Oh God, am I the grumpy, whiny old neighbourhood complainer of my community?

[Rainbunny]

It's Friday night and I just climbed up an indoor roof access ladder to the roof of the apartment building we live in. It's ten floors. We live on the top floor, which is lovely most of the time. There is an "off limits to residents" roof access ladder to the roof of the building - the roof is off limits as well of course. The problem is that for those of us who live on the tenth floor, it sounds like the sky is falling down when someone walks across the roof - it's not a thick barrier or soundproof like floors between apartments, obviously.

So tonight as we are watching tv (very boring on the Friday of a holiday weekend I know) and suddenly there is a crashing and thumping across the ceiling. Our dog starts freaking out as he isn't used to loud, scary noises coming from above. I put my running shoes on, still in my pjs and wander out to the stairwell to see the roof door is open, so I climb up and sure enough there's a young couple larking around together. I say that I don't care that they're up on the roof but there is little soundproofing and my dog is freaking out so could they try not to stomp around too much? They are very nice and apologetic and I come back home, problem sorted right? Apparently, after explaining to my dh what happened, I am the mean, busybody complainer and this "trait" of mine is getting worse (there are two more instances of me being a complaining about a community issue to be fair). I just turned 40, surely I'm too young to be the mean old neighbourhood busybody? Or am I and I should just accept it?... embrace it?...!

[Rainbunny]

Oh, and so as not to drip feed - the other two issues I took action on was firstly a neighbour who smoked weed out of his window every evening, the smoke of which came straight into our windows. We don't have air conditioning so keeping windows closed was not an option over the summer. My dh really hated it as much as I did and endlessly complained about it, only I actually took care of getting it stopped - so my dh got the benefit of the now clean air while still calling me the neighbourhood killjoy. The second issue was an illegally parked "porta-loo" which a nearby construction company liked to leave, parked on a trailer in front of our apartment building for weeks at a time. It was really unpleasant to see first thing as we walked outside everyday so I made a call and that was fixed too. I suppose there's a little part of me that's resentful that I take what I think is the appropriate action on an unreasonable situation, but get labeled as a grumpy old woman by my dh, grrr! I'm beginning to appreciate that it's "grumpy" women like me that keep civilised society ticking along!

[EmpressOfTheSevenOceans]

You sound completely NU to me!

[ScarletForYa]

Yanbu.

You just have a nice healthy backbone!

[curren]

It sounds like you are the community complainer. But that's not always a bad thing. It can be a good thing. Who wants a illegal toilet or someone blowing weed smoke into their house?

Surly lots of people weren't happy about the toilet being dumped. You just sorted it.

Unless your dh can come up with times you have complained about something ridiculously small. I don't see the issue.

[Dolallytats]

I would have complained about all of those too, so if you are a grump then so am I. I am 42 so not far off your age

I'm a firm believer of not letting the smaller anti-social behaviours go because if we stop caring about those, then the large ones become the smaller ones-if that makes sense!!

YANBU

[Rainbunny]

Curren - I think I might be a bit of a community complainer! - but in my defence I don't complain to people at large, just politely directly contacted the relevant people (apartment management company about our weed loving neighbour, construction company about the port-a-loo, couple jumping on the roof) and I was always polite and friendly I swear!

Dolally - I tend to agree. Many annoying things just get worse when nobody cares to address anything. I think my behaviour has been shaped a little by spending 5 years in Tokyo, apartment living with paper thin walls tends to enforce consideration of your neighbours!

[curren]

Curren - I think I might be a bit of a community complainer! - but in my defence I don't complain to people at large, just politely directly contacted the relevant people (apartment management company about our weed loving neighbour, construction company about the port-a-loo, couple jumping on the roof) and I was always polite and friendly I swear!

well there you go. You may be the one that complains, but it's a good thing. So no issue. You aren't rude, don't make people's lives miserable. It's all good. People are probably grateful that someone has sorted it.

Be proud of it.

[Zampa]

I think you were a bit U, complaining to the apartment management company about the weed smoker. Couldn't you have had a word directly?

All the rest sounds OK, though.

[Rainbunny]

Zampa - we did speak to the "alleged" neighbour politely at first. He denied it (whilst reeking of weed) so there was no success to be had that way. He's still our neighbour, it's not like he was kicked out or anything.

[Rainbunny]

Curren - thanks :) I guess I'm just a little frustrated that I get a hard time from my DH over things like this. I feel like the responsible adult who wants to improve the situation (fix: weed smoke in our apartment/people crashing about on the roof/port-a-loo outside the front entrance etc...) and dh makes me feel like an old tight-arse killjoy even though all these things annoyed him as well. It's probably connected to me being 40 and not liking that I tend to be the one who takes care of annoying things that make me look petty.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

I think you are more the community sorter-outer. Would your husband prefer it if there were still cannabis smoke coming in through your windows and your dog was freaking out for the next 2 or 3 hours?

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

So you both moan about all of these things but you do something about it whereas your husband would do nothing, is that it? Doesn't that make him a bigger moaner/complainer? You are proactive so the moaning stops, he does nothing so keeps moaning? Tell him he is just annoyed as your taking away his source to moan

[leelu66]

It sounds like he is jealous that you have a backbone.

He should be supportive of you, not try to undermine you.

[Heyheyheygoodbye]

You sound like a great neighbour to me! Tell him to put a sock in it.

[MangoBiscuit]

YANBU. You don't sound like a complainer. Your DH is sounding like a bit of a coward though.

[lanbro]

You sound like me, if there's a problem then I sort it. I've complained about various things on our estate and they've been sorted for the good of everyone. If they're genuine problems that's the right thing to do!

I am a really lovely person but I am known for not taking any nonsense!

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

DH is the moaner and you're the fixer. Tell him it's not like you go searching out things to get wound up about. That's what would make you the community complainer.

[wanderings]

I so wish I had blocked the pavement for that pavement cyclist who had the nerve to start pinging his bell as he came up behind me; but I knew sadly that if he had ridden into me, I would have ended up worse off, in terms of injuries, and probably the total ass that is the law would have been on his side. (I waited until the last moment before moving out of his way, and heard him swearing under his breath as he passed.) We need to take a stand against those who think they're above decency and the law. If only the authorities weren't so spineless these days.

[Rainbunny]

Thanks for all your replies. I honestly think my annoyance comes down to the fact that both DH and I can dislike a situation but I'll take the logical steps to fix it and DH won't appreciate that it took any work to fix, or that his life is improved by said situation being fixed. He's a lovely bloke but I do get annoyed that he can say I'm a busybody just because I try to fix an issue.

[enterYourPassword]

I don't think you're being unreasonable but if you complain about everything, that's not how everyone will see it, including your husband.

It mostly depends on the way you approach these things and from the way the couple on the roof treated you, it sounds like it's all been polite and friendly. I might have ignored that one but the portaloo and the weed smoke I'd have tried to resolve. I haven't smoked cannabis since I left Uni but that doesn't stop me being a little hypocritical about it.

A married a grumpy old fucker so I don't have too many problems with it. It isn't his most attractive quality, but I'd take it over outright aggression or lack of manners. He gets what he wants with polite assertion and it sounds like you do. Just be aware it's a slippery slope

[TSSDNCOP]

I think you're doing just fine. I'm about to have a word with a neighbour who's had a skip delivered and which is across the street from her house taking up a valuable parking space. She has a drive.

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Your husband is an arse. you are not moany, politely contacting people and asking them to stop doing things they shouldn't have done in the first place is not moaning.

I think you know this and deep down you know you have wrongly phrased the question. Women often do this: they ask "Is it me? How am I at fault?" questions when they really want to draw attention to how annoyed they are with someone else and they are really saying "please join me in agreeing that this other person is being an arse."

I am happy to join you in agreeing that your husband is being an arse for criticising you for getting shit done that he benefits from.

he is also an arse for being apparently under some delusion that you enjoy it, while it is actually an inconvenience to you to have to do it and he should be grateful

[AppleSetsSail]

I'll join you on the grumpy neighbour bench.

I should add, I am currently perched on the sofa watching my neighbours from hell pack up their house into a moving van - I wonder if this marks a new chapter for me.

We're cracking open a bottle of champagne when they drive off.

[glassgarden]

You are the pillar of the community😇

[UpsiLondoes]

Next time your DH moans about a problem, call him the grumpy old whiny relentless old man. Every single time.

He loves feeling like a teenager - moaning about a problem, getting an adult to sort it out on his behalf and labelling the adult "uncool" in his mind. Yes, he sounds like a 12 year old. Sorry.