Am I being unreasonable to want our house guest to get up before 10am?(89 Posts)
We are a family of 5. 2 of us work at home. 1 dd is home schooled and has GCSE's starting next week. Other 2 dc at school. a 30 yr old Aussie friend has moved over to the UK on a 2 yr working visa. She has been with us 8 days so far, and the arrangement is she is staying until she finds work and accommodation in London. So far she has made no efforts to do either ( but jet lag - so fair enough). However - she is sleeping in the room which has our family computer, my work desk etc, on a fold up sofa bed. I've told her that i usually start work at 9am. She hasn't got up before 10.15 yet. Do I just need to suck it up or do I say something to her ? It sounds like a little thing, but life if fairly stretched and strained already and not being able to work except with my laptop on my knee is feeling a bit annoying. How would you handle it ?
Oh, say something!
If it were me, because I am not keen on confrontation, I'd develop a sudden new need to work at 9am and say briskly 'so, from tomorrow, I will be needing the computer at 9 for [important thing], do hope you're getting over the jetlag, I've made sure the kids will let you in the shower at 8. Do you want a wake-up call earlier, or then?'
You sound as if you're being a kind host when you don't have much spare space, so she should be more considerate.
It doesn't sound like a little thing to me. You're being very generous letting her stay. I'd understand being jet lagged for a couple of days and perhaps sleeping in. But a week later?
Could you move her to the living room? I don't think she'd want to sleep in as much as they're be people moving around and making noise. And if she does sleep in at least you can get on with your work in the study.
Go in at 8:55, open the curtains and say you have to start work - 'office' hours are 9 to 5.
youre being kind enough to let her stay, she needs to live by the rules of the house, if she doesn't like it she can go elsewhere!
Another polite word, before you get really cross? YANBU, and she has ignored your House Rules so far. If you need another word after that, it needs to be a bit harsher. The house can't run to its routine whilst she is laid in bed! Does she need to go to bed earlier?
Say something. She's inconveniencing you and your family, when you are helping her out. I hope she's helping with chores or doing something else to repay you?
I'd take her a cup of tea...give her a few minutes with it then say you need the office. It's understandable that she's tired but you need to use the room.
Y were BU to allow a guest to use working space on an unlimited basis. The very idea of "until she finds work/accommodation" leaves it open-ended from her view so YABU to moan now.
On the other hand, I'm amazed that a 30 year-old person can't sort these things out from the Au end. When I clicked on this thread, I thought it was some gap year teen drop kick.
"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days." - Benjamin Franklin
My poor mum once allowed a 'quick stay' like this - 8 MONTHS later he finally left!! 8 months!!
Sorry, just saw you start work at 9.00. Tell her once more, making it clear that this doesn't mean her shuffling off and sleeping on the sofa, but being up and out and about. Then bustle in.
Oh, and as a seasoned Au>UK traveller, the fuck-up happens when you get to Au, not the other way around.
YANBU to need your office and you are being remarkably generous to let her stay. YABU not to knock on door at 8.30 and say 'sorry to wake you but I need to be in here at 9.00 so you will need to move to the living room'.
I would definitely make sure she knows that she is staying in the room that is your working space, and that you work from 9am. 8 days is plenty of time to catch up on jet lag, even from that far afield. Have a chat today so that you have things sorted for tomorrow morning.
Yes, tell her you need the room from 9 am, so she needs to be up and out of it, with the room tidy by five to nine. That's fair enough.
I don't say this often, promise, but why on earth have you started a thread about this?
Who is going to say yabu? Are you hoping a Mumsnetter will appear at your house and talk to her for you?
"" I've told her that i usually start work at 9am""
Change that to "I need to start work at 9". She's had a weeks holiday and needs to get back into a work timetable, if it isn't convenient, then she needs to go into a house share, we're she'll probably get less sleep.
thanks all. I am slightly cowardly / a bit overwhelmed with life including mother in law being admitted to hospital last night - so I just sent my 16 yr old in with a cup of tea for her. apparently that woke her up ! My daughter has told her that I need the room now. I will speak to her later today about timings. I think you are probably right that she needs to go to bed earlier. Will suggest that to her as well.
I was coming in to say yabvu but in your situation I would be quite firm about needing your office from 9.
Just sit get down today after she's had some coffee and tell her that from tomorrow you will need her to be out of the room from 8.45.
This might also encourage her to find permanent accommodation and a job. You can find both through gumtree within a week.
Well you're nicer than me. I'd have been knocking in the study door at 8:30am with a cup of tea and a bright reminder that the room was required from 9am.
You might find that helps 'encourage' your guests job and accomodation hunt.
She obviously has a brass neck if she has stayed in bed until gone 10 when you said you needed the room at 9.
You get her up at 8am because she needs to be up, dressed, room tidied ready for you to start work at 9am. No apologies or pussy footing around from you. Maybe have a little laugh at her for "forgetting" to stick to her side of the deal. Make sure you ask her to do some housework.
You need to give her a deadline. She's obviously in no hurry to leave or to be considerate of you.
How long are you willing to put her up? How long did you think it would be when you made the offer?
Are you working in there now? Is she up? Apologetic?
bibbitybobbityhat I guess I really wasn't sure if this was unreasonable or not. I know if I was a guest somewhere else I wouldn't behave like that, but because of the way she is behaving ( and previously I'd found her to be a very reasonable person), I thought maybe I was being a bit uptight
echt Oh, and as a seasoned Au>UK traveller, the fuck-up happens when you get to Au, not the other way around.
I know that's what's supposed to happen, but as a seasoned traveller myself I always find it harder the other way. Personally I find going to bed earlier than my body clock expects, when tired after a long journey/preparations, is much easier than suddenly going to bed much later. Although it basically results in a messed up body clock for a bit where I find myself wanting to drop off at unusual times and struggle to wake up whatever the time... and that's for 8hrs time difference, not 12+!
I think Robin's idea is the best - maybe take her a cup of tea the next day at 8.30/45 too. Also ask how looking for work is going/what's she planning to do too to get the lie of the land.
I think giving her your office to sleep in was a big mistake, but you probably know that now!
No, YANBU. She doesn't get to lie around in bed all morning when it disrupts your family routine and gets in the way of your job. Speak to her firmly - you need that room from 9am to work. If she can't
be arsed manage to get up by that time, then she needs to find somewhere else to stay by the weekend. It's not fair on you or your family.
I had an English relative stay with me (I live abroad) and she...a the age of 28 did NOTHING around the house but ate all the meals I cooked and never said thank you.
She lent me a pair of trousers towards the end of her stay and I said I'd post them back (cheap pants from New Look)
I forgot and she sent me a snippy email about it.
I posted them back with no note. Couldn't believe it!
It's slightly tricky though, because making her get up at around 8am (which for me is realistically when I would need to be awake to have a shower / wash hair / get dressed / makeup etc to be out of a room by 9) is quite early when she doesn't need to be at work. On the one hand, she is staying for free and you are being very generous. On the other hand, if it wasn't made clear to her that the basis of her staying is that she would need to be up at around 8am, I think it is a slightly delicate thing to raise! Personally I would want to find alternative accommodation rather than be made to get up at a certain time.
So while I think you should definitely raise it with her by telling her that you need the room clear by 9am, I just think you may need to be a bit sensitive to the fact that this might mean she wants to find somewhere else to stay and it isn't what she was expecting as a house guest. Absolutely no criticism of you at all - just trying to see things slightly from her perspective.
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