To not tell DD's dad about DD's daycare Spring Celebration

(9 Posts)
Natsku Tue 17-May-16 13:04:07

I have no idea if he'd even turn up if I did tell him about it but if he does he might try and argue with me in front of DD and all the children there as I stopped DD's visits to him (on the advice of child protection, not because I'm a bitch or anything) and he is angry about that. He has form for getting out of control when he is angry (shouting, swearing etc.) and has done so at a daycare meeting before.

I don't think DD (5yrs old) will be fussed about him not being there, she is unhappy about him since the last time she saw him and refuses to speak to him on the phone except for a brief hello. He hasn't bothered to come here to see her since the last visit either even though he is allowed to.

But on the other hand he is her dad, and it does feel unreasonable to exclude him from big events like this, but he is very unwell mental health-wise and in denial about it so he doesn't stick to his treatment which means he is rather unpredictable.

BrickInTheWall Tue 17-May-16 13:08:30

If he doesnt have visitation with her then surely it will be confusing for her if he turns up at a daycare event?
In any case I would say its his responsibility to find out when stuff is on if he wants to come to it. I have lost count of the number of times my ex has moaned that hes missed something that DD is doing at school but Ive sent him the link for the school website which includes a calendar of events. Its not my problem he never bloody checks it!

BrickInTheWall Tue 17-May-16 13:09:46

Oh and I meant to add if Child protection have advised you to stop visits surely that includes invites to things like this?!

Natsku Tue 17-May-16 13:17:00

Its only visits at his house that are stopped. They have advised daytime visits in my town instead as its not a case of him being a danger to her generally, just that he's not capable of looking after her at home.

Making it his responsibility to find out when stuff is on sounds right for the future (when she's at school) at least but there's no easy way to find out about daycare events as I only find out about them from signs stuck on the door as there's no website.

Dizzydodo Tue 17-May-16 13:17:01

Is a spring celebration a big event?

Natsku Tue 17-May-16 13:18:53

Yeah its basically the end of year party, with the children putting on a show with singing and dancing and whatnot.

Lovewineandchocs Tue 17-May-16 14:16:14

If he has form for shouting, swearing etc and is likely to spoil it for your DD I definitely wouldn't tell him about it! I'm sure you want the day to be special and exciting for her and don't need to be dealing with the worry that he will turn up and kick off.

coco1810 Tue 17-May-16 14:44:07

YANBU, at the end of the day if he can not control his behaviour you have to consider not only your daughter but the other children who would be there. I would not be impressed if someone kicked off at an event in front of my DD. It sounds like your daughter already has clocked he's a knob! Enjoy your day with DD x

Natsku Tue 17-May-16 18:31:29

Thanks, was hoping I wasn't being unreasonable as I really don't want him there!

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