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AIBU?

To drive an hour away to family with LO for a few days?

108 replies

GoodCompanion · 19/05/2016 21:06

Hey there Newbie here.

Just wanted your opinion on this subject.
So I'm an hour away drive on the motorway from family as the title says and I know nobody in my town . OH is at work until 5/6 and he does do his bit when he comes back but he takes his time sometimes that I end up doing stuff that we've agreed he does. AIBU to suggest that I take LO to my mothers tomorrow morning to get a break. I'm tired, lonely, feeling down, bored and lo is feeling it all. Plus if I go away she can play with her cousins which are a similar age.

If I do suggest going away I know he will say no because he doesn't want me to drive on my own with lo. Would I also be unreasonable to just go anyway? Or would that be a rubbish thing to do. I just need some support iv been a stahp for 2 and half years now in an area I don't really have anyone close to me. We are planning to move but I just need to be around people now because I'm going crazy and not myself anymore.

Thanks x

OP posts:

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AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 21:14

Why doesn't your husband want you to drive on your own ? Do you only have a provisional licence ?

ThatStewie · 19/05/2016 21:16

Tell him exactly what you've said here. If he doesn't understand why you need to do this, then you need to be having a different conversation. Being alone all day & feeling low isn't good for anyone.

therootoftheroot · 19/05/2016 21:17

why on earth WOULDN'T you drive to your mum's house?
it's an hour away! not a 12 hour drive or something! i absolutely would go!

you don't even have to stay if you don't wnt-just go for the day

i drive an hour to my mum's house every weekend just to have a coffee and a chat with her

FreedomMummy · 19/05/2016 21:19

If there is a valid reason (that I can't think of!!) your OH doesn't want you driving, can a member of your family come and pick you up?
YANBU to want to spend time with your family, particularly when you're feeling low and needing support.

Meow75 · 19/05/2016 21:19

Don't go without saying something but if you have passed your driving test then why is he okay to do the drive (presumably) and not you? The whole point of being able to drive is to have the freedom to go where you please and when.

Jimjamjoos · 19/05/2016 21:19

Why would it be unreasonable? Absolute bullocks! If you have a licence then you are completely capable of driving there alone! Why not make it a regular getaway? Or just bloody stay there...what a prick! Enjoy your break!

GoodCompanion · 19/05/2016 21:19

No iv been driving for a year now but he doesn't have any confidence in me when it comes to it. To a point where I don't like driving with him in the car with me because he becomes aggressive with me

OP posts:

MillionToOneChances · 19/05/2016 21:20

An hour is nothing. Go see your family.

DuckAndPancakes · 19/05/2016 21:20

I don't understand why he'd have a problem unless it was worry with regards to driving or something?

I think going and spending some time with your mum would be a great idea for you and DC... Maybe even DP too.

I used to drive 3/4 hours away at least once a month to go and spend time with my family before DD started school. It's the only thing that kept me sane when DP was working constantly.

redcaryellowcar · 19/05/2016 21:21

Sounds like you 'need' to go, think you need to explain to him in similar terms to how you've worded your post. If he's worried bout you driving (and for any reason his concerns are legitimate) could you get the train?
In similar circumstances I tell my dh that he can have some lovely sleep, I get a pizza in the fridge for him, or arrange my visits to my parents when he's on a night out after work.

AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 21:21

well, he won't be in the car if you drive to your folks when he is at work

and what kind of partner makes someone feel shit about their driving ?

aggressive, you say ?

what else is he "aggressive" about ?

AgentProvocateur · 19/05/2016 21:21

Just go. You don't need to ask his permission.

Jimjamjoos · 19/05/2016 21:21

The examiner passed you. It's nothing to do with him. I think you have bigger problems. Pack a large suitcase in the morning and go and speak to your mum.

Chippednailvarnishing · 19/05/2016 21:22

Go to your family and stay there, aggression is never acceptable.

0hCrepe · 19/05/2016 21:22

Just say all bright and breezy you've decided to stay with your mum for a bit, enjoy the peace dh! Love you bye, we'll be fine, call you when I'm there.

FreedomMummy · 19/05/2016 21:23

Well that isn't a valid reason. His attitude to your driving is very U and needs sorting.
An hour is nothing and you should go see your family but you do need to tell him that is what you are doing.

AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 21:23

red i don't even know why you are treating your husband like a 16yo on their own for the first time when you are away from home

get a pizza in for him ? Make sure you only do it when he is out on the lash anyway ?

Do you realise how that looks from the outside ?

Go when you want to go

DuckAndPancakes · 19/05/2016 21:23

Plan your route
Go at a quiet time of day
Take your time
Know where you can stop if you have to/need to.

Pack a bag and go for as long as you want/need to.

TheUnsullied · 19/05/2016 21:24

Do you feel confident enough to do the drive? If so, just go. Not a chance I'd be staying in all day because someone else didn't trust me to drive without them next to me barking orders.

0hCrepe · 19/05/2016 21:25

Oh dear. Aggressive? Not helpful when driving. is that really his problem or is it a control issue?

Chippednailvarnishing · 19/05/2016 21:26

In similar circumstances I tell my dh that he can have some lovely sleep, I get a pizza in the fridge for him, or arrange my visits to my parents when he's on a night out after work.

Yes playing the obedient little woman to an aggressive man is always a really good idea

GoodCompanion · 19/05/2016 21:27

I do feel confident iv driven the route before so I know stop offs and hardly need my sat nav so I will be fine with the drive, it's just that I have a feeling he'll try and put me off because he has done before. That's one of the reasons iv said should I just go anyway

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ThatStewie · 19/05/2016 21:27

Dismissive of your driving & aggressive? That doesn't sound like a supportive partner.

GoodCompanion · 19/05/2016 21:28

Think he's definitely a bit of a control freak. I suppose I shouldn't even have to expect him to be so negative about it cuz it just makes me uncomfortable

OP posts:

NoCapes · 19/05/2016 21:29

You don't need to ask permission
You are a grown up
Go wherever you like

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