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AIBU?

Another wedding one (no kids)

152 replies

upontheroof66 · 18/05/2016 20:56

Niece is getting married in September. They live about 200 miles away so we will have to stay over at least one night. We have 3dds and they are not invited.
Now I know it's up to them who they invite but aibu to be abit disappointed.
Arranging childcare will be a nightmare as my do has no family who can help.

OP posts:

Report

upontheroof66 · 18/05/2016 20:57

Dh not do. Auto-correct

OP posts:

Lilaclily · 18/05/2016 20:58

Politely decline
It's an invitation not a summons is oft said on these threads

upontheroof66 · 18/05/2016 21:00

Very true but I just love weddings. As much as anything it's a great opportunity to meet up with family as we live all over the country.

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upontheroof66 · 18/05/2016 21:03

I suppose I could just go on my own.

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Twooter · 18/05/2016 21:04

That's what I would do.

MrsHathaway · 18/05/2016 21:05

Inviting your aunt and uncle is pretty standard for a wedding but inviting child cousins is ... well, I invited mine but they weren't little children and we didn't invite the young ones on DH's side.

Are they old enough to have sleepovers with friends?

I far more enjoy weddings without my children than with but they are a handful.

If you go on your own, you will presumably be surrounded by family and have a glorious time. Sounds great! Is it local to family so you could stay with them? One house guest is far easier to accommodate than five.

Zaurak · 18/05/2016 21:06

Politely decline. It's her wedding and she chooses who goes. And you choose whether or not to attend.

We had no kids at ours ( exceptions for babes in arms.) it was a small do and if we'd have invited people's kids we'd have had to have cut the guest list by 2/3.

If you do want to go, talk to the other guests and bride and groom. I've been to weddings where guests arranged a few childcare workers and took over a family room at the hotel, or a local church hall

upontheroof66 · 18/05/2016 21:11

I think the problem is that my DC are the only children on both sides so I guess kids aren't on the radar.
One is old enough for a sleepover but the other two are not.
Sadly no family close enough to stay with but we can all stay at same hotel .

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 18/05/2016 21:11

Go on your own.

Lilaclily · 18/05/2016 21:13

I'd double check with your neice but I'd tell her if they can't come e you're happy to come alone

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 18/05/2016 21:20

Yes, double check with your niece then if it's a definite no to the children, go on your own. Or go on your own anyway.

MrsHathaway · 18/05/2016 21:25

If they're the only children then they'd be bored rigid there anyway.

Go on your own! Wear shoes you can dance in.

manicinsomniac · 18/05/2016 21:43

Are your daughters just not mentioned on the invite or are they specifically not invited? If the former you could ask you niece if there's any chance they can come.

If she says no I'd go on your own, definitely.

serin · 18/05/2016 21:47

We had this situation once, took the three DC with us, stayed in a hotel and hired a nanny to play with/entertain the kids on the day. They had a great time.

I am surprised that there aren't more business ventures offering services like this. We found out nanny through an agency.

lastqueenofscotland · 18/05/2016 22:19

Do not ask your neice!! I know so many people who would feel put on the spot by that question and agree, it's about her/her dp, not your children. Decline or arrange childcare.

upontheroof66 · 18/05/2016 22:34

Thanks for replies. Plenty to think about

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Only1scoop · 18/05/2016 22:40

Maybe go on your own or take a friend if your DH is staying with your DC at home?

PurpleDaisies · 18/05/2016 22:44

Not unreasonable to feel disappointed. I'd go alone since there would be lots of family going.

PurpleDaisies · 18/05/2016 22:44

I agree it wouldn't be on to ask your niece if your children are invited.

NicknameUsed · 18/05/2016 22:47

I would go on my own. My family is scattered and I love an opportunity to meet up.

Lazyafternoon · 18/05/2016 23:03

It's a hot topic the kids/ no kids wedding thing!

We had no kids apart from our nieces. We didn't have kids of our own at the time and wanted our wedding to be a grown up party, with lots of drinking, dancing and late night. DH relatives all have huge families If we had invited all the kids as well it wouldn't have been the same kind of do. Half the guests would have had to have left at bedtime. We would only have been able to have invited half the number of friends we wanted as kids counted towards the venue capacity and not space for everyone!

We spoke personally to our closest friends who we really wanted to be there and thought might have childcare issues, to explain our decision. They were all very understanding and respected our decision and actually enjoyed the opportunity to have a child free evening. One couple hired a nanny for the weekend - a massive expense we never expected of them, but they decided to use our wedding as an excuse to treat themselves to a weekend away from the kids with good friends! Although some people (slightly more distant friends/relatives) declined the invite based on us not inviting their children, TBH they were people who it'd been nice to see but weren't top priority guests

Although there are many reasons why guests feel 'disappointed' with their wedding invites - too far away, awkward location, expensive accommodation, a weekday, a bank holiday, already booked something that day..... or no kids.

So if you feel you can't make it without kids politely decline. If you feel you need to then say it's due to childcare, but DON'T ask the couple if you can bring the kids!!! That's basically asking for 3 more invites - and asking them to change the dynamics of the day, especially if no other kids. You might want your girls there and like a family do but they have decided not to invite them. Don't get worked up over it.

IcingandSlicing · 18/05/2016 23:03

I have always thought that invitations like that - parents but not kids, abroad but during the week, etc. is a concealed way to invite the people but actually not really wanting them on the wedding.
I can't even imagine inviting people with kids without their kids. What are the kdis going to do? Look after themselves while mum and dad are away?
I would have sent them a reply that we would have loved to come but the childcare is tricky. Pass the ball in their court.

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IcingandSlicing · 18/05/2016 23:05

Oh I'v pe just read lazyafternoon's post. Ok, it makes sense if they want to have angrown up party. Then just decline politely.

upontheroof66 · 19/05/2016 07:09

Hadn't thought of that lazy TBH my plan was always for dh to take girls back to hotel after meal.
Think I will suggest to dh that I go it alone.

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TheNaze73 · 19/05/2016 08:01

If you love weddings, go on your own & letter DH look after the children. Think everyone wins that way

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