To be upset with my DH

(4 Posts)
FleshEmoji Wed 18-May-16 21:08:52

My father fractured his hip 3 weeks ago and has been staying with us for a week while he recovers. The same week, I started a new job - small company, working from home, but with quite a lot of stress about a technology we're using that will become obsolete and that I need to replace. My DH is out of the house for almost 12 hours a day, I'm at home 24 hours a day. My DF needs support - anything from understandable (urine bottle emptying, meals, drinks, washes, helping to the loo) to a little less so (debugging wifi printing on his ancient Vista laptop). This has led me to stress that I'm not doing enough at work.

This weekend there's a long (predating fracture) arrangement that my husband's friend will stay Saturday night before a local triathlon on Sunday. However the silly fool burnt his foot at a barbecue(!) and I found out tonight that he and my husband are planning a cycle (just an hour, he assures me) on Sunday. AIBU to think he should have been offering me some time alone, rather than taking more himself? Fully prepared for you to say yes - we've just " discussed" it and he thinks I'm totally unreasonable.

Energumene Wed 18-May-16 21:19:33

Chances are that because you WFH and he's not there to see how much time you're spending looking after your dad while still trying to work that it never even occurred to him you needed the break. In the meantime, his mate is coming round, and cheering him up with a cycle to make up for the missed triathlon seems like the decent thing.

You would not BU to ask him to spend some time that day giving you a break. He is not BU to spend some of it with his friend either. If the cycle ride is just for an hour or so, there should be time for both of you to get what you want/need, surely?

FleshEmoji Wed 18-May-16 21:35:21

Yeah, you're right. And I'm pretty sure I could ask for that as a tit for tat. It was him just taking more time for himself rather than recognising that I needed more time too that upset me. If he'd said "I'd like to cycle with friend, but realise you've had all the responsibility all week - how about you go for a long walk in the morning while we cook lunch and then me & mate'll go out in the afternoon", I'd have felt better. I just felt he hadn't given me & the situation any thought when he decided on the cycle. And I know I'm super stressed so probably overreacting. I'm not a natural nurse by any means, and my father's not always the easiest patient. I very much like being able to do my own thing, hence the working from home. Since he's moved in I've not really had more than 4 hours sleep - getting quite anxious.

Energumene Wed 18-May-16 22:20:30

flowers there have been times I've been madly stressed trying to keep everything together while DH sails blithely through and then wonders why I fly off the handle for some apparently minor infraction. When we eventually clear the air, his usual response is to ask why I didn't just ask for help instead of hoping he'd read my mind.

In fairness, with situations reversed, he would definitely have asked me. But it would be nice not to have to spell it out every single time. Let him know how stressed you are and how little you've been sleeping. He'll probably kick himself for being so clueless, if he's anything like mine.

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