AIBU to think other half has done this to piss me off??

(103 Posts)
ErNope Tue 31-May-16 10:59:02

I don't know if i'm stressing over nothing, as money is v tight at the moment.
a family member gave me a scratch card in a birthday card expects raised eyebrows its a running joke in the family, before anyone asks :D
I won what I thought was £15, So I asked OH if there is anything he needed/wanted (As we do when we get any small amounts of money) or if he wanted a cheap takeaway as a treat or something. OH says no.
I then say ok, X y and z clothing items are wrecked so I'll be sourcing replacements on Ebay. So I went out, cashed the scratch card and was given 20, I queried this and was told I'd read the symbols wrong grin blush not a gambler, as you've probably guessed! Never won anything on the odd occasions i've tried my luck either...
Since it was an extra 5, I didn't think to query again if he wanted anything, so went home, ordered 3 items (Boots, as mine are wrecked, leggings and a top coming to £13, if relevant) While I was checking out and choosing delivery options I told OH about the extra 5, after I'd checked out, he then messaged me saying ''Oh great can we get takeaway with the 20?'' I now feel horribly guilty as I have spent it, and considering cancelling my order, but AIBU to think he's done this on purpose? For info, I grew up in a household that didn't have much, very unhappy household for other reasons also and we were regularly guilt tripped out of not buying things for ourselves (ie with pocket money, or gift cards from family and friends on birthdays etc) so I've always found it hard to buy things for myself if someone else wants/needs something. I've gotten better but this situation just makes me feel sick (Which I know and agree is MY problem) and I feel really upset/guilty and like an awful person for this now as he wants something and I've already spent the money whereas if he'd told me when I'd asked, 1hr prior, I wouldn't have spent a penny. yes I know its a first world problem too

ErNope Tue 31-May-16 11:00:39

I still have some money left (about 6.80) so cannot afford a takeaway with that but could probably get him a cheap 2nd hand video game or similar, or an item of clothing but still feel really bad and wondering if he's done this knowing my history (He does, very much in detail too) KNOWING how guilty I can feel about money. I think he's done it to stress me out/piss me off.

FetchezLaVache Tue 31-May-16 11:01:04

But you'd already offered the takeaway, and he'd said no! Your birthday present, it was kind of you to offer to share it with him, not your fault he changed his mind too late.

CruCru Tue 31-May-16 11:01:10

Dude, you're overthinking this. You've spent the money on stuff you needed. This is okay.

FetchezLaVache Tue 31-May-16 11:02:11

FWIW it doesn't sound like he did it to piss you off- he probably just thought "£15- not really enough for a takeaway", followed by "£20- just about enough for a takeaway!" But he was still too late in changing his mind.

DoreenLethal Tue 31-May-16 11:03:42

No - goodness sake if he wants a takeaway then why isn't he paying for it?

SolomanDaisy Tue 31-May-16 11:04:16

Don't worry about it. He'd said no to the takeaway and it's money from your birthday. You can always have a bag if chips with the change!

ErNope Tue 31-May-16 11:04:26

For further info, he knows we can get a takeaway for 15 and under even 8.50 at a push, desperate times I know I'm reallyyyy anxious about spending money on myself, I accept that (and trying sooooo hard to change it!) and our belt tightening will be over soon (Praise a god that I don't believe in yay) but I'm fucked off that he's done this knowing how awful that it makes me feel.
Its not the guilt i'm pissed off about its the fact he's done it knowing it will make me feel guilty, if that makes sense? But if I am being U I'll accept it :D

Gizlotsmum Tue 31-May-16 11:04:46

Your present your money. Treat yourself. You had offered him the option. I honestly don't think there is any malice, did he know you had ordered anything?

AdrenalineFudge Tue 31-May-16 11:04:50

I don't see a problem here tbh and I can't see why it's pissed you off unless this is part of behaviour that is unacceptable in a wider context. You asked, he said nope and then queried again after your update. I also don't get why you'd feel horribly guilty. If this is it then I'd say you're having an OTT reaction.

TheCrumpettyTree Tue 31-May-16 11:04:52

It was your birthday win to spend on yourself stop feeling guilty! You have no need. Enjoy spending money on yourself for a change. Don't you dare cancel your order!

Haudyerwheesht Tue 31-May-16 11:05:09

But he didn't know you'd spent it did he? Do how can he be doing it to piss you off?

Why not buy some nice treats with the remaining money and have a movie night at home?

ErNope Tue 31-May-16 11:05:10

Joint finances doreen and zilch money available to spend I'm afraid, thats why I offered!

VimFuego101 Tue 31-May-16 11:06:27

If it was my birthday present, I would have spent it on me and not shared. You didn't do anything wrong, and if your partner thinks otherwise, he's being an arse.

Catmuffin Tue 31-May-16 11:07:18

It's your birthday present to spend on what you want. You didn't need to offer the takeaway but you did and he said no. It sounds like the clothes were much needed but you had the right to spend your birthday present on fripperies if you'd wanted.

Catmuffin Tue 31-May-16 11:08:53

Also the clothes will last longer than a takeaway

MothertotheLordsofmisrule Tue 31-May-16 11:08:58

It was your money.

You had asked earlier and he said no.

And spend that £6.80 on you, I get the guilt about spending on yourself but you should spend your birthday cash on you.

ErNope Tue 31-May-16 11:09:12

Yes he knew I was in process of ordering, Possibly knew I had checked out as I use his Ebay account and confirmation emails are pretty instant (He has emails direct to his phone) for clarification, I'm not asking if I'm being U to feel horribly guilty (I KNOW I am, I know! trust me, I know and i'm trying v hard to change this) I'm asking if I'm being U to expect him to actually make his mind up and tell me BEFORE I spend any money, rather than making me feel guilty (however unreasonably so!) because he KNOWS that will be my reaction, based on past experiences yes he's done this before rather than someone a bit more normal that would just say oh sorry we'll have to wait until x now as I've already spent it

Catmuffin Tue 31-May-16 11:10:03

And the clothes will last longer than a takeaway

Catmuffin Tue 31-May-16 11:10:37

Sorry for repetition. Thought it hadn't posted the first time

MothertotheLordsofmisrule Tue 31-May-16 11:11:42

Could it have been a poorly judged joke in light of him seeing the emails and knowing your tendencies to guilt?

If so, then yes he is twit.

ijustwannadance Tue 31-May-16 11:11:58

The scratchcard was for YOU, for YOUR BIRTHDAY.
Your past issues are making you feel you shouldn't/don't deserve to treat youself.

Tell him you have spent it. If he kicks off or sulks then he is being a dick.

Do not buy him a video game or anything else. You would only be doing this out of misplaced guilt.

Catmuffin Tue 31-May-16 11:12:21

If he said he wanted the takeaway after seeing your ebay purchase then yes he is being meanspirited

Whathaveilost Tue 31-May-16 11:16:41

Seriously I would just say 'Snooze and you lose, too late matey, all gone!!
and then not give it another thought.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt Tue 31-May-16 11:17:34

This might be asking the obvious, but have you spoken to him about why he said it? And explained how he's made you feel?

Second guessing may not be the best thing to do here.

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