Dp asleep dd bathing younger dd wwyd

(165 Posts)
Jordan1990 Thu 02-Jun-16 12:27:11

Basically me and dp both work, I have dd aged 10 and dd aged 18 months. Instead of being in childcare they are going for a day out with grandparents and extended family for a day out, grandparents live 5 doors up. I leave for work at 7.30. Last night youngest dd woke in the night crying (if she cries longer than a minute or two she's sick) so rush in to settle her but wouldn't settle so brought her into my bed (dp had fallen asleep on sofa) anyway I was to late in calming her and she was sick so have got up stripped all bedding and redone it changed her and gone back to sleep it's about 2 in the morning now.

So up I get in the morning dd youngest needs a bath before going out this morning as she's smelling sicky but was still asleep. Dp wakes from the sofa at about 6 30 and goes up to bed I ask him could him make sure he baths dd before his mum comes at 9 15 to pick the kids. Yeah no problem all good. 7 30 comes and he's dozed off again with dd so I've woke him to tell him I need to go and he could do with getting himself and dd up shortly to get ready. I say bye to dd 10 who's getting dressed ready.

Get to work for 8 and get a call about 20 past from dd 10 saying hi mummy I kept trying to get daddy up but I couldn't wake him up so I've put little dd in the bath she's in there now what do I do. Am I right in thinking that most people would be horrified to think there 10 year old was bathing an 18 month old with no adult supervision? I've told her to wait there and not leave her in the bathroom alone. I didn't tell her to whip her out the bath as babies can be slippery little suckers when wet. Tried calling dp, phone off so called his parents and asked if one of them could run down and help and wake dp while they were at it.

Dp phones me to say his dad has come down and how dare I phone him to come down that me and dd 10 are undermining little shits and because of 'stunts' like these this is why he takes a back seat on being a parent.

Previous 'stunts' involve me leaving him with the kids while I got the dogs hair cut and within 20 minutes of me going he text to say get the fuck home now and sort these kids out. I phoned his dad and asked if he would popping down to give him a hand as I thought the kids were being a handful. As the dog groomer had just started cutting the dog and I can't leave him alone as he gets too stressed I thought would be best solution.

Am I being an undermining shit? Would u of left your 10 year old to carry on with bathing and changing baby? I'm sure I'll be on for a mouthful off him at some point over the next few days not after some long stoney silent treatment

LIZS Thu 02-Jun-16 12:31:10

Why did dd take it upon herself to bathe her sister. Did you tell her not to? Could it not have waited until gp got there? Is there any reason dp was still asleep?

FannyFifer Thu 02-Jun-16 12:31:37

Your poor wee 10 year old trying to wake the lazy fecker then trying to help by giving wee sis a bath.
Your DH should be ashamed of himself.

LongChalk Thu 02-Jun-16 12:35:31

I'd kick his lazy feckin arse out the house if he dared suggest my 10yr old daughter was an 'undermining little shit' angry

FeelingSmurfy Thu 02-Jun-16 12:37:29

I think in that situation it was the right thing to do and the safest, his children's safety should be top priority even if his pride gets dented!

I would have a word with your daughter about not doing it again though, just you and her, maybe go get a milkshake/Ice cream type treat and talk about other stuff but also bring this up. Her heart was in the right place and she was sensible in trying her dad first then calling you, but it could have been dangerous. Just loads of praise and thanks, how grown up etc but a bath is one thing that needs a grown up to do

Discobabe Thu 02-Jun-16 12:37:38

Yanbu. He could have been unconscious for all you knew. He should think himself lucky he didn't end up wasting the time of the 999 service because if one of my kids rang and said they couldn't wake their dad that's who I'd call! I can't believe he'd accuse your 10 year old of undermining him either when she tried to wake him but couldn't!

Myusernameismyusername Thu 02-Jun-16 12:38:00

Your DD sounds lovely and I am sure she was ok, but I would worry too, it's a massive responsibility. My DD1 is a teen and even she doesn't feel quite comfortable bathing our little DN age 1 without me in the room although I am certain she is competent to babies are slippery. Your DP is totally unreasonable and irrational IMO

LongChalk Thu 02-Jun-16 12:38:25

Your poor daughters! He sounds like a nasty, childish, selfish bully.

He's a disgrace. But the question is...Are you also a disgrace by continuing to allow such a man to have access to, and worse responsibility for, your most precious possessions?

Myusernameismyusername Thu 02-Jun-16 12:39:19

It sounds like DD1 was trying to be helpful bless her

MrsJoeyMaynard Thu 02-Jun-16 12:40:18

I'd have rang his parents and asked them to pop round and help too in that situation.

Sounds like the 10 yr old was just trying to help, but that's really not old enough to cope if things were to start going wrong. As you say babies are slippery when wet, even if they're co-operating.

DP should be thoroughly ashamed of himself letting things get out of hand like that, not getting angry with you / DD for undermining him.

AngelicaSchuyler Thu 02-Jun-16 12:40:29

Not sure why the focus is on whether your DD should have bathed her little sister or not - that's not the issue here, bless her.

The issue is the absolute arsehole of a DP. Does he speak to you like that a lot, OP?

Sassypants82 Thu 02-Jun-16 12:40:40

Thats so unfair of your DH. He reacts that way because he's embarrassed I'd imagine, and so he should be. You're absolutely not undermining him, if he would get the finger out & stop being so lazy then there'd be no need to call in your Fil for help to make sure your girls are safe. How could he accuse a 10yo of undermining him anyway? Also, FYI telling you to 'get the fuck home' is an appalling way to speak to the mother of your children.. He sounds like quite the catch... confused

branofthemist Thu 02-Jun-16 12:41:19

He is a shit. No doubt about it and he doesn't like his parents knowing it.

I would, however, have a word with Dd about taking it upon herself to bath the toddler. Not in a 'you are bad for doing this' kind of way. But a safety casual chat kind of way.

It sounds like she is in the middle of her parents. She knows he won't do what you asked, but doesn't want you to be upset and so it taking it upon herself to do things. It's not fair on her.

ToffeeForEveryone Thu 02-Jun-16 12:41:24

Your poor older daughter. She shouldn't have to pick up the slack for your arse of a 'D'P.

He sounds like a terrible father.

LagunaBubbles Thu 02-Jun-16 12:41:49

Sounds like your 10 year old is well aware what your DP is like and knew you wanted her wee sister bathed - when useless Dad preferred to sleep took it on her self, poor wee soul! Why are you with this man - let yourself be treated badly but hes treating your DD badly to.

januaryblues11 Thu 02-Jun-16 12:42:03

What the ... LTB and now, something really awful could have happened to DD2 and DD1 should not have had to deal with that responsibility at 10 years old! He sounds a lazy irresponsible manchild.

Chippednailvarnishing Thu 02-Jun-16 12:42:30

You're just as neglectful as he is by allowing this to carry on. Your poor DCs.

branofthemist Thu 02-Jun-16 12:42:42

Oh you asked wwyd?

I would kick him out. No one calls me or my child a little shit.

MyBreadIsEggy Thu 02-Jun-16 12:43:11

shock
Your 10yo sounds more mature than you partner for fuck sake!
She says she tried to wake him up to sort out the baby and she "couldn't wake him up" - is he on medication or something that would render him unconscious?! Or is he just being a lazy fuck?
Your 10 year old took it upon herself to parent her baby sister because her dad didn't. Bless her heart!
And as for other incidents...your DP couldn't handle being home alone with with his own kids for 20 mins while you took the dog to be groomed?! What's up with that?
Has he always been so inept? Or is this a recent thing?

Noisylion Thu 02-Jun-16 12:43:18

I don't think you can blame the 10 year old at all here. Their dad should have been up and getting them ready for their day out. I can totally imagine my 8 year old trying to do something like that if left unsupervised for long enough. He'd be thinking he was helping.

So ok he fell back to sleep, his fault, and he's a complete arsehole for the name calling.

The fact that he admits to taking a back seat at parenting and it's apparently all your fault speaks volumes.

Noisylion Thu 02-Jun-16 12:43:43

I don't think you can blame the 10 year old at all here. Their dad should have been up and getting them ready for their day out. I can totally imagine my 8 year old trying to do something like that if left unsupervised for long enough. He'd be thinking he was helping.

So ok he fell back to sleep, his fault, and he's a complete arsehole for the name calling.

The fact that he admits to taking a back seat at parenting and it's apparently all your fault speaks volumes.

FATEdestiny Thu 02-Jun-16 12:44:16

It's wouldn't occur to my 10 or 11 year old to bath the toddler in that situation. They just don't think in ways that responsible, since at 10 they are just children.

So there is an element here about why she felt responsible, unprompted by mum or dad, to act in such an inappropriately responsible way. It suggests a mindset difference to carefree 10 year olds who don't have such expectations placed on them.

If thus level of responsibility is normal for your 10 year old then more general changes might be needed to help her learn that she isn't the parent and doesn't need to be this responsible.

If it's a one-off then talking to her about the safety is important, so she doesn't try anything similar again.

None of this absolves your DP who needs to step up to his parenting responsibilities.

Personally I wouldn't have phoned someone else to come and take over. I'd have told DD to shake, scream and jump on Dad as much as needed to wake him and immediately hand him the phone (with me on the other end of the phone listening). Then have a massive go at him over the phone.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Thu 02-Jun-16 12:45:33

Of course you're not an undermining shit, your 'D'P is mortified that his father found him asleep on the couch and so is lashing out. Your DD was only trying to help and was very sensible to phone you.

He is the shit. Lazy shit. Dump him. What is he adding to your life or your children's life?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Thu 02-Jun-16 12:46:47

But FATE the baby was already in the bath when DD phoned OP. OP did the right thing in telling DD to stay with the baby, rather than sending her downstairs to wake the P.

Kittyrobin Thu 02-Jun-16 12:47:18

I can't believe your dh has acted this way. so selfish. I wouldn't trust him to be in charge of them in the future.

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