To feel a bit uncomfortable with new potential friend?

(83 Posts)
orangetupperware Tue 17-May-16 09:26:45

Met someone briefly last week at a local group. She got in contact through FB saying it was nice to meet me and I replied in kind. Then she messaged me and said would I like to meet for coffee. OK, fine I said and arranged to meet her this week in a local cafe close to work (I can bob out for half an hour or so). All fine. Sent me a few messages about nothing in particular, I replied to a few then let them tail off (I have a young family and do not have time to spend on my phone messaging every five minutes.

This morning she has requested my telephone number in case she needs to contact me if she is late for our coffee date later in the week. Fine. Now she has texted me asking if I want to meet today as she 'needs to get out the house'. WTF? Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is way too much too soon? I know she has just moved to the area, but surely she can find something else to do instead of bothering me. I am of the slowly slowly school of friendship. She's not young either. Should I be running for the hills as I already feel pressured?
I don't know yet what we have in common or if I want to be friends with her and this is all very offputting.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 17-May-16 09:28:44

You get to dictate the pace too smile

Just message saying not today, busy x

Do the friendship at a pace that's comfortable for you - neither of you are doing anything wrong

RhodaBull Tue 17-May-16 09:29:49

She does sound a bit eager. I'd reply saying you can't make today, but still want to do Thursday, or whatever. She may turn out to be a good friend, but let your spider sense dictate how you proceed because the last thing anyone wants is a needy person who you feel obliged to see far too often.

Kitty3E Tue 17-May-16 09:30:15

She sounds lonely, give her a chance if she acts like a weirdo after then you will know

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Tue 17-May-16 09:30:39

Oh dear. A tough one. She might be a little socially unsophisticated and full on, she might be lonely or you might be so awesome she is bowled over by you.
My advice though is if you are uncomfortable back off now.

EssentialHummus Tue 17-May-16 09:31:22

Seems a bit full-on, whether she's desperately lonely and wanting a chat or veering into overbearing BFF forever territory. I'd reply along the lines of, sorry, can't make it, see you on Friday for coffee. If you get more of the same from her you may want to plan an exit from the friendship.

orangetupperware Tue 17-May-16 09:32:16

My spider sense is tingling greatly to be honest. I hate being pushed into things but am terribly British and Polite which makes it hard for me to put my foot down. Gah! I just don't want to become a crutch for someone but I don't want to be rude. Just messaged her and said I have a deadline and am working fulltime at the moment. Will have to emphasise how busy I am when we meet up.

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 17-May-16 09:32:45

I'd probably be backing off. It would be a but full on for me.

orangetupperware Tue 17-May-16 09:34:26

I am very awesome he he he. But I think it might also be a cultural difference as she is not British. See if you can guess the country?

Right, planning my exit strategy right now. My children get sick quite often, you know.

orangetupperware Tue 17-May-16 09:37:19

And thank you for confirming I was not being unreasonable in feeling a tad uncomfortable.

LizKeen Tue 17-May-16 09:39:35

I don't think she sounds eager or full on. She wants to make a friend, and what is wrong with that? You have messaged back, agreed to meet up. She is not a mind reader, how is she to know how you feel?

You admit that you like the slowly slowly friendships, that is fine, but that is your preference and it doesn't mean she is wrong, just different from you.

Take it at your pace, as a PP says. If she then continues to try to quicken the pace despite clear signals from you that it is too much, then back off and call her full on.

KittyAndMimi Tue 17-May-16 09:42:20

It sounds like she is just bit bored and wants to get out the house.

newdocket Tue 17-May-16 09:44:34

I don't think she's doing anything wrong at all, she sounds lonely. That said, if you don't feel comfortable with it just text back saying you're busy.

chesarasara Tue 17-May-16 09:46:40

Are you sure she isn't involved with one of those MLM scams like forever living and wants to sign you up to her 'business opportunity'?

Scarydinosaurs Tue 17-May-16 09:49:07

She sounds like someone who really needs a friend. Not always about being a 'crutch' she might just really enjoy your company and want to see you?

I don't think she's done anything 'wrong'.

HouseOfBiscuits Tue 17-May-16 09:51:06

She enjoys your company and is pleased to have found a new friend. There's nothing wrong with people wanting to meet up regularly, but personally I'd find it too much. Different people expect different things from a friendship and some people who are perfectly nice might just not have the same way of seeing things.

orangetupperware Tue 17-May-16 09:51:30

She's on to a loser if that's the case chesarasara, I don't have time for anything. Will meet her for coffee later this week and see how the land lies. I really don't know anything much about her but thought a coffee couldn't do any harm. Plus I like to have a wide circle of people I know (but not necessarily having that many close friends). Maybe it's just me, I'm a contradiction, really outgoing but actually quite introvert which must be confusing for others!

ricketytickety Tue 17-May-16 09:53:18

Introduce her to someone you know who is similar eg texting/chatting a lot when you meet up.

Chalalala Tue 17-May-16 09:53:55

if she's not British I would give the benefit of the doubt, social relations and friendship-building can be very culture-specific, and she may be misreading your British politeness

no idea about the country but I'm curious now grin

orangetupperware Tue 17-May-16 09:53:58

Fabulous idea ricketytickety.

Blimmincheek Tue 17-May-16 09:54:22

'But I think it might also be a cultural difference as she is not British. See if you can guess the country? '

No, I can't guess the country confused

LizKeen Tue 17-May-16 09:55:05

Is it any wonder that so many people struggle to make friends (myself included) when there is such an air of suspicion around even the most mundane requests?

Kitty3E Tue 17-May-16 09:55:45

If it is making you uncomfortable don't go

orangetupperware Tue 17-May-16 09:55:51

Actually regretting posting inviting folks to guess the country, because that is lumping a whole lot of people together and saying they all behave the same. I have a few friends from this country already and I would say they are very different to each other, but as a group they have similar traits which are the opposite of the similar traits found in us Brits. I'm getting into a pc mess trying not to offend anyone here....

orangetupperware Tue 17-May-16 09:57:49

But that would be rude Kitty3E. And as LizKeen says, perhaps I am overly suspicious of a mundane request. Anyway, will stop now and see what the week brings.

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