My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

AIBU to think other half has done this to piss me off??

102 replies

ErNope · 31/05/2016 10:59

I don't know if i'm stressing over nothing, as money is v tight at the moment.
a family member gave me a scratch card in a birthday card expects raised eyebrows its a running joke in the family, before anyone asks :D
I won what I thought was £15, So I asked OH if there is anything he needed/wanted (As we do when we get any small amounts of money) or if he wanted a cheap takeaway as a treat or something. OH says no.
I then say ok, X y and z clothing items are wrecked so I'll be sourcing replacements on Ebay. So I went out, cashed the scratch card and was given 20, I queried this and was told I'd read the symbols wrong Grin Blush not a gambler, as you've probably guessed! Never won anything on the odd occasions i've tried my luck either...
Since it was an extra 5, I didn't think to query again if he wanted anything, so went home, ordered 3 items (Boots, as mine are wrecked, leggings and a top coming to £13, if relevant) While I was checking out and choosing delivery options I told OH about the extra 5, after I'd checked out, he then messaged me saying ''Oh great can we get takeaway with the 20?'' I now feel horribly guilty as I have spent it, and considering cancelling my order, but AIBU to think he's done this on purpose? For info, I grew up in a household that didn't have much, very unhappy household for other reasons also and we were regularly guilt tripped out of not buying things for ourselves (ie with pocket money, or gift cards from family and friends on birthdays etc) so I've always found it hard to buy things for myself if someone else wants/needs something. I've gotten better but this situation just makes me feel sick (Which I know and agree is MY problem) and I feel really upset/guilty and like an awful person for this now as he wants something and I've already spent the money whereas if he'd told me when I'd asked, 1hr prior, I wouldn't have spent a penny. yes I know its a first world problem too

OP posts:
Report
ErNope · 31/05/2016 11:00

I still have some money left (about 6.80) so cannot afford a takeaway with that but could probably get him a cheap 2nd hand video game or similar, or an item of clothing but still feel really bad and wondering if he's done this knowing my history (He does, very much in detail too) KNOWING how guilty I can feel about money. I think he's done it to stress me out/piss me off.

OP posts:
Report
FetchezLaVache · 31/05/2016 11:01

But you'd already offered the takeaway, and he'd said no! Your birthday present, it was kind of you to offer to share it with him, not your fault he changed his mind too late.

Report
CruCru · 31/05/2016 11:01

Dude, you're overthinking this. You've spent the money on stuff you needed. This is okay.

Report
FetchezLaVache · 31/05/2016 11:02

FWIW it doesn't sound like he did it to piss you off- he probably just thought "£15- not really enough for a takeaway", followed by "£20- just about enough for a takeaway!" But he was still too late in changing his mind.

Report
DoreenLethal · 31/05/2016 11:03

No - goodness sake if he wants a takeaway then why isn't he paying for it?

Report
SolomanDaisy · 31/05/2016 11:04

Don't worry about it. He'd said no to the takeaway and it's money from your birthday. You can always have a bag if chips with the change!

Report
ErNope · 31/05/2016 11:04

For further info, he knows we can get a takeaway for 15 and under even 8.50 at a push, desperate times I know I'm reallyyyy anxious about spending money on myself, I accept that (and trying sooooo hard to change it!) and our belt tightening will be over soon (Praise a god that I don't believe in yay) but I'm fucked off that he's done this knowing how awful that it makes me feel.
Its not the guilt i'm pissed off about its the fact he's done it knowing it will make me feel guilty, if that makes sense? But if I am being U I'll accept it :D

OP posts:
Report
Gizlotsmum · 31/05/2016 11:04

Your present your money. Treat yourself. You had offered him the option. I honestly don't think there is any malice, did he know you had ordered anything?

Report
AdrenalineFudge · 31/05/2016 11:04

I don't see a problem here tbh and I can't see why it's pissed you off unless this is part of behaviour that is unacceptable in a wider context. You asked, he said nope and then queried again after your update. I also don't get why you'd feel horribly guilty. If this is it then I'd say you're having an OTT reaction.

Report
TheCrumpettyTree · 31/05/2016 11:04

It was your birthday win to spend on yourself stop feeling guilty! You have no need. Enjoy spending money on yourself for a change. Don't you dare cancel your order!

Report
Haudyerwheesht · 31/05/2016 11:05

But he didn't know you'd spent it did he? Do how can he be doing it to piss you off?

Why not buy some nice treats with the remaining money and have a movie night at home?

Report
ErNope · 31/05/2016 11:05

Joint finances doreen and zilch money available to spend I'm afraid, thats why I offered!

OP posts:
Report
VimFuego101 · 31/05/2016 11:06

If it was my birthday present, I would have spent it on me and not shared. You didn't do anything wrong, and if your partner thinks otherwise, he's being an arse.

Report
Catmuffin · 31/05/2016 11:07

It's your birthday present to spend on what you want. You didn't need to offer the takeaway but you did and he said no. It sounds like the clothes were much needed but you had the right to spend your birthday present on fripperies if you'd wanted.

Report
Catmuffin · 31/05/2016 11:08

Also the clothes will last longer than a takeaway

Report
MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 31/05/2016 11:08

It was your money.

You had asked earlier and he said no.

And spend that £6.80 on you, I get the guilt about spending on yourself but you should spend your birthday cash on you.

Report
ErNope · 31/05/2016 11:09

Yes he knew I was in process of ordering, Possibly knew I had checked out as I use his Ebay account and confirmation emails are pretty instant (He has emails direct to his phone) for clarification, I'm not asking if I'm being U to feel horribly guilty (I KNOW I am, I know! trust me, I know and i'm trying v hard to change this) I'm asking if I'm being U to expect him to actually make his mind up and tell me BEFORE I spend any money, rather than making me feel guilty (however unreasonably so!) because he KNOWS that will be my reaction, based on past experiences yes he's done this before rather than someone a bit more normal that would just say oh sorry we'll have to wait until x now as I've already spent it

OP posts:
Report
Catmuffin · 31/05/2016 11:10

And the clothes will last longer than a takeaway

Report
Catmuffin · 31/05/2016 11:10

Sorry for repetition. Thought it hadn't posted the first time

Report
MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 31/05/2016 11:11

Could it have been a poorly judged joke in light of him seeing the emails and knowing your tendencies to guilt?

If so, then yes he is twit.

Report
ijustwannadance · 31/05/2016 11:11

The scratchcard was for YOU, for YOUR BIRTHDAY.
Your past issues are making you feel you shouldn't/don't deserve to treat youself.

Tell him you have spent it. If he kicks off or sulks then he is being a dick.

Do not buy him a video game or anything else. You would only be doing this out of misplaced guilt.

Report
Catmuffin · 31/05/2016 11:12

If he said he wanted the takeaway after seeing your ebay purchase then yes he is being meanspirited

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Whathaveilost · 31/05/2016 11:16

Seriously I would just say 'Snooze and you lose, too late matey, all gone!!
and then not give it another thought.

Report
TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 31/05/2016 11:17

This might be asking the obvious, but have you spoken to him about why he said it? And explained how he's made you feel?

Second guessing may not be the best thing to do here.

Report
Timeforabiscuit · 31/05/2016 11:21

This is your money from your birthday present! It's nice to offer to share but there is a parallel mumsnet thread about stopping being a people pleaser which sounds like it might be useful.

It is not selfish to do as you have done, so ditch the guilt and stop overthinking :)

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.