also had that with one of the cat's who was 17 yo. It's hard I know, I can't say what is best but the one week trial might be a good idea. I wouldn't say you were cruel to rehome him if that's what suits your family. I can only imagine the hard work 19-month old twins are!

RumbleMum Thu 02-Jun-16 19:19:26

He's middening (pooing in very visible areas) and, combined with the vocalisation, it sounds like he's pretty stressed. Is he in reasonable health?

I think I'd seriously consider the rehoming option given your circumstances and the availability of a new owner. Hard decision OP flowers

Disinterested Thu 02-Jun-16 19:20:07

Do whatever is best for the cat.

Thefitfatty Thu 02-Jun-16 19:21:51

Ah bless no YANBU. Thankfully he has someone to take him. Well done on loving him for 16 years!

DarthMother Thu 02-Jun-16 19:22:54

We have gone through something similar with our cat, our situation involves an elderly cat and a move away from neighbours the cat loves and spends most of the time with. We've come to the conclusion that our cat will be happier staying with the neighbours (they love the cat and are more than happy) rather than being dragged across the country and not even having the escape from the children that the neighbours provide. One of my children cuddling the poor cat's head vigorously was the decider for us. If your cat will be happier then it's the right choice, but I do understand the dilemma.

RhiWrites Thu 02-Jun-16 19:29:50

I think it's very unfair to rehome the cat instead of teaching your children how to properly care for animals.

The pop is because he's distressed. If you taught the children not to torment him it would stop.

RhiWrites Thu 02-Jun-16 19:30:02

* poo not pop

DoItTooJulia Thu 02-Jun-16 19:34:54

Rhi I don't think that's fair.

I think it sounds like the op adores this cat and is sad to find herself in this dilemma. She has 19 mo twins and is obviously trying to teach them but it takes time.

Op, I think you know that rehoming him is the kindest solution. I think you've shown that you have the cats best interests at heart, and sad though it is, that means he can't stay with you.

flowers-it must be difficult.

Theydidit Thu 02-Jun-16 19:59:05

Wow I hadn't even thought that the pooing might be bc he's distressed. sad
To be fair the boys aren't intentionally tormenting him. They love him. They are just too exuberant with their affection. We do tell them all the time.

mrsfuzzy Thu 02-Jun-16 20:15:10

let your cat live out it's final days in peace, any animal around young children isn't a good thing imo, youngsters don't mean to be unkind but ...

Thefitfatty Thu 02-Jun-16 20:29:19

*I think it's very unfair to rehome the cat instead of teaching your children how to properly care for animals.

The pop is because he's distressed. If you taught the children not to torment him it would stop.*

Oh for fucks sake get off your pedestal. The cat is old. Very old. Very old animals require a certain degree of care and gentleness that babies aren't capable, even if taught, of giving.

I have 5 cats, I kept the eldest (who was only 10) away from my children but it was hard. Our younger cats are much more gentle and understanding with the kids. The op has the option to rehome her elderly cat, and that's a better choice then keeping them confined to a room like I had to.

19lottie82 Thu 02-Jun-16 20:33:26

rhi don't be so stupid. The OP has loved and cared for her cat for 16 years, she's now trying to do what's best for it in its twilight years, which won't be living in a house surrounded by toddlers!

Teaching a 19month old not to hug a cat too hard? Yeah, good luck with that! hmm

Gabilan Thu 02-Jun-16 20:35:30

I was thinking of suggesting she maybe took.him for a week on a trial basis and see how they got on

I think that's a good idea. It gives you, the cat and his adopter time to adapt without much pressure. Fingers crossed he enjoys the attention and becomes less distressed. We had a Burmese years ago and I know that that type of cat really loves attention. He might be around for another 5 years or more and it's important to find a solution that works for all of you.

GeoffreysGoat Thu 02-Jun-16 20:49:51

My 9yo cat can easily leap the stair gate and the baby much to the toddler's delight and so choose to be with us or not. Much tougher with twins but my toddler quickly learned he wasn't to touch her if she's on the windowsill in the lounge, and to use his gentle hands. The 8mo also understands kind hands (cat is much keener on ds2 than ds1 for some unknown reason).

Does your car have mobility problems that mean he can't just jump the gate? And would the vet nurse consider fostering him long term so you don't completely lose the connection but he gets the peace he needs?

runningincircles12 Thu 02-Jun-16 20:50:40

I think that because you have found a new home for him, rehoming might be a good option, although he will find it distressing to leave his home. When I first started reading this, I was worried you were going to give him to a shelter because the chance of rehoming would be about zero then. Some people seem to think that if you dump your pet on the RSPCA they will magically find a home. But obviously this does not apply to you. I think you should try it although I am sure you will be gutted to see him go.

RhiWrites Thu 02-Jun-16 20:55:39

There's no need to be so rude or call me stupid. I have an 18 year old cat myself and five nephlings aged between 6 months and 6 so I'm not ignorant about cats or small children.

The OP asked for opinions and I gave mine.

neonrainbow Thu 02-Jun-16 20:58:52

I would rehome the cat to the vet nurse. He will be in excellent hands and you'll know you've done the right thing for him.

EllenJanethickerknickers Thu 02-Jun-16 20:59:12

16 is pretty old for a cat, no wonder he can't jump the stair gates! I'd rehome him with veterinary nurse without guilt. flowers

IamaBluebird Thu 02-Jun-16 21:04:46

I think you're being very thoughtful about what's best for your cat Op. Also Rhi without meaning to be rude having nephews who presumably visit and toddler twins who share a house with the cat are quite different.

whois Thu 02-Jun-16 21:16:28

The stress of moving at that age would be outweighed IMO by the stress he's going through now.

Agree, Since there is a willing adopter I would let her take him. It will be super sad but you'll know you've done the right thing for him.

Damselindestress Thu 02-Jun-16 21:16:34

YANBU. I don't normally advocate rehoming pets but it sounds like the right thing in this situation since you know he will be in good hands and have a better quality of life. We adopted a 16 year old cat once and she adjusted and settled in really well so it is possible.

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