Boys father advocating bullying of another child

(22 Posts)
Foofoobum Tue 17-May-16 00:08:37

I'm crap socially and don't always understand social interactions or how to approach difficult situations so would appreciate advice on this matter.

i don't know the full background to kids a & b fighting (neither are mine) but for basic background kid A is year 1 and a bit of a hulking bruiser who throws his weight around with his older sister (dd's friend)and kid b is a lanky, uncoordinated bespectacled generally quiet boy in year2, my daughters class. At the very start of the year both boys had a run in and both boys blamed the other. KidA's dad told him not to take any crap from kidB which is understandable when your child first starts school and has a run in with an older boy. However For the past 3 weeks KidA's dad has been encouraging him to punch kid B in the face when he drops him off and picks him up - saying things like get in there first and don't let him so much as look at you. I've watched the two interact in the playground in the mornings and they generally play ok but kidA is a bit of a shite and often kicks the ball at kidb's head knocking off his glasses while looking over to his dad for validation. My Dd says he does this during playtime sometimes too but that kidB just tells the teacher instead of getting into a fight. KidA would flatten this boy in a fight.

The teachers won't have heard KidA's dad pushing the boy into bullying kidB. I'm shocked at any parent advocating bullying especially so vocally in the playground and the bitching the dad does to any adult who'll listen about kidB is shocking bullying tactics - or maybe I'm naive and this is normal?

I've quizzed my daughter about how kidB treats/reacts to kidA but she says he's such a quiet boy he'd never start a fight and that they rarely play together except first thing in the morning when all the boys kick a ball.

Speaking to the dad about how inappropriate I think his behaviour is would be absolutely pointless but is it worth speaking to one of the teachers to tell them what boyA's dad is telling him to do? Aibu to get involved or should I just mind my own business?

fatmomma99 Tue 17-May-16 00:36:55

sorry, but it's a MYOB from me. Esp as it doesn't involved you DD at all. The school will become aware (maybe not as quickly as you) and will have to deal. In the meantime, just encourage your DD in other friendships and ignore. This is not your problem.

Others may not agree.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 17-May-16 00:43:49

No you don't MYOB when a child is being told to punch another child in the face. I'm sure you would want to know if it were your child, Momma.
You need an appointment with the school. This child needs safe guarding. I'd also be calling SS as well. If that's the environment the child comes where the answer is to punch everyone in the face, oh and I also think the police come into play as well. He's encouraging violence against a child. The disgusting man.

Oswin Tue 17-May-16 00:49:06

Tell the school. He's turning his son into a bully.

fiddlewifey Tue 17-May-16 00:51:45

You need to tell the school...

herecomethepotatoes Tue 17-May-16 01:07:50

Idntell the school. Just a quick email to give someone a heads up (head of keystage perhaps). Tell them you saw the deliberate ball kicking and whatever you heard the father say.

After that, don't get involved. I struggle to bite my tongue so there's a good chance I'd have said something to the father immediately.

LifeIsGoodish Tue 17-May-16 01:11:36

You tell the school. I was in similar situation, where another child let slip that mine was being teased for being nice to the child that 'everyone' dislikes. I found out a bit more from the other child, confirmed it with mine, then went and spoke to the class teacher. She was aware of the situation, but thanked me for my input as it helped to fill gaps in their information and indicate more relationships to monitor while trying to find a way to help the disliked child, as well as mine.

Foofoobum Tue 17-May-16 19:29:23

Thanks all. I made an appointment to speak with the deputy head about this. If it was just the two boys fighting I'd stay out but it's the father pushing his son to bully the other that makes me feel really uncomfortable. I won't be getting involved with talking to the father as he doesn't seem the type you can reason with and I don't want my daughter being the next target of his anger.

Who does that to a child?

MadamDeathstare Tue 17-May-16 19:34:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arfarfanarf Tue 17-May-16 20:11:58

You're doing the right thing. The father's behaviour is unacceptable and the school need to be aware.

Janecc Tue 17-May-16 20:18:06

Fantastic move Foofoo. This is overt adult on child bullying and very very serious. As it has been done in the school playground, the school must take this seriously and I would expect them to do far more than just monitor the situation.

NeverbuytheDailyMail Tue 17-May-16 20:19:57

Well done. It's so easy to look the other way when it doesn't involve your own children. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Foofoobum Tue 17-May-16 21:05:26

So I asked my mum and she thinks I need to keep out of it as he'll deny it and I'll look like "a mental woman" - she has a real fear of me doing autistic things in case it negatively impacts my daughter and constantly refers to me being labelled mad by the school or parents etc if I say I want to speak to someone about a situation such as this. Apparently by alerting the school to my observation I'll become the bad one in all this. But surely the school wouldn't approach him and say "oh Foofoobum said this about you" and I'm not the only parent to witness him saying this so even if they mentioned they'd had a complaint he wouldn't know who it was.

As an aside when I was in secondary school a teachers husband took a picture with my camera of another male teacher kissing a pupil in public while she sat on his knee. My mother now regrets many many years later not reporting the picture of entirely inappropriate behaviour and instead told me I had to keep my mouth shut and not rock the boat as I'd be the cause of his marriage ending (note it wasn't me in the photo and I'm sure the other person took the photo so that a parent would see what was going on and report it.) the point of this is that my mother has form for looking away...

Janecc Tue 17-May-16 21:38:07

shock yes as you say, she has form and yes shock.

Please be assured that unless the school is run by a total load of dicks, your complaint will be taken very seriously. You can specify that this is said in complete confidence in the case of it being taken further. The school has a code of conduct and cannot pass on specifics about what was said by an individual parent. Were they to do so, this would trigger a set complaints procedure, which the school can provide to you should you request it and will likely be detailed on the schools website. I don't know the specifics of this procedure and would definitely involve the head, I could imagine it going to the board of governors and if it is not an academy, and you were unsatisfied, you could also go to the LEA. Moreover, this would then be the school bullying you. No, I cannot see any conceivable way that this would happen.

How hot is the school on bullying?

Foofoobum Tue 17-May-16 21:41:17

Thanks Janecc - as far as I can tell the school are very proactive about ensuring everyone is included and that there's a nice, friendly, safe environment for the kids. We're in Scotland so we have the named person system up here which some seem to hate but in situations like this I think perhaps it's a good idea. The headteacher is the named person for everyone in her school. Thankfully we don't have academies up here.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 17-May-16 21:43:07

No the school will not or more to the point by law cannot say who gave them the information. Please do not worry about it.

Kitty3E Tue 17-May-16 21:47:57

He obviously has got into his head that his son is being bullied. Maybe he was bullied at school himself.

CodyKing Tue 17-May-16 21:54:06

Sorry but your mothers a disgrace! How dare anyone stand by and watch a child bully another - that looks like you approve of the bullying - at least to ChildB - in a full playground wondering why nobody's helping him?

He has the right to be safe at school and it you can get this father "banned " from the play ground - so much the better.

CodyKing Tue 17-May-16 21:54:53

And another thing - you won't be the first and I doubt you'll be the last - schools have a way of knowing who the problem parents are - and this will be in their radar already

Foofoobum Tue 17-May-16 22:02:03

Thank you CodyKing - I have made an appointment with the school already so can discuss it and request anonymity. I Couldn't bear knowing a parent was advocating bullying my child and no one did anything. I don't care what they think of me

TaliaTalksAlot84 Fri 20-May-16 00:50:27

I think you're being brilliant. The School will take it very seriously.
It really concerns me when we encounter parents like this.
Like others have said, they will probably have an idea of what's going on.
On behalf of the patents of the boy with glasses- thank you for trying to protect him smile

Foofoobum Fri 20-May-16 14:54:53

Thanks Talia. smile It does mean a lot to know I'm not the only person who thinks it's unacceptable. I've only told two people and both think I'm creating trouble

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