Help me please - DH eating massive really crunchy crisps really close to me

(31 Posts)
nomoreintimacyever Thu 19-May-16 22:23:56

Slowly but surely munching his way through a big packet - aargh

DeadGood Thu 19-May-16 22:25:56

Oh Jesus.

You'd better make a large mug of tea, then drink it slowly and noisily, making lots of swallowing sounds and sighing "aaaaahhhhhh" after every savoured, swallowy sip

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 19-May-16 22:26:28

I'll swap you, I'm a bit hungry and I fancy some crisps. DP is sleep breathing next to me angry

MakingJudySmile Thu 19-May-16 22:27:08

Mine too. About 100,000 pound chews per crisp and the bag appears to be endless.

DilbyGlipob Thu 19-May-16 22:27:24

Snatch them off him and lick them. All of them.

Bluecarrot Thu 19-May-16 22:27:48

I have to leave the room when someone doing that.. I feel actual anger towards them!

Dakin1 Thu 19-May-16 22:28:12

LTB

MakingJudySmile Thu 19-May-16 22:28:29

Pound chews?

Loud chews.

nomoreintimacyever Thu 19-May-16 22:29:00

grin

He has left the room for a bit. I am off to hide the rest of the packet.

SnuffleGruntSnorter Thu 19-May-16 22:29:22

My first LTB. I hate the noise of my DH eating. Also how did I not notice in the many, many years before we married that he sticks his tongue out with every mouthful?!

NoMudNoLotus Thu 19-May-16 22:29:30

Tazer him.

nomoreintimacyever Thu 19-May-16 22:29:44

I feel actual anger towards them!

Me too

NotSoFancyHanky Thu 19-May-16 22:30:05

Drives me nuts too especially accompanied by bag rustlingangry

Thethingswedoforlove Thu 19-May-16 22:33:37

I generally have to leave the room. Makes him very sad (his words). Not his fault. But I just can't bear it!

MakingJudySmile Thu 19-May-16 22:33:57

He sticks his tongue out. Fuck me you win. Definitely tazer him.

<finds mrJudy slightly less annoying>

nomoreintimacyever Thu 19-May-16 22:34:12

Great suggestions anyway - will implement them next time it happens. I especially like the "licking each crisp" solution grin.

chinam Thu 19-May-16 22:34:26

I'm delicately nibbling munching a bar of chocolate. I offered DH a piece and he took it. Bastard. Let me borrow that tazer when you're done with it.

Arfarfanarf Thu 19-May-16 22:35:02

Squeeze the packet until the crisps are dust.
Pretend you accidentally sat on it.

madmother1 Thu 19-May-16 22:36:36

A work colleague was crunching slowly through an apple today......ahhhhh!

SeemsLegit Thu 19-May-16 22:37:44

My ex used to noisily suck his fingers and chew with his mouth open. We were on holiday and I was eating popcorn while he had a lie down. When he came in I hid the popcorn and pretended to have eaten it all so he couldn't have any.

By that point it was one more excuse to hate him but I couldn't bear to listen to it. He used to do this thing where he would roll the food round and sort of stick it to the roof of his mouth so it would make a weird smacking noise. How I didn't kill him I don't know

MakingJudySmile Thu 19-May-16 22:38:24

Actually I lie: he's still irritating

Rustle rustle rustle

Crunch

Chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch

Slurp drink

Rustle rustle rustle

Crunch

Chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch

Slurp drink

Cutecat78 Thu 19-May-16 22:38:59

Kill him.

thatorchidmoment Thu 19-May-16 22:54:38

Tip a glass of water in the packet accidentally on purpose .

Soggy crisps= no crunchability.

Gloat Apologise profusely.

Pour large glass of wine and revel in the tranquility.

ToomuchChocolatemeansBootcamp Thu 19-May-16 22:57:31

Sounds like you've done that before orchid are you a master crisp slosher?

thatorchidmoment Thu 19-May-16 23:08:36

Do you know toomuch, I have never actually sabotaged noisy foodstuffs! I should: DH sounds like one of those food waste disposal units you find in sinks now and again.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now