Everyone loves a good neighbour question...

(20 Posts)
Tartsamazeballs Fri 20-May-16 17:00:53

Background: I live in the middle of a terrace of houses. There's a small bit of grass out the front. The road is set away from the houses. To the back, there's a field with a football pitch, massive park and basketball court. It is very safe area- you often see kids age 8 or so playing by themselves there. You can see the entire field from our houses.

My next door neighbours son, age 10 or 11- I think last year of primary, spends a lot of time kicking a football or batting a tennis ball against his own house. He does this any time between 4pm-9pm weekdays + can be all day weekends. He started it last year. I'm as far away as I can get from where he's playing, and it's still making a right racket. It winds the dog up (he thinks someone is knocking on the front door) so it's slowly driving me mad. It's very frustrating with the amazing field we have over the back, but I'm aware the kid has autism so I don't want to be too judgey about what he's doing because I don't know his limitations and what he's comfortable with.

AIBU to be annoyed by his behaviour, and WIBU to give him a foam ball and ask him to stop playing with hard balls against the walls? I'm getting to the stage where I can't cope with the constant bang-bang-bang noise anymore.

MrsJayy Fri 20-May-16 17:06:30

Oh god must be driving you and the dog nuts do you speak to his mum but tbh if he is playing at his own house there is not much you can do

MrsJayy Fri 20-May-16 17:07:39

Meant to say if you speak to his mum say to her

redhat Fri 20-May-16 17:09:40

I can understand that the noise might be irritating but the point of kicking the ball against the house is that it comes back to you. He can hardly kick the ball to himself in the field.

ElectroStallion Fri 20-May-16 17:12:20

It might be that he needs the noise feedback from the ball, that might be his stimming, sorry.
Ask his parents.

Tartsamazeballs Fri 20-May-16 17:19:25

I figured it might be a stimming thing. I also understand that it's nice when a ball comes back to you, but it's also nice to come home ill from work and not to be woken by the Windows rattling half an hour later... 😂

The mum is generally very nice so I might give it a go with offering a foam ball as a compromise... Wondering if I could ask them to keep it to before 8pm and after 10am on the weekends. I'm really not some ogre who hates kid-noise, I knew when we bought we'd get noise from the park and generally I love hearing the kids play, but it's just the relentless banging... I can't deal! The kid seems to have a sixth sense to start up just as me and the husband sit down for a nice meal, too!!!

LupoLoopy Fri 20-May-16 17:22:34

YANBU. Sounds like you're a sensitive person (giving that you're giving consideration to your neighbour's child's requirements), who also has needs as a human being too.

Chatting it out if you already have a relationship is of course the best course. Just make sure when you float the 'curfew times' (for want of a better word) you make it sound like a proposal rather than a mandate. Last thing you want to do is unintentionally get their back up.

MrsJayy Fri 20-May-16 17:32:32

Your nerves must be jangled especially if it sets the dog off too

DailyMailFodder Fri 20-May-16 17:34:45

Can you speak to him or his Mum? Is there a reason that you are hesitant?

Tartsamazeballs Fri 20-May-16 18:01:17

No reason related to her, Fodder, it's mostly my anxiety holding me back- I suffer pretty badly angry

Witchend Fri 20-May-16 18:18:22

As a tennis player a foam ball is no good against a house unless you really pound it, and then control is harder. I could do it, but I suspect ds (good player at 8yo) would give up.

halighhalighaliehaligh Fri 20-May-16 18:24:30

YABU imo. It's not unreasonable noise. You live in a terraced area so noise from children playing is to be expected. He's not banging it against your wall but I appreciate you can still hear it.
Have you tried going out or putting the radio on in the background if the noise is as relentless as you say (though I assume the child eats so it's not literally all day).
If you live in a terraced house and this is the worst complaint you have about your neighbours I think you are more fortunate than a lot of people tbh. Remember you will also be making noise that your neighbours have to tolerate - your dog barking when anyone knocks at the door or they hear a ball bouncing for example.

beetroot2 Fri 20-May-16 18:26:13

Any constant noise irritates the hell out of me. Whilst there are obviously mitigating circumstances here, it would still piss me off.

As you suffer from anxiety, so Im guessing you don't like confrontation of any type, could you maybe pop a little polite note in the door?

HooseRice Fri 20-May-16 18:30:12

At school when we played football or dodgeball indoors we got a really dense foam ball that was reasonably heavy like a proper football. Something like that (you'd probably have to order it) might do the trick.

Leta86 Fri 20-May-16 18:38:37

Haligh... honestly... constant banging against the wall hours on end isn't unbearable? Children noises are one thing, but when even the dog has been driven up the wall, I'd say thats beyond normal.
As for OP, my condolences. I am sure the parents are doing their best and living with autism is a challenge to everyone even at best of times. I hope an agreement can be reached. Don't be afraid though to -gently- speak out. flowers

HmmmHashtag Fri 20-May-16 18:52:16

Don't put a note through. It could be misconstrued.

halighhalighaliehaligh Fri 20-May-16 19:00:06

I grew up in a terraced area and all the children in the area would play football in their yards/on the street from dawn til dusk so yes I think it is a reasonable noise in that kind of area. Just like traffic noise if you live near a busy road it is to be expected. To be honest I refuse to believe that you can hear a tennis ball that isn't being bounced against your wall. The 2 girls who lived next door to me would always play ball against their wall and I could never hear it. A football on brick/tarmac - yes you would hear that but I really don't think it's an unreasonable noise for a few hours after school (presumably with a tea break) in a built up area where there are kids. When you live that close to people there are noises. When dd was little my neighbours barking dog used to drive me insane waking up her up all the time but I accepted that I lived in close proximity to someone who was entitled to have a pet. I wouldn't have dreamed of complaining. And in return my neighbour had to put up with my baby waking in the night for a short while. I don't think putting the radio on if the noise is bothering the op would be that massive an inconvenience would it?

DailyMailFodder Fri 20-May-16 19:15:21

Sometimes you just have to woman up and do things - just call around to your neighbours and speak to them. As long as you are polite and friendly then you aren't doing anything wrong. You can't guard tee that you will get a good response but you probably will. Despite how it seems on Mumsnet i think most people are reasonable and would want to know if they were disturbing their neighbours.
If I spoke to them I would start off in a very unconfrontational way by asking if they 'could do you a favour?'

DailyMailFodder Fri 20-May-16 19:17:27

. Wondering if I could ask them to keep it to before 8pm and after 10am on the weekends

I think that's a very reasonable request.

gleam Fri 20-May-16 19:35:21

Could he have a swingball or the similar football thing so he could play in his garden? (If it would suit him.)

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