To change my son's name (kind of) at 2 years of age.

(384 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Fri 27-May-16 10:00:47

DS is 2yrs and his name isn't particularly uncommon but nor is it an overly used one either. Prior to having DS my DH was really keen on this name, me not so much but I did agree to it on the premise that we wouldn't spell it in the typical way because that way can lead to a pronunciation of the name which I really don't like.

But anyway, two years down the line and people are still using the typical spelling and it's driving me mad. Anytime he comes home with something from nursery they've labelled it with the typical spelling, they use the typical spelling when writing in his daily journal, when people text me regarding him they spell his name the typical way and I still get birthday and Christmas cards and they have his name spelt the typical way. He received a certificate yesterday after some activity he'd done at a toddler group and as soon as they heard what his name was they automatically wrote it on his certificate but in its default form so now I feel bummed about that because it my eyes it's not my DS's name.

I have told people soooo many times how we spell his name but it's still constantly spelt in its most common form.

It's really starting to grate on me now.

BTW - the spelling of his name is perfectly legitimate but it's just not the spelling that people associate with the name.

I don't particularly blame people because they just spell it as they assume it's spelt but it's starting to get me down now.

As an example of what I'm trying to say, imagine there's a boy called Luke, but instead of his parents wanting to spell it that way they want to spell it Luc but everyone still writes his name down as Luke because that's the typical spelling. That's probably a rubbish example but I just wanted to try and demonstrate it a little

Anyway, despite me really not liking the common way of spelling his name I'm seriously considering changing his name to it because this misspelling of it is driving me mad and I have a feeling DS will be dealing with this all his life and it will no doubt piss him off in the same way it's pissing me off.

MrsJayy Fri 27-May-16 10:05:27

He is 2 the spelling with catch up when he goes to school Dd went to school with a million Amys and a dozen ways of spelling Amy it sorts itself out.

nobilityobliges Fri 27-May-16 10:05:41

I have a fairly uncommon name that has several variant spellings. People usually either have no idea how to spell it or pick another variant. It is always spelled wrong unless I actually spell it out. It's never bothered me or been an issue. If you prefer your spelling, I'd stick with that. (I prefer my spelling to the variants!)

MrsJayy Fri 27-May-16 10:08:19

I have a common but long name that can be hard to spell still people ask me you get used to it and it doesnt really piss me off.

Mottled Fri 27-May-16 10:09:22

Very difficult to say without knowing the name. Is it something like Louis spelt Louie? There wouldn't be any harm in changing the name but I don't know how difficult it would be.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 27-May-16 10:11:45

It is a bit like that yes mottled, I guess because nobody has ever asked me,"How are you spelling that?" it shows that the default spelling will always be assumed and therefore used.

DailyFaily Fri 27-May-16 10:12:44

I have a similar name - it's a common name with a non-default (but still not unusual) spelling. People misspell it all the time, including family (in fact my SIL misspells it using an even less usual form of the name!).

It doesn't bother me in the least - I could address it by spelling it out to people but it it's not really important and I don't correct people (unless it's an official document or some such). I would leave it as is, what is the point of changing it to something you don't like? As your son gets older he'll correct people if he's bothered by it.

cjt110 Fri 27-May-16 10:13:27

My son's name is a common name but spelt differently. I wouldn't change it. I would however be pulling the nursery up over something like that. If such little attention is being paid to how his name is spelt, what else are they overlooking.

Andbabymakesthree Fri 27-May-16 10:13:41

Its the nursery who need to pull their socks up and I'd be having strong words. I'd also be asking who ever wrote the certificate to redo it/that's not how its spelt. Stops the presumption.

Fwiw my daughter has a typically spelt Welsh name and still people can't pronounce or spell it even though its really mainstream....

Writerwannabe83 Fri 27-May-16 10:14:07

It's a bit like the Clair, Clare, Claire type thing. That's a name that is well known for being spelt a variety of ways and so in general people tend to ask how it's spelt, whereas with my son's name because it isn't well known to have alternative spellings the default spelling is always used.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 27-May-16 10:15:08

I actually feel really reassured by these posts.

Pedestriana Fri 27-May-16 10:15:25

As people have said, he's 2. When he's a bit older he can correct people himself. In the interim, I think you have to grit your teeth and politely correct people every time.
I had a spate of having to correct people when my DD was small. She has a fairly common first name, and a fairly common middle name. So, for example, instead of people calling her "Ruby" everyone assumed she was "Ruby-Grace". I got sick of telling people again and again. As soon as she could tell people they were wrong, she did. She knows if her name is spelled wrongly on things too and will point it out.

Just to be clear, DD is not called Ruby Grace.

Floggingmolly Fri 27-May-16 10:15:37

What did you expect when you opted for a yoonique non typical spelling? Of course people will assume the typical spelling - that's kind of the definition of typical, you know? confused

MrsJayy Fri 27-May-16 10:16:42

But i guess the default spelling is going happen we all have default spelling if we dont know exactly however if its nursery I would be annoyed you are going to have to say to them

2nds Fri 27-May-16 10:17:54

I have a name that was common in the 70s but you never hear of little girls with the same name today. My mother gave me a version of it that is spelt a slightly different way to the normal way it's spelt.

People get my name wrong all the time. I am nearly 40 and I still get the odd birthday card with the more common spelling. People use the more common spelling when sending me a message on fb even though my name is right there in black lettering. Recently I went shopping and this guy stopped me to try and sign me up for their shop's reward points. He asked my name and I said it and for the first time in my life I didn't need to spell it out and I was so thrilled lol. Having said all that I wouldn't have wanted my mum to change my name back when I was 2 just because she was sick of people getting it wrong.

People will get names wrong no matter what way they are spelt and when the child is older this won't matter so much, honestly it's not even an issue.

LittleSweetPea Fri 27-May-16 10:18:01

I wouldn't change it.
I would talk to nursery again and I would correct the spelling in his daily journal. They will soon start spelling it correctly when they see it.
I would also ask for the certificate to be changed to the correct spelling I am sure they will be happy to do this I've been to groups where this has happened before and no one was bothered.

MrsJayy Fri 27-May-16 10:18:24

Its like Lewis and Louis i would spell Lewis as default its just what sticks in your head really

Wolfiefan Fri 27-May-16 10:19:13

Tell nursery to sort it out. If you share his name ALWAYS tell people how to spell it.
Raise him to be happy correcting people. (I have an unusual first name and am always correcting people!)

kellybee90 Fri 27-May-16 10:20:35

My name is spelt Kellie and so I've always had people spelling it wrong (spelt it with a 'y' in my username because when I first signed up I was worried it might 'out' me...turns out I don't post about anything revealing anyway so I'm not bothered about it now!). It's a normal part of my life and doesn't bother me in the slightest, I usually politely correct them and don't get worked up about it. I certainly would not have wanted my mum to change my name because people kept getting it wrong, it's really no trouble.

That being said, the people who are looking after him at nursery should really be able to spell his name correctly. With regard to the certificate, I would just take it back to them and ask if they can write a new one out with his name on it? And use that as an excuse to say that a lot of correspondence does seem to have his name spelt incorrectly and that you'd appreciate if more effort can be made to get it right. I never had a problem with any teachers at school spelling my name wrong more than once! If they get it wrong, let them know it's wrong and if they do it again, ask them why!

When it comes to friends and texting, that may be a case of simple autocorrect. It would bother me in birthday/christmas cards etc though if it was wrong. But with texts, if they spell it wrong, in your reply just make sure you make a point of spelling it correctly (e.g. if they ask how 'Luke' is, simply say 'Luc is really well thanks' rather than just 'yeah he's really well'). They might get the message!

PottyMouthed Fri 27-May-16 10:20:52

Three of my four kids have non typical spellings of fairly standard names.
It did used to annoy me but in the grand scheme of things it's not massive is it? I gave my kids those spellings and if their names are only verbally given to strangers/new people, it's not really unreasonable for them to assume it's the normal spelling. I don't get ancy about it anymore.
It does annoy me in the nursery instance though, like My DD name ends in 'ie' when the typical spelling is 'y' and she comes home with work named in the 'y' spelling. That is annoying as she's gone to the same nursery for 18m and she sees the teachers outside of it too, on occasion. I don't feel it's unreasonable to have a handle on what the kids in your care are called after 18 sodding months!!
Same with the birthday cards. Would you believe my sons GODMOTHER still writes the wrong spelling in cards after nearly TEN YEARS!!

But in regards to changing your child's name, your child will correct them himself in time. It seems a shame to lose a little bit of his uniqueness to other people's fucking ignorance. He may love his name when he's an adult. He may choose to change it himself? Leave it as is for now is my advice flowers

Lovewineandchocs Fri 27-May-16 10:21:12

That's a bit narrow-minded in this day and age flogging

OP I wouldn't change it-I used to have teachers telling me that the spelling of my own name was wrong due to the "I before e except after c" rule. Drove me mad! U chose to spell your DS' name in the more unusual way for a reason, you liked the way it looked, you wanted it to be unique, whatever. I think you'd really regret changing it tbh.

AndYourBirdCanSing Fri 27-May-16 10:21:47

I think people are being rude when they have been told several times but continue to spell it wrong. My name has three typical spellings, with mine being the least commonly used in this country. It does annoy me when people repeatedly spell it wrong but then I do make an effort to actually get names right!

Have you mentioned it to nursery? They really should be spelling it correctly. Then again my daughter has had her name spelt incorrectly in her reading record a few times- I purposely have her a name that I thought would only ever be spelt correctly (it's the name of a flower!) but there is a child in her class with same name who spells it wrong differently so they sometimes get mixed up

Writerwannabe83 Fri 27-May-16 10:21:54

The problem is that the typical way of it being spelt can often be pronounced in a way that I can't stand, and I would really dislike hearing my son being called that because someone assumes that's the pronunciation I use.

The pronunciation of it that I don't like is a perfectly legitimate name.

It's seems like I have a bad situation either way:

1) I spell it my current way, there's no chance of it being pronounced the way I don't like but it means I going to have to tolerate the misspelling of it.

2) I change his name to the typical spelling, dislike it, never how to feel annoyed about it being spelt wrong but having to be prepared for his name to be pronounced incorrectly.

2nds Fri 27-May-16 10:22:07

Just to add when people get the name right use that as a sort of 'fist pump' moment and your frame of mind about this issue might change. BTW I've realised that both my kids have very common names and both have the most common spelling but they got invited to a birthday party recently and on their invitation both of their names is spelt wrong. I just think no matter what you do people will still get names wrong.

RaeSkywalker Fri 27-May-16 10:23:14

My DB has a non-typical spelling of his name (like 'Jak' instead of 'Jack'). It really winds him up that he's constantly saying "Jak spelled J-A-K... No, without a C" when on the phone at work or dealing with insurance companies, banks, etc. All the 'important' people know though!

My friend has just done something similar with her baby's name (think 'Hollie' instead of 'Holly').

I would expect the nursery to know the correct spelling and would correct them when they get it wrong. Other people should pick it up eventually!

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