To Express so that DP can feed sometimes(30 Posts)
I'm only 23 weeks at this point with my first, and fully intend to breast feed, my mum EBF all 5 of us and my sister has with her 3 so not worried about support or anything.
DP has expressed some disappointment at not being able to feed baby and has asked if i could maybe express enough to do 1 night feed per day, my sister has already offered a hand pump that she bought that she only used a few times and I thought I would have a go and see how i get on. We are looking for a breast shaped bottle and DP's sister has offered a steriliser.
When I mentioned this to my mother she said this was selfish! She went into a lot of reasons to do with how difficult it is to pump and how it's not fair to baby to make it drink from a bottle and its not sterile anymore because it has to go into a bottle and how difficult it is to store the milk and saying it would interfere with supply if i pump so i would start producing less. She has a history of objecting to DP's ideas and he has had to give way with some other things he wanted, so i'm not sure if she is being unresonable because of her dislike of DP or if she is having valid objections.
It's a fantastic idea. It mean you can have a lie in at some point! The odd bottle is not going to affect your supply.
Also, everyone and their granny is going to have an opinion on how you feed your baby but when it comes down to it, it's no ones business but yours.
Unfortunately, not all babies are willing to take a bottle (as I found out - five months without a bloody lie-in!).
OMG I read the title and thought you were expressing so DP could drink it
Yanbu. Your mum is being a bit ott. See how it goes to be honest. It's great your dp wants to do this. It can be an additional challenge to express and it could potentially increase your milk flow. Try with the hand pump but you may find ot a faff. I have a medela electric pump which is ace.
Suggest you concentrate on establishing bfing first and introduce a dummy early on so babe gets used to a differnt texture. Then try a bottle.
Absolutely express if you want! Just wanted to say that the importance of feeding as a way of bonding with the baby seems to be massively hyped before it arrives, and then you discover there are so many other ways (burping is useful). So if you only get a measly 10ml the first time, it will be fine anyway.
Slllooowww down. You are 23 weeks. No baby yet, no idea how the baby will fed or whether you'll get a Klingon or a pass-around baby. No idea if you'll have pints of milk to spare , whether pumping works for you and how everyone will bond. Just make some decisions when the baby is here.
Your mother has nada zero zilch say in your feeding schedule anyway.
Nair, Lol no hes already going to be having some straight from source, infact already accidently has and did not like it because it not proper milk yet
The breastmilk would kill any extra nasties off anyway & as long as you wash and sterilise bottle, the sterile issue is mute.
I expressed in early days & it was a godsend to my sanity. Newborns need feeding every 2-3hrs & in the early days the feeds took a whole hour leaving just half hour/hour for me.
If you do introduce a bottle though make sure it's regular. We stopped for a week & then he refused them! So hard once you've gotten used to a bit of 'freedom'
I agree with mrsterry
Wait and see how it goes.
In theory though yanbu and definitely your mum has no say.
Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with combination feeding but I don't want to open up that debate (there's nothing wrong with any choice re feeding of course, as between bf, ff or combination)
Up to you but imo there is a difference between doing it for you so you can get a bit of kip/go out and doing it so your dh gets to feed baby as well. If you find expressing easy and produce extra milk and baby takes bottle then great, but often at least one of those is not the case in which case it is a massive pain in the arse. To do it just for your dh to get to give her a bottle could be a massive pain. My dh wanted the same first time round but i soon realised it was no use to me and just more work and stress. By baby number 3 i was expressing for a milk bank but by then dh wasnt bothered anyway. Encourage him to do bathtime/dressing baby/nappy change as ways to interact. Dont promise now what you might not be able to or want to do when baby is here, is my top tip
However you choose to feed is absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. Whether you ebf, or FF, or express.
There is nothing wrong with expressing so your DP can help and want to get involved. It is best to wait a few weeks though to help your baby get established though (when I say few, maybe 4?) so there is no nipple confusion - and of course there is the danger that your baby will refuse a bottle but you have no way of knowing that.
I planned to breastfeed but my DD was 6 weeks premature, so I had to express so we could tube feed. I found it hard as I was just expressing and not actually feeding. You need the hormone released by the baby feeding to help with supply but if you are feeding anyway this shouldn't be an issue.
As for not sterile, what? Breast milk is sterile, the bottle if sterilised correctly is sterile. Ignore
My DP loved feeding our DD and its up to you, tell your mother to butt out.
Express if you want - but don't bow to pressure from your husband to express if you find it hard.
Of course it's fine. However I found it incredibly hard to find the time to express early on (it's VERY boring) and when I eventually did she refused to take a bottle anyway. So just bear that in mind.
Listen to Mrs TP. Get baby , home and settled. Another nice way for dads to bond with babies is having them next to their skin. My DD fell asleep regularly on her dad's chest. In my experience in the first few weeks I wouldn't express. Just take it one day at a time.
In the early days expressing is another thing to learn, to find time for etc. So unless you need to in order to get a bit of extra sleep I would say don't do it for dh. Not for the first month anyway, you've got enough new things to be learning and getting your head and body around without doing this just for him to have a shot.
What worked well for us was putting dh in charge of baths from day 1. He sorted the kit, planned them, did them. It was something I could totally not even worry about and gave him something to become the expert in.
He was also 100% in charge of shopping and cooking for us. While I fed ds.
You don't both have to do everything, you can split the duties.
It's not your mothers place to raise objections, so I would say that her objections aren't valid no matter what they were. It's not difficult to store milk, it shouldn't affect your supply, and it's ridiculous to suggest that it's unfair on the baby.
Some people find pumping easy, others don't. Once you're established, gve it a try and see how it is for you. Only then will any of you know what's the right thing to do, but there's definitely no harm in trying, and it's nice that your dp wants to help, not at all selfish. As long as you aren't put under pressure too soon or if it's too difficult.
Personally I had loads of milk but could barely get any out with expressing.
Wait until you have feeding and supply well established (6-8 weeks) as baby will want to feed lots, almost constantly in ds2's case, until then. In my experience it is useful for baby to be able to take a bottle just in case you want or need them to be looked after by someone other than you at all ever. That said, I hate pumping and only do it if I plan to pop out and leave baby ever. And now I am going back to work I will express for when I am at work.
Feeding isn't necessary for bonding though, my youngest adores his daddy. Daddy is the fun one, I'm the one with the boobs!
I think in the early days you are supposed to be better off exclusively breastfeeding so you can establish your supply but after you've done that you will probably welcome the sleep you can have while your DH takes over a feed. A friend did this and she fed the baby then went to bed at 8pm then her OH did the 11pm feed and went to bed and she got up the rest if the night. Worked for them.
We planned to do this. It it turned out that expressing was a huge pain in the arse so we didn't bother. My husband still bonded brilliantly with our daughter. When on maternity leave they always had half and hour (or longer) period just the two of them while I had bath when he get home from work and everything else was shared at the weekend.
I would just see how it goes.
Do it if YOU find it easier.
For some women expressing is great, easy and means they can get a break or some more unbroken sleep.
For others it's very stressful and hard to fit into the day, and/or they don't produce much when expressing.
Don't make up your mind or make any promises just yet. Don't do it because your DP wants you to. Focus on getting BF working well and see how you feel after that.
Your mother has no say but IMO your DP doesn't either. How you feed your baby is your choice.
Op I think your mother is right.
Expressing is a hassle, and your OH wanting a turn at feeding baby is not a good enough reason.
There are plenty ways that your partnet can bond without feeding.
3am- not a very constructive comment!
OP- totally not unreasonable to express if you want to! I did for a bit but DS often wouldn't take a bottle and he was/is such a poor sleeper that in the end I found expressing was an additional strain and gave up. However, at some point past 6 months DP started giving him a bottle of formula a night and although there were several torturous weeks of bottle refusal he now loves it. If I have another DC I would definitely give expressing another go as that 20 minutes alone in the evening is really nice!
It's lovely that you will have so much support from your mum and sister, but surely how you want to feed your baby is none of your mums business? I'd just be wary that if your Mum is this against a bottle of expressed milk now, then how stressed are you going to be if you decide for whatever reason that breastfeeding isn't working for you and you want to try formula. Is she going to be supportive of your decisions?
Expressing is definitely a pain, but if you want to do it then go for it. But do it because you want to, not because your DH wants to feed the baby.
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