...to think £100 for a colleague's evening wedding is too much?

(82 Posts)
ChicagoBare Mon 16-May-16 23:29:19

In the past we've given £100-£150 for close friends where we've attended all day. This Saturday we're going to a colleague's (of mine) evening do and DH wrote a cheque for £100 to put in the card I bought which I think is too much. We can afford it, but I think it's more than 'normal' and would sooner give £50 or a bottle of nice champagne. DH thinks I'm being ridiculous as the bride's father (groom is my colleague but we know them both) is minted and wedding will have a free bar so we should pay our way. No travel or hotel to pay, bar a £20 taxi. Thoughts?

ErNope Mon 16-May-16 23:30:49

100 sounds fine to me, a little generous but not overly/weirdly so.

MintyChops Mon 16-May-16 23:30:54

Too much. £50 sounds much more appropriate. I'm not mean but £100 is OTT.

SaveSomeSpendSome Mon 16-May-16 23:31:00

I think £50 is plenty.

ADishBestEatenCold Mon 16-May-16 23:36:50

Just the evening do, but not ceremony or meal ... yes £50 or a bottle of champagne, is enough.

TurquoiseDress Mon 16-May-16 23:38:01

£50 sounds perfectly reasonable.

We went to a wedding abroad last year- paid for flights, hotels, car hire, petrol blah blah

I was astounded when I realised he'd made a cheque to them for 200 euros!! (about £120)

I literally was like what the actual fuck. We don't even see the couple socially on our own, just maybe a couple of times a year.
One half of the couple is one of DH's old work colleague.

For my own brother's wedding I gave £100 and that felt more than enough.

Can you tell I'm still peed off 1 year later?!grin

ParanoidGynodroid Mon 16-May-16 23:38:27

Golly, didn't you see the recent thread about giving £100 for ex-colleague?

It's not enough, apparently!

Actually, as you're not doing the full shebang and not close to the marrying couple I'd have thought £50 was more than generous.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 16-May-16 23:41:53

£100 is what we give.

Xmasbaby11 Mon 16-May-16 23:45:47

We give a gift worth £50. I haven't been to an evening do but would spend about 30. I didn't realise that was stingy. At our wedding most couples spent under 50. Evening guests about £10.

ChicagoBare Mon 16-May-16 23:55:07

If we have 3 drinks each, at posh wedding venue prices, that's approaching £45. And there will probably be some sort of evening food laid on. I think this is where DH is coming from.

Gwenhwyfar Mon 16-May-16 23:59:21

I must be the meanest person on mn. I gave 20 pounds when I attended the whole day 10 years ago. I had to pay for travel from abroad and hotel for one night.

Even if not travelling very far, I would never give 100.
Just realised most of you are talking about an amount between 2 people aren't you? So that would be 50 each, which makes more sense.

BackforGood Tue 17-May-16 00:07:31

£100 sounds a LOT to me, but I guess it depends on the circles you move in.
You say you would normally give £100 - £150 . Well, that's FAR more than I would give as a wedding present, so we're starting from a different perspective.
I have to say, in the dozens upon dozens (possibly into the hundreds) of weddings I've been to in my life, I've never come across a free bar, so again, it's clearly a different circle that you are moving in, so it's difficult for many of us to comment.

hippiedays Tue 17-May-16 00:21:10

I have only been to one (full day) wedding where there was a free bar. The bride and groom requested a donation to charity in lieu of the gift. We donated 150 pounds though most people didn't seem to donate (donations were online). We were very conscious about watching the number of drinks we had as we didn't want to take advantage. I think most people were the same as there was never anybody at the bar counter when we went to it!

I think if we were going to an evening reception I'd probably give 75 pounds.

GlitterGlassEye Tue 17-May-16 00:22:46

£50 here for family weddings. I did recently attend a good friends last minute wedding, I couldn't afford a decent 'cash' gift so gave them a set of Swarovski crystal glasses and bottle of champagne. Total was £25.

AHellOfABird Tue 17-May-16 00:29:43

Hang on, this cheque hasn't been cashed?

Cancel it!

ChicagoBare Tue 17-May-16 00:55:36

No no, not been cashed. Wedding not til Sat. Just wondering if the amount is reasonable.

FibbyMcFibFace Tue 17-May-16 01:02:48

I think either £50 or £100 would be fine.

...... So, how about £75?

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 17-May-16 01:03:46

The entire point of hosting guests at a wedding is you host them.

A gift is not meant to cover the cost of doing so.

Your DH is being tacky

nooka Tue 17-May-16 01:20:09

I'd usually give more money to couples I knew were short of money, so the idea of giving more to those that are minted seems a bit weird. It's the host's choice to have a free bar, that doesn't mean the guests have to chip in more.

Bogeyface Tue 17-May-16 01:27:25

£50 would be a day invite gift, £30 for evening only.

We got £10 from a lot of our guests (asked for B&Q vouchers for the house) who got a full day invite.

ShanghaiDiva Tue 17-May-16 01:40:16

I think the evening/all day thing is a red herring. 50 for a colleague is a generous gift, particularly if you give a bottle of champagne too.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab Tue 17-May-16 02:10:21

If you can afford it then £100 is fine. It is going to the newly married couple not the FOTB.

MadamDeathstare Tue 17-May-16 02:31:43

NeedsASock is correct, the concept that the gift must cover the cost of eating and drinking at the reception is crass when it comes from the hosts, and misguided (but kindly misguided) when it comes from the guest. The hosts' concern should be having a reception that suits taste, their budget and their guests' needs without the guests being expected to fund it.

What is your DH going to do if you get invited to a $100,000 wedding and are two of 200 guests? Give a $1,000 value gift?

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom Tue 17-May-16 06:11:48

£100 seems very generous as a gift to someone you're not that close to, unless you're minted. Very nice if you can afford it though.

SpaghettiMeatballs Tue 17-May-16 06:32:31

I would give £50 for an evening party.

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