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AIBU?

To ask her not to kiss kids on lips?

30 replies

time2shine · 30/05/2016 12:25

My sister in law is staying at our house at the moment and the kids love her to bits. However, my 6 year old suffers from cold sores and I have always been upset because she has cold sores and kisses the kids on their lips. I have not witnessed this much but on the odd occasion. This morning my 4 year old came up to me and went to kiss me on my lips because his aunt just did. So now I'm feeling cross again incase he gets it too. It's too late for my eldest son but what about the other two younger ones, including my 2 year old who doesn't know better.

I don't feel right bringing it up out of the blue and she always seems to do it when I'm not there. I feel I need to say something but will probably offend her. AIBU to ask her not to kiss my kids on the lips?

OP posts:

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VestalVirgin · 30/05/2016 12:30

Nah, not at all. In my family, kissing isn't a thing, so it seems weird to me anyway - kissing children on the cheek, perhaps, but on the lips? Just ... weird.

You have a good reason - preventing the spreading of her infection - so YANBU.

Not sure what cold sores are, but if it is what I think it is, then she should just treat it and only kiss the kids when there's no acute wound there, that would be a reasonable compromise, I guess.

TurquoiseMoon · 30/05/2016 12:38

I am not funny about kissing, like the PP. However, there seems to be a good reason. Are you not particularly close? I'd be able to just tell my SIL...

Itsaplayonwords · 30/05/2016 12:43

I don't think you're being unreasonable, there's a good reason why you should ask her not to, I find it strange that she wouldn't see that herself.

My husband and I kiss our daughter on the lips (more that she slobbers in the general vicinity) but I would find it a bit overfamiliar if anyone else did. Equally I had a cold sore last week so I was more careful about that.

time2shine · 30/05/2016 12:47

Apparently you can pass on the cold sore even if you don't have an active one. We're relatively close and I do worry she will be hurt as she really adores the children. I have no aversion to the 'kissing on lips' - it's simply because of the cold sore element. Having said that, I won't kiss my son on the lips anymore because he has cold sores and I don't see the point of getting them just for the sake of kissing him there. Plenty of other places.

OP posts:

SpringerS · 30/05/2016 12:47

We're all fine with kissing on the lips in my family but if someone with a cold sore kissed DS on the lips I would feel like killing them.

Nairsmellsbad · 30/05/2016 12:47

I don't like kissing children on the lips anyway, I wouldn't do it myself (I do get cold sores and you can't tell if you are shedding the virus). I have no problem telling others not to do it and have never found that anybody was offended. I also explain to anybody with an obvious cold sore who is around my kids just how infectious they are as a lot of people don't realise. I may occasionally sound a little obsessive but I'd rather do that than allow my DC to be infected for life.

RonaldMcDonald · 30/05/2016 12:51

Lots of people have cold sores so it may not be your SiL that gave your son the cold sores
Maybe ask her not to kiss the kids when her virus is active

paxillin · 30/05/2016 13:14

If your DD suffers from cold sore, she has the virus anyway. It can break out over and over because she already has it. Up to 95% of the population have it, most babies acquire it early on from mum. Not everyone gets the sores. It is no reason to stop kissing now.

Nairsmellsbad · 30/05/2016 13:44

Sorry Paxillin but that's bollocks. Just because the six year old has the virus why not at least try to prevent the other two from catching it? I'm not convinced about your 95% estimate either (although 'up to' could include 0)

time2shine · 30/05/2016 13:47

I don't know the statistics but 95% of people do not get cold sores. Perhaps the virus??..

I know it's too late for ds. He keeps getting cold sores and it bothers me every time that I didn't protect him. But now it's my little one and the other younger children I am not wishing to be kissed on the lips and exposed to possibly getting cold sores. My son knows how important it is that he doesn't kiss his siblings on the lips. I haven't gone over board about it and only mentioned it once but he is really sensible and won't even share a cup with his brothers when he has a cold sore.

OP posts:

mamapants · 30/05/2016 13:57

I think its a bit over the top to stop your child kissing his siblings or feeling guilty every time he had one. Its hardly an issue is it, you get a bit itchy put some cream on it and then its gone. The only reason I'd feel sorry for your child having one is because of your reaction to it.

paxillin · 30/05/2016 13:58

True, as I said not everybody has the sores. Many get the virus during birth or as a baby, often from mum. Really no reason to stop SIL kissing. If your kids are uncomfy, they can tell her not to.

paxillin · 30/05/2016 14:03

And yes, some communities have "only" 60% HSV-1 infected people.

RaspberryOverload · 30/05/2016 14:13

DS has cold sores, and no idea where he's got them. He's 12 and great with managing them, careful about kisses, etc. So far he's the only one in the family to have them, including GPs. I did have an aunt with them, but can't remember if she had much to do with DS before she passed.

time2shine · 30/05/2016 14:17

Of course ds can kiss his siblings. They're all really affectionate. But he knows he shouldn't kiss them on the lips which is fine as we don't tend to anyway. And sadly his cold sores are a pain. They last for at least a month and hurt him a lot. Unlucky perhaps but it's sadly not a case of just putting on some cream and off they go. If only. The last one was so cracked and painful I took him to the doctors after he'd had it well over a month.

OP posts:

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/05/2016 14:19

do many people get the virus during birth?

I always thought neonatal herpies was very rare. Can be fatal but rare.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/05/2016 14:24

time2

I get long lasting very painful ones as well, I'm currently running at 1 every 6 weeks and they last at least 3 weeks, I get them on my nose my mouth and chin it's deeply unplesant. They are painful and I get ill when I have them.

I do everything I can to prevent my children getting them and so far only one has.

Theoretician · 30/05/2016 14:33

I read something recently that I'd never encountered before: apparently the bacteria that cause tooth decay are contagious. This apparently partly explains why good/bad teeth run in families. Whether you are prone to tooth decay depends not just on what you eat and how you take care of your teeth, but on who has passed on their bacteria to you, for example by kissing you on the mouth.

(I only read this in one place and haven't googled to verify it, so it may be bollocks. Do you your own research.)

HostaFireandIce · 30/05/2016 14:42

Its hardly an issue is it, you get a bit itchy put some cream on it and then its gone.

This was surely written by someone who's never had a cold sore!

Nairsmellsbad · 30/05/2016 14:43

Needsasockamnesty have you spoken to your doctor about oral acyclovir? I keep a packet of it, start taking it as soon as I get a tingle and it makes a huge difference. There may be contra-indications or reasons why it's not suitable for everybody but for me it's well worth it.

blankmind · 30/05/2016 14:44

Hopefully none of your family or anyone else your SIL kisses on the lips has eczema.
"It's also possible for eczema to become infected with the herpes simplex virus, which normally causes cold sores. This can develop into a serious condition called eczema herpeticum. "
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Eczema-%28atopic%29/Pages/Complications.aspx

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/05/2016 14:49

I use the tablets already nair I'm just waiting for an appropreate time to have some immunity investigations done

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Nairsmellsbad · 30/05/2016 17:20

3 weeks? Ouch I'd give or but since both are sometimes supposed to trigger them . Hope your doctor can help you sort it out

OptimisticSix · 30/05/2016 17:26

Cold sores are horrible, I get them and they make me feel generally unwell, tired, headache and awful. I have also had them so bad my whole mouth has swollen to the point of not being able to eat. Definitely ask SIL not to kiss DC on mouth. I'm sure there is a nice way to ask. I do kiss my DC on the mouth and none have cold sores but I don't do it when I have an outbreak or even suspect one and I don't kiss anyone else (except DH) on the mouth.

Sucksfake1 · 30/05/2016 17:32

I don't kiss my nieces etc on the lips although I do my own girls. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her too stop. Never had one but my friend suffers and gets very run down with them better to be safe then sorry.

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