To want to report this to SS?

(65 Posts)
Zosebrina Wed 25-May-16 15:26:37

I live next door to a very volatile family. The couple have 2 children - a baby and a 6 year old.

As I live next door and the walls are ridiculously thin I can hear pretty much every conversation they have in the adjoining rooms to mine. It might sound like I'm "listening in" on the conversations from what I describe below but I promise I'm not, I often sit in my living room just surfing the internet on my ipad in the quiet and can hear all conversations clear as day - same when i'm in my bedroom trying to sleep the conversations come right through without any effort in trying to listen!

They smoke cannabis throughout the day and the smell seeps into my property so can imagine what it must be like next door.

The 6 year old is often wandering the streets on her own looking for the other children in the street to play with - they can't always come out to play so she then wanders the street on her own unsupervised - the street is long and turns a corner so even if the parents were watching from their windows/or front driveway then they wouldn't see their child around the corner.

The one evening I was stood looking out of my top window, and saw her knocking door after door looking for someone to play with, it was getting dark and she continued to wander up the street. Then a car slowed right down next to her and pulled over across the street, they had obviously called her as she stopped and went over to the car. I started to panic thinking the worst and ran downstairs and out of the house, looked next door and no sign of anyone standing at any windows watching her so I stood there and watched and waited. Luckily the car then drove off but she was still all alone in the street, no one else around and I just thought WHY are you being allowed to wander around on your own at this time of night with no one watching you! I decided I might have been too interfering as she may have known the driver, and went back inside but still kept an eye out for her.
She disappeared round the corner, but thankfully came back a few minutes later and went home.

I came home a few weeks ago at 10.30pm and as I was getting out of my car she walked past me to go home! It was chucking it down aswell poor thing was soaked, I cant imagine where she had been at that time of night!

I am only friendly with my immediate neighbour on the other side as I'm fairly new to the street so haven't met anyone else yet, but during conversations they have told me that the little girl often stops outside their house and talks to them and she smells quite noticeably of urine and her clothes are often dirty and face/hands etc. The dirty clothes and face/hands don't particularly concern me as kids get dirty when they are playing.

As mentioned earlier I can hear pretty much every conversation that goes on and the father shouts at both of his children on a daily basis, not just a telling off but swears and shouts at them and I know he is talking to them as calls them by their names. The shouting/swearing seems to be for really trivial things too, for example yesterday he was heard saying to the little girl "don't f**king put your bowl on the table take it straight to the f**king kitchen what the f**k is the matter with you!" - ok fine she did wrong but was that absolutely necessary?!

the mother does the same aswell and one instance last week the mother was getting washing in from the line and her daughter was asking her for something to which the mum said no but child kept on and on and in the end the mother said "For f**ks sake will you just f**k off and leave me alone you annoying little f**king sh*t!!!" I have heard him shouting at the baby for crying also!

They don't seem to have any set bedtime, I can often hear them still up at 11/12 at night when their parents have people over and the language is appalling, discussing things that children really shouldn't be hearing (how the father was going to go f**k someone up as he owed him a tenner was one example, discussing how much money they had that week and how much weed they could buy was another).

Last night I was woken at 3am by the daughter running round the house, then the baby started crying, and then the mother swearing/shouting at them calling them everything - this went on for about an hour.

When the daughter is playing in the street, if she cant get the other kids shes playing with to do what she wants them to do, then she calls them C**ts and B*tches and throws a complete wobbly in the street screaming the place down. Her parents must be able to hear her as I can from inside my house but obviously choose not to intervene.
I have overheard some of the other children turn down the little girls request for going to her house as they say their mothers wont allow them to go to her house (I can imagine wny not) - queue more meltdowns and swearing from the little girl.

My neighbour has told me that on more than one occasion they have gone outside early on a Saturday or sunday morning to find the little girl sat on the wall eating crisps (for breakfast) with no shoes or socks on, when my neighbours asked why she was sat there alone they were told that mummy and daddy want a lie in so told me to come outside out of the way.

now I know all of this can't be taken as gospel and I know I can only go by the things I've seen and heard myself, but I don't know what to do - they are bad enough neighbours as it is, I really don't want it to get escalated because they will know its me that's reported them for swearing at the kids because I'm the only one that will be able to hear them - I am the only house attached to them.

I know I can remain anonymous but its the specific examples that will out me, I cant just say I'm concerned, I will have to outline why and I think saying that the child wanders the street alone (as that could have come from anyone in my street) isn't really evidence enough to warrant investigation I don't think? Also a few months ago I heard the mother prepping the daughter on what to say when the social services woman came round - make sure you don't mention anything about yesterday, and don't say anything about your brother. I only got the tail end of the conversation but it was obvious enough she was prepping her.
Either they get notification of when SS come around or they pre-empt it because about a week before the visit they had all their windows open daily and weed smoking was done outside.

So if SS have been involved before do you think I should just back off mind my own business and hope they are on the "radar" or do you think they've managed to fob off SS and are no longer a concern?

I know what people do in their own homes is none of my business but I'm finding it harder to turn a blind eye to the things they are saying to these children. I just keep thinking, its obviously acceptable what they are doing or schools and GP's would have picked up on it by now and surely the parents of the other children this little girl plays with will have noticed all this so just leave it alone?

WWYD?

RestlessTraveller Wed 25-May-16 15:30:49

You really need to report this.

ThoraGruntwhistle Wed 25-May-16 15:31:55

Report it. None of that sounds good. sad

LanceCorporalJones Wed 25-May-16 15:34:00

Please report it

SheHasAWildHeart Wed 25-May-16 15:34:21

Just list everything with facts as you have done above.
Do any of the children go to school - just thinking that teachers might also be picking up on something.

RosieSW Wed 25-May-16 15:36:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zosebrina Wed 25-May-16 15:37:23

Yes WildHeart the daughter goes to school so I don't understand why it hasn't been picked up there either or maybe it has and the process is just extremely slow?!

Cocacolaandchocolate Wed 25-May-16 15:39:18

Report it. You should always report concerns, and I'm sorry but whether they know the concerns come from you or not as an adult you have a duty to help to protect Those children. Given what you have written op, these children do need protecting.

TeaBelle Wed 25-May-16 15:41:38

Defintley report. The examples that you've given may not be picked up at school if she is well versed not to talk about home life there

Aeroflotgirl Wed 25-May-16 15:43:40

Report Report Report, to SS and Police. Op why did you not report earlier?

Oliviaerinpope Wed 25-May-16 15:45:10

Report it.

Goingtobeawesome Wed 25-May-16 15:45:41

Why do you need to ask? It's a big deal to report but honestly, it isn't for you to decide if this child is being neglected but it is for you to make the call. Also, you were lucky the car driver drove off while you were looking in Windows to see if she was being watched.

Gotheftosleep Wed 25-May-16 15:46:23

Report. You're doing the right thing - sounds like you may be the only person looking out for those poor children.

Zosebrina Wed 25-May-16 15:48:45

I didn't report it earlier because I haven't been in my house very long and I keep thinking at the back of my mind I'm an interfering busy body and if it were that bad surely other people will have reported it also - my neighbours have been here longer than me and have said its been the same since the little girl was old enough to come out and play in the street so why didn't they report it, why haven't any of the mothers of the other children reported it? I just cant help thinking why hasn't someone else picked up on this why is it only me and I am missing something and perhaps this isn't a big a concern as I think it is.
I will now report it though now that I know I should.

SheHasAWildHeart Wed 25-May-16 15:48:56

I was house-sitting for someone once and her partner and was swearing at her kids and at one point the kids starting screaming and crying and so did the mother. The sounded so scared and distressed, so I called the police. Was worried that the partner would know if was me that called but the police just said someone walking past the house had called. Am sure SS will do all they can to keep your name out of it.

blueskywithclouds Wed 25-May-16 15:49:36

Please report. School only see her 6hours a day. They may well have reported that she seems neglected in terms of smell/cleanliness but that in itself isn't enough. Many children do not go into school and say what being at home is like. Please report all that you have said here.

Pseudo341 Wed 25-May-16 15:52:24

Definitely report.

I'd be interested to know what the legalities are of recording what you're hearing through the wall since you can hear it plain as day in your own house. Certainly you could start writing down what you're hearing.

I can appreciate they're very scary people and you don't want to give them a reason to cause you bother but please do something for this poor little girl.

BG2015 Wed 25-May-16 15:55:07

Please report it.

I've done level 1 safeguarding at my school and this is the type of thing that needs reporting. Police, social services, even the school (if you know where she attends) they can all follow this up.

TwoLeftSocks Wed 25-May-16 15:55:43

Report it.

longdiling Wed 25-May-16 15:56:57

Why the heck would you not report this? What more would they have to do to these kids for you to report them?! I wouldn't hesitate. Please, please do it now

CaptainCrunch Wed 25-May-16 16:00:43

By all means report it, but don't expect any action to appear to be taken. I have worked in this environment and I currently work in a school in a very deprived area. I report on a weekly basis. Almost every day a child discloses something that needs flagged up. Most of the reading bags stink of skunk, they frequently discuss 18+ games e.g. GTA and COD, there are 5 year olds playing this all day long.

A year ago I reported a girl who had been approaching men in vans and asking them to let her ride along with them. She was 8 years old then. She's still living with both her parents. Her father is a registered sex offender. We have good reason to believe she is being abused.

Nothing, repeat nothing has been done. I despair, I really do.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Wed 25-May-16 16:01:42

report, and keep a diary too. Ugh, its shit isn't it

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 25-May-16 16:02:05

if it were that bad surely other people will have reported it also - my neighbours have been here longer than me and have said its been the same since the little girl was old enough to come out and play in the street so why didn't they report it, why haven't any of the mothers of the other children reported it? This is how children slip through the net. SS would rather have ALL the reports because that paints a picture and is clearly not malicious reporting. But everyone wants it to be someone else's business.

It is everyone's business. If every neighbour reported, SS would know there was an issue and deal with it. The welfare of children is everyone's responsibility, morally and legally.

BoffinMum Wed 25-May-16 16:02:33

Sounds like neglect to me. I have worked with children like this and oddly enough they have a very distinctive smell relating to not being cared for. A lot of the wandering around the street sounds completely inappropriate and of there is repeated evidence of weed permeating everywhere, well, that is just dire. I would phone it in.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Wed 25-May-16 16:03:35

captain, I think its a very regional thing. roughly where are you if you don't mind me asking. That's brutal though

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