To just want to scream! I have had enough!

(11 Posts)
LivinLaVidaLoki Tue 17-May-16 16:01:37

Ok so I havent posted about this in a while, but, my mum has stage 4 metastatic lung cancer.

She started her first line of chemo in September last year, but after an MRI she was told that it wasnt working, so she started her second line of chemo in January and again was told that it wasnt working. So, her consultant had said that she could go on to a drug trial for immunotherapy drugs that have really positive results in late stage cancer. This was in April.

Well, my mum has been to the hospital to see the drug trial doctor woman today and they have told her she might not be eligible for the drug trial after all.

Her consultant said that she is exactly what they are looking for but they now want further tests before they decide, so that’s another few weeks, meaning it will have been 2 months with her cancer being completely untreated (last time it was untreated for about 6 weeks between chemo's it had spread).

She understands that she cant go back to the chemo she was having before as that wasn’t doing anything and so now I think she is very afraid that if this doesn’t pan out, she is going to die.

I tried my best to be positive and make all the right noises and say all the right stuff, but to be honest I just feel so fucking angry. Im not even sure why its anger that I am feeling I just feel unexplainably mad. I am sick to death of bad news, of being given hope and then having it taken away.

rombri Tue 17-May-16 16:06:40

That's horrendous and terrifying and almost seems cruel. I am so sorry you and your mum are going through this. I think your anger and frustration are totally justified. I'd be distraught.

Valentine2 Tue 17-May-16 16:11:57

This sounds incredibly tough for both of you and your family. I really hope you find the strength to stay strong my for her. Holding hands

Olddear Tue 17-May-16 16:17:32

I've been where you are today. I understand everything you're going through. I can't offer anything but my sympathy to you and your mum.

Ifailed Tue 17-May-16 16:22:37

LivinLaVidaLoki
This wouldn't be Guy's hospital? Had something similar last year with my DP.

I know what you are going through, can only send you my best wishes to you are your mum.
flowers

LivinLaVidaLoki Tue 17-May-16 16:24:16

Thanks everyone, sometimes it just helps to get it out.

It does feel cruel Rombri

No, its not Guys Ifailed

Goodmum1234 Tue 17-May-16 16:59:23

Nothing to say except I'm so sorry your mum and you are going through this

LivinLaVidaLoki Tue 17-May-16 20:25:24

Thank you x I think I just needed to vent.

TwentyCupsOfTea Tue 17-May-16 20:28:27

Vent away. You sound like an amazing supportive daughter; it must be horrible to have this bad news but just know that being there for your mum will be helping her so much. flowers

Babyroobs Tue 17-May-16 21:12:42

It must be really hard for you both. I think the thing is with trials, you have to meet strict criteria and even then you may not be selected for the actual drug, you could get a placebo instead. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you when time is slipping away. I hope somrthing gets sorted soon and that your mum does not lose hope.

Thankfulforeveryday Tue 17-May-16 21:37:09

I get it. I'm in a similar position to your mum but with cervical instead. I currently have no treatment plan as there is nothing left, like your mum. My tumours grew in my last chemo too. However awful it is I can give you what may be a glimmer of hope, since I've had nothing done its massively slowed in its growth and I'm doing far better than they ever imagined.
It's hard to accept that you have maybe just reached the palliative care stage, no one wants to have to accept that your running out of options. It's bloody hard. But to be frank, I've been ill for a good few years, I've had every treatment under the sun, and as much as it pains me to say, I've reached a stage where I have had enough. I want to die gracefully and not being prodded and made to feel worse to give me just a few more months, it was hard to admit this to my family and made a few angry, but it maybe how your mum is feeling too, I may be wrong. Maybe speaking to someone about how it feels will help, it helped me a lot just to vent if nothing else.
It's a cruel unfair world at times I have to agree. Just be their for her, it's all you can do really. I'm so sorry for what you are going through flowers

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