AIBU that I can't forgive my husband for not telling me he has two kids?!

(338 Posts)
Chele72 Tue 31-May-16 17:53:17

Ok so I got married on 01.08.15. Beautiful wedding day. We had been together for 4 years so I thought I knew him inside and out!
How wrong was I!
6 months into the marriage, I found a letter from the CSA addressed to him with the names and date of births of his 12 year old son and 10 year old daughter that he had kept a secret from me!
His whole family know but none of them including my husband have any contact with them, he just pays the mother £500 directly from his wages every month!
I found this out at the end of February and still can't talk to him!
I've told him I hate him and his family for not telling me!
I asked him whEn we first met if he had kids as I have a 20 year old son, 25 year old daughter and a 1 year old granddaughter so more children would not have been a problem as I am stepmum to 3 children from my children's father!
The fact that he lied and that he has nothing to do with them and doesn't ever want contact has really annoyed me and he is not the same pErson I fell in love with!
I really hate him now and am on the verge of a divorce! I have to wait until we have been married for a year first though!

mummymeister Tue 31-May-16 17:55:26

Why do you have to wait until you have been married for a year? I have friends who started separation after a couple of weeks.

branofthemist Tue 31-May-16 17:56:10

Oh dear.

I wouldn't be to hard on his family though. He is the dick that put him in a bad position. Yes it would have been nice for someone to tell you, but I can see a situation where they thought they should keep out.

Yanbu to divorce him.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Tue 31-May-16 17:56:22

Is never be able to trust him again, if he can keep his own children secret, what else can he hide!?
I wouldn't be with someone who didn't do everything they can to have a relationship with their children and even worse, hid them like a dirty secret or something awful.
I would divorce him.
Sorry you're going through this flowers

Chele72 Tue 31-May-16 17:56:32

Because I have to apply for a dissolution then when we have been married a year I can apply for divorce.
Do you think this is classed as unreasonable behaviour because he a big fat liar?

Princecharlesfirstwife Tue 31-May-16 17:56:41

Blimey shock. Yanbu.

Chele72 Tue 31-May-16 17:57:46

That's exactly how I feel doesanyonereadthis!
I can't trust him and he has disowned his children! The most precious gift ever!!

icy121 Tue 31-May-16 17:58:09

Friend of mine didn't realise he had 2 sisters until he was 18. Although I think the wife knew. Anyway that guy did it twice because in his mid 20s the guy then discovered he had an even older secret brother!

Takes all sorts. I would let it all simmer down and then see what you want to do. He is the same man you married - he was a liar then and he's still a liar now. Were you happy? Could you be happy again? Take your time and don't do anything rash.

Chele72 Tue 31-May-16 17:58:56

I didn't think I was being unreasonable. I just wanted an opinion from people I don't know. Everyone I have spoken to says the same...divorce the scumbag!!!

Buggers Tue 31-May-16 17:59:17

YANBU I couldn't be with someone that has children but chooses to have nothing to do with them - let alone someone that pretends they don't exsist! So sorry you had to waste nearly 5yrs with him before finding out.

Chele72 Tue 31-May-16 17:59:26

I feel like a failure! I get married for the first time at 43 and it's dead after 6 months!

blueskyinmarch Tue 31-May-16 17:59:32

Has he said why he didn’t tell you?

acasualobserver Tue 31-May-16 17:59:48

That was very wrong of him. I don't think your marriage can come back from that.

AnotherEmma Tue 31-May-16 18:00:14

YANBU
Why not separate now and then get a divorce after a year?
Do you own or rent your home? Is it his name, your name or both?

Chele72 Tue 31-May-16 18:00:26

I never thought of it like that... He was a liar and still is!

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Tue 31-May-16 18:00:33

He's not the same man she married in her eyes though because he wasn't upfront that he was a scumbag liar who would hide his own children's existence to get a shag married!

AnotherEmma Tue 31-May-16 18:00:58

You're not a failure. He's the one who fucked it up by keeping such a huge secret.

Chele72 Tue 31-May-16 18:01:04

Anotheremma, it's my house. I didn't even change my surname! I must have known!!

WellErrr Tue 31-May-16 18:01:38

Wow, what a prize prick.

Sorry OP flowers

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Tue 31-May-16 18:01:42

You're NOT a failure, he is. To you, to his family (for making them deny his children) and to his children. And yes, I'd definitely say you could cite unreasonable behaviour as the reason for divorce.

HermioneJeanGranger Tue 31-May-16 18:01:43

I recently went through similar. We weren't married (thank God) but he had children I knew about and had met, and then it cme out that he had two others! I knew they existed, but he said they were his ex's from a previous relationship and they lost touch on divorce. They don't have his surname so it was a believable story and I had no reason to think he would lie about his own children!

I left him, but it's not been easy. The lies are the hardest thing to get over.

AnotherEmma Tue 31-May-16 18:02:22

Kick him out but if he refuses you will need legal advice. Legally as your husband he has a right to stay (obviously don't tell him that wink)

Chele72 Tue 31-May-16 18:02:33

He said he didn't tell me because they are not part of his life and that he didn't want to lose me knowing that I raised my kids practically singlehanded!
Idiot lost me for lying and disowning his children!

Chele72 Tue 31-May-16 18:02:50

He wouldn't refuse, he's a wimp!

TheUnsullied Tue 31-May-16 18:03:28

Christ almighty! shock has he at least tried to explain why he's lied to you for years?

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