AIBU To Worry About Centaurs?

(126 Posts)
TiggyD Wed 18-May-16 19:09:18

If they've got the bodies of horses, presumably they'll need to eat like horses? But will the human end enjoy eating tons of hay and oats and apples and polos? And the quantity of food through a little human mouth will be an issue. And the there's the poo. If they eat horse food, fine. Horse poo is dry and comes out the bum in dry lump, but if the centaur eats human food, sausage-egg-n-chips etc, the poo will be more human won't it? Bit more splatty and sticky? How will they wipe their bums? Their horse parts are long and their arms won't reach. (In the photos I've seen).
And then there's genitals. They'll need to cover them up, especially the males who'll have enormous winkles. But how do you put trousers on their horse areas? Would they cover the rear end and rear legs? Or would they come up from the ground on the front AND rear legs. And do you go under the tail or over and leave a tail hole? And how will the get them on? It's the little arms again.
I believe they have as much right to exist as the next mythical being, but are we prepared for them in this country?

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 18-May-16 19:12:14

I like polos and oats and I'm a person. <helpful>

BerylMeeps Wed 18-May-16 19:14:05

I love this. Waiting with interest for horsey types to come and educate us 😆

iklboo Wed 18-May-16 19:14:10

I've kind of got a thing for centaurs blush

Shallishanti Wed 18-May-16 19:14:52

I'm sure I read a whole long explanation about this somewhere but I can't remember where....

iklboo Wed 18-May-16 19:15:03

And werewolves.......

TrinityForce Wed 18-May-16 19:17:05

Maybe they once existed but were driven to extinction by the compatibility with life issues you mentioned.

TiggyD Wed 18-May-16 19:19:35

I think centaurs would require grooms to look after them all the time, dress them, and wipe rude parts when needed. Skirts and kilts would work better than trousers.

Then there's the whole accessibility thing of needing bigger lifts and more Parent/Child/Foals parking spaces.

iklboo Wed 18-May-16 19:20:02

There's this dapper chap.....

LionRichie Wed 18-May-16 19:20:04

Can a baby centaur hold its head up or are their necks as useless and rubbish as human baby necks? I find this thought very distressing in addition to the excellent points you make in your op.

JasperDamerel Wed 18-May-16 19:20:31

I'm fairly certain that they don't cover up their gigantic centaur penises.

MadamDeathstare Wed 18-May-16 19:20:52

Based on 'Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief' centaur bodies are shrinkable to the point of being able to fit into a wheelchair and be covered up with a handy blanket, expanding later so they can gallop along the side of a river. Maybe they shrink up like a concertina to use the toilet and toilet roll and then stretch out again like a slinky to gallop all over the place.

TiggyD Wed 18-May-16 19:21:45

This sort of chap Ikypoo?

TwoLeftSocks Wed 18-May-16 19:25:39

Or maybe they still live somewhere but no-one ever hears about it after they shoot any one who asks all the awkward questions.

I suspect they're on the Isle of Wight and there's a national cover up.

MrsUnderwood Wed 18-May-16 19:25:46

I have similar issues with mermaids.
Do they give birth to live young or does the female lay a clutch of eggs which the male later fertilises?

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 18-May-16 19:26:32

Mermaids have got to be eggs, surely. I'm realizing no more work will be done today.

FlyingElbows Wed 18-May-16 19:30:16

None of my boy horses feel the need to wear trousers to hide their winkies. Nature gave them built in pants to tuck it away in.

MrsUnderwood Wed 18-May-16 19:34:12

MrsP, I guess it would be eggs if the bottom half is a fish as opposed to a seal or dolphin. But if the bottom half is a fish, then are they mammals or fish?

Fluffywuffyunicorn Wed 18-May-16 19:35:55

lionrichie

MistressMerryWeather Wed 18-May-16 19:36:44

Definitely eggs Terry. grin

MyDobbygotgivenasock Wed 18-May-16 19:44:58

Except - there's two stomachs. The human cuts off around the lower intestinal area (give or take) and the horse parts start at the end of the oesophagus and trachea.
It just doesn't work, your horse bits will wither away and die approximately 4 minutes after materialisation because of the poo/lungs no air/no food issue.
I'm afraid I scoff at your Centaurs and remain firmly in the Satyr camp. Sensible equine-human hybrids for sensible people. See also: Fauns for the goatily inclined.

So yes, absolutely worry that Centaurs can't possibly work. If you're worried about modesty then Satyrs are not your go to blokes really but I think a compromise could be reached with a roomy pair of dungarees. Fauns of course already have built in trousers so are company ready at all times... If you don't mind nipples. A nice pair of hoof covers, or maybe invest in some rugs for entertaining, and even the most expensive floor will be safe. Satyrs and Fauns are the way, I'm telling you.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 18-May-16 20:19:53

Bleaugh for eggs. Maybe mermaids are a monotreme, like a platypus.

HoneyDragon Wed 18-May-16 20:22:40

Darling Tiggy. I saw the title and knew it was you grin

Elledouble Wed 18-May-16 20:23:53

In Narnia, centaurs have a horse stomach and a human stomach and it's considered a very serious thing to invite one over for a meal (I'm paraphrasing, CS Lewis says it better than I!).

JapaneseSlipper Wed 18-May-16 20:24:39

YANBU, I realise now that we should be worried about them.

A horse has four legs and a neck and then a head. But a centaur... where the neck should be, there's a whole extra upper body. That means there are 6 limbs, not 4. And all the other extra upper body things, like nipples, that are already accounted for in the horse part.

TOO MANY LIMBS AND NIPPLES

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