Dss hit my dd!

(113 Posts)
TerriHatchet Sat 28-May-16 14:49:05

Vv shocked and upset. Dss 7 was playing in the living room with dd 11 months sleeping on her play mat, dss suddenly walked over and slapped her hard on the arm, for no reason. She started crying and he did it again. He didn't know I was in the room standing at the door. I lost it and shouted at him and told Dh I wanted him to take him out for a few hours before I said something bad to him. Really don't wasnt dss in the house tonight.

DoesMyMarthaCliffLookBigInThis Sat 28-May-16 14:50:53

Not acceptable behaviour. Your poor dd. Has dss shown any aggression or jealousy towards her before? How did your dh react?

Pagwatch Sat 28-May-16 14:51:20

It's a terrible thing for him to do but he's 7.

You don't kick a 7 year out for bad behaviour. A 7 year old doesn't really get empathy and consequences.
I'm not minimising - he shouldn't have done it.
But suggesting he gets kicked out of his home is over the top by about a mile.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 28-May-16 14:52:49

I think it is unfair to ask that he is removed from the home for the whole evening!

What he done was wrong but siblings do fight and can be quite cruel/nasty to each other.

He is only seven so needs a serious talking to perhaps by both his mother and father.

curren Sat 28-May-16 14:53:15

That's awful. Totally unacceptable. But you can not kick your dss out. Would you if he was your own child?

I know you are upset, but you need to take a few deep breaths, take some time to calm down and then sort this out along with your dh.

Griphook Sat 28-May-16 14:55:05

im normally stick up for step parents, but in your case, your actions are a complete over reaction. You and dh need to talk to him. Rather than making him leave, you wouldn't do that to your own child and he's 7

Eva50 Sat 28-May-16 14:55:09

He's 7. That's still quite little. Obviously it's not acceptable to hit his little sister but they do things like this. You and DP need to sit down calmly and talk to him about it. I think your reaction is quite extreme.

happypoobum Sat 28-May-16 14:55:37

I disagree with PP. 11 months is a baby. How is OP supposed to live if she cannot leave DSS in the same room as DD?

TerriHatchet Sat 28-May-16 14:55:52

He loves his sister so much he is always cuddling her and loves feeding her. He was very hyper all day and I think he has probably forgotten how little she is. Dh shouted at him and told him how babies can be very hurt by even little hits and slaps and has taken him out for a bit of time and to chat. I felt so much rage at the time I nearly grabbed dss I was so angry. But I didn't thank god

Griphook Sat 28-May-16 14:55:56

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lndnmummy Sat 28-May-16 14:56:48

Come on OP, he is 7!! Clearly he might have alot of conflicting feelings about his new sister. I feel sorry for step children sometimes. Cant be easy when dad leaves and then starts a new family. Have a heart. You are the adult here.

sue51 Sat 28-May-16 14:56:53

I understand you want to protect your baby but you don't eject a 7 year old from his home. A bit of empathy and understanding towards you DSS is needed.

Griphook Sat 28-May-16 14:57:18

If you had grabbed him, what would your punishment be? Would you make yourself leave the house for the night?

TerriHatchet Sat 28-May-16 14:58:24

Griphook go project somewhere else. Everyone else good sensible fair advice- thank you!

WhatamessIgotinto Sat 28-May-16 14:59:08

That's a shit thing to say grip. On what are you basing your judgment?

TerriHatchet Sat 28-May-16 15:00:07

They will be home later but I couldn't look to him right now he properly slapped her arm. She was very upset she got such a fright and I won't have my baby hit in the
Place she should be safe, not by anyone. If I feel anyone is a danger to her then yes they will leave, myself included. And I have walked
Out for some calm time in the past when my pnd had made me feel on edge of down etc, obviously when Dh is there to look after her.

Pagwatch Sat 28-May-16 15:00:54

Oh that's ridiculous happypoobum
It's a 7 year old boy. He did something really stupid probably not understanding the consequence properly. He's not Jeffrey Dahmer

He was caught. He should be punished and the 'how would you feel if a big boy came and slapped you really hard. It would be awful, right? So how can you think doing that was ok?' conversation should be had.

But he's 7. Don't be daft.

Arfarfanarf Sat 28-May-16 15:03:28

sounds like he might be jealous.

It's not ok for him to hit her and obviously his dad needs to have some stern words with him but they are both his children and they are equal and you have to deal with it fairly and lovingly to both. Siblings can behave very badly towards one another at times and it can require good management. Whatever would have happened if they were both your children is what should happen. I don't think you would have sent the 7 yr old to stay with granny or something, so he shouldn't be removed.

I promise you that booting him out of the house will not make the sibling relationship better. It will result in more resentment.

WorraLiberty Sat 28-May-16 15:06:14

Horrible thing to have happened.

But you've both told him off and his Dad has taken him out for a chat.

When he returns and apologises, that should be the end of it.

Obviously just keep a very close eye for a while.

happypoobum Sat 28-May-16 15:06:52

I am a teacher so I do have experience of 7 year olds behaviour smile

If OP had said this happened when DD took his toys, during an argument, playfight gone wrong, it would feel different. It's the picture of DSS doing this - hitting a baby - when he thinks nobody is looking, and with absolutely no provocation that feels wrong to me. If I were OP I would be thinking back to whether this could have happened before, whether DD had any unexplained bruises etc.

Unless DSS has SN it is inconceivable he doesn't know at 7 years old that repeatedly striking a sleeping baby isn't acceptable. I wonder what would have happened if OP hadn't stopped him when she did.

I hope it all works out for you OP.

IoraRua Sat 28-May-16 15:07:10

Ah OP, he's seven and you're overreacting. It's completely natural that you are, of course. You're protective. But he's a kid who doesn't really understand these things, and kicking him out of the house is only going to make him more resentful.

WorraLiberty Sat 28-May-16 15:08:07

And I agree with Arf

If you were mother to both children, you couldn't deal with it by booting one of them out for the night.

I understand the shock and anger you must've felt though.

TerriHatchet Sat 28-May-16 15:08:29

He won't be kicked out anywhere he lives with us full time. I am going to have a chat with him tonight or tomorrow when I have calmed down a bit and explain how his sister looks up to him to show her how to behave and how me and his dad both love him even when he does naughty things etc, Does that sound like a good way to put it?

Pagwatch Sat 28-May-16 15:12:08

I have to continue to disagree. Happypoobum

Telling me that you have experience of 7 year olds doesn't make me regard you as an expert. You could be absoloutely shit at your job. You could be a trucker called Brian. It's an anonymous website.

7 year olds do stupid stuff to see what will happen.

I think the op was understandable shocked but sensibly is not chosing to demonise a small boy for doing something horrid.

LBOCS2 Sat 28-May-16 15:12:29

Sorry, I think I agree with Happy. A completely unprovoked slap is a bit different to something when they've been wound up. My DSS gave his sister (DD1) a bit of a nudge with his foot when she was being super annoying and he didn't think anyone was watching. I can understand that, but not being able to leave them alone because he might actually cause some damage would worry me and bear investigation.

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