Annoyed by DPs ExWife still having his surname...

(687 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Orangecookie Wed 18-May-16 21:11:36

I don't know this would get to me, but it just does!

My DP's ExWife still has his surname, and they have kids. He divorced a while ago but we are not married. She does contact him a lot to get him to 'do stuff' like fix shelves, a bit less so now. She sends his in laws cards for their birthdays and Xmas always signed 'from the X surname family'.

Maybe I should just get over myself and not think about it. But it makes me feel like she is still in my DPs 'family unit' more than me. We will marry at some point but the thought of taking his surname also makes me feel weird, like I'd be wife number 2!

Anyone else feel annoyed? Or and I just getting wound up over nothing?

Orangecookie Wed 18-May-16 21:12:58

Apologies about the bad grammar... Silly iPad... blush

Cocolepew Wed 18-May-16 21:13:33

Yabu, she has the same surname as her children.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards Wed 18-May-16 21:14:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smurfling43 Wed 18-May-16 21:14:32

Yabuhmm

ChaChaChaCh4nges Wed 18-May-16 21:14:36

She wants the same surname as her children.

It's as much her name now as your DP's.

When you and DP marry you will be his 2nd wife.

It's best all round that she gets on with your DP and his relatives.

Really can't see the problem here.

splendide Wed 18-May-16 21:14:39

You can't help how you feel but I'm afraid she is part of his family unit isn't she? She's the mother of his children!

Justmuddlingalong Wed 18-May-16 21:15:04

She legally has his surname. What would you suggest she do?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 18-May-16 21:15:44

You would be wife no 2. You would be his second wife. The first one may want to keep the same name as her children.

YABU, has your partner given you any reason to be insecure?

PointlessUsername Wed 18-May-16 21:15:48

She most probably doesn't want a different surname to their dc.

You will be wife no 2 even if she doesn't have the same name as your dp.

Goingthedistance Wed 18-May-16 21:15:49

Whilst it's understandable to be annoyed by this (I know I would be too) it is unfortunately not in your control what name XW decides to use I'm afraid.

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 18-May-16 21:15:54

But... You would be wife number two. confused

BYOSnowman Wed 18-May-16 21:16:11

Wound up over nothing. It's her name too.

I've had my married name for as long as I had my maiden name. It would be weird to change back and would be annoying professionally. It's also nice to have the same surname as my kids! Not that I'm planning a divorce!!

MarthasHarbour Wed 18-May-16 21:16:24

She has the same surname as her children. She sends Xmas cards to her DCs grandparents.

Nothing wrong with any of that. This is what my Mum did when she divorced my father. She hated her ex.

AnyFucker Wed 18-May-16 21:16:29

Yes, you should get over yourself. It's her name.

Is the we will marry "at some point" not near enough on the horizon for you ?

BIWI Wed 18-May-16 21:16:30

Yes, YABVU! She married your DP so legally that is her name.

And if you marry your DP of course you will be wife no. 2!

You are being very silly.

However, I suspect you know that - what's really at the root of this concern?

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Wed 18-May-16 21:16:40

I can see why this would annoy you. It'd annoy me too! But, being objective, perhaps she's keeping the same name as her children, rather than keeping the same name as her ex, IYSWIM

If she is keeping his name because she still has feelings for him, then you can pity her. He chose you, he doesn't want her back and she's hanging on to something that no longer exists.

Either way, you can't make her change, you can only change how you react to it, and it's best to react in a way that causes you as little stress as possible

Lightattheend Wed 18-May-16 21:17:09

Sorry yabu. Why should she change it just because they are divorced.

ItWasNeverASkirt Wed 18-May-16 21:17:18

YABU, try and think about something more interesting cake

MrsSpecter Wed 18-May-16 21:17:21

Its not his surname. Its hers. She made it her name when she chose to change from her previous name. Its nothing to do with him. I'll bet there are plenty of people around the world with the same name.

BlueFolly Wed 18-May-16 21:17:23

I still have my ex's surname because I want the same surname as my child.

However I would not dream of asking him to fix my shelves. That's your problem there.

attheendoftheday Wed 18-May-16 21:17:41

She doesn't have his name, she has her own name. It just happens to be the same as his. He could change his if it's a big deal for you?

HerdofAntilop Wed 18-May-16 21:18:07

Get him to take your name if you marry?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Wed 18-May-16 21:18:15

Perhaps suggest he takes your surname when you marry?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Wed 18-May-16 21:18:38

So you think she should revert to being Ms Maidenname instead of Mrs Hisname, even though her children all have the surname Hisname?

There are some reasons to object to Wife number one, but her surname isn't one of them

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