In thinking my DM is a narcissist?

(5 Posts)
cheekymonk Sat 28-May-16 21:32:58

Hi all. DM and I had an almost 2 hour telephone call today. It's been a tough week in that my DS has been away on school trip all week, DD has just been allocated a place at another school due to speech difficulties and not coping in her current school. Mum decides today is a good time to talk at length about how parenting has changed, she had a very disciplined childhood whist I am quite laid a k and have to let a lot go die to both kids having Autism. 'How would your Nan have coped with 2 non conforming autistic children' she asks confused she then talks about my sister who has had PTSD and although 34 needs my Mum for everything. She talks about how she had more trauma and heartache than anyone else on her circle of friends (she has had a lot,the worst being marriage break up and finding out my Dad was having random hook ups with other men and then that he subsequently contracted HIV) BUT this has all been several years ago now. She is very proud and always looks amazing, house immaculate etc but now lives alone and does keep it all together. I do give her praise but feel that she wants me to adore her which I don't if honest. The more she asks me to adore her the more it pushes me away if I'm honest. I struggle with her values of pride and appearance above all. Even writing this I now feel like I'm being hard on her. I had counselling recently and counsellor said she has a huge hold on me.
Here is text reply to me asking if we were OK after phone call.
Of course we're ok love. And yes i'm okay thanku. No need to worry at all my lovely. It is important to me that you acknowledge that i have overcome so many challenges within my family, some difficulties beyond my control, Plse stop worrying cheekymonkwe are solid and ok and altho' u may be DH's wife, you are still my girl. Looking 4ward to being with u all next w.end, do enjoy the bank holiday 2gether. X:-D I love you Cheekymonk X:-DxxX

toomuchtooold Sun 29-May-16 07:12:14

It's hard for us to tell from a snapshot. Behaviour like being really concerned with appearances, always having to be the centre of attention - those are typical of narcissists but only you can really form an opinion of it and more importantly decide whether it's an acceptable way to treat you.
There's a couple of threads on Relationships dealing with dysfunctional family relationships -
[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2647886-You-cannot-communicate-with-batshit discusing low or no contact]] and the Stately Homes thread which is a long running thread for people from dysfunctional families.

cheekymonk Sun 29-May-16 14:29:18

Fair enough toomuchtooold thanks for your reply smile

toomuchtooold Sun 29-May-16 16:49:56

It's a difficult one! Do have a look at Stately Homes and the links on its OP - you might find you recognise your mum.

Janecc Sun 29-May-16 18:01:16

Your mother definitely has traits like the adulation issue. However, she's warm, she's caring if her texts reflect her personality. So she doesn't sound a hard nosed big time narcissist with NPD. I think my mother would have Alzheimer's if I had a text like yours. She's spectacularly awful to me!! Your mother sounds as though she's struggling to get past a lot of her personal issues and is using you as her counsellor hmm. She's definitely got a lot of hang ups and a bit of a martyr complex that is seen as a narcissistic trait. A bit of narcissism is healthy in us all and I would say she's perhaps got a bit too much going on there. She sounds maybe a bit like my now deceased mil, who rabbitted non stop - she only closed her mouth to sleep - literally used to hold a napkin over her mouth when eating to talk. I sometimes wonder if she had aspergers. If you do some googling there's a wealth of info online including w checklist of the character traits of narcissists so you can decide for yourself. Difficult to say from this snap shot.

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