to think that DPs ex should look after child off school

(104 Posts)
LillaW Mon 16-May-16 10:49:31

AIBU to think that if my DPs ex keeps their son off school today then she should have arranged the child care - even though it is DPs day to have children. Ex doesn't work and keeps the kids off school at slightest sniffle then expects my DP to take day off work/arrange child care at the drop of a hat. I am divorced and have 50:50 custody of my DCs with my ex - we have an understanding that if you keep the child off school you are responsible for child care no matter who's "day" it is to have the children.

Fourormore Mon 16-May-16 10:52:46

How can she have kept them off school if it's your DPs day to have them?
I have one day a week where it's my morning and ex's afternoon so if they are off sick, I take the morning off, he takes the afternoon off.
If the child is well enough, just take them into school? If they're off with every sniffle then their attendance record is going to be poor.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 16-May-16 10:54:39

YABU. If the child is sick, they can't attend school. Whoever's day it is needs to arrange childcare. If, when the child arrives they are better, or the parent with care decides they are well enough to go in, then they can take them into school late and explain the circs.

WorraLiberty Mon 16-May-16 10:58:21

I'm confused too.

Do you mean it was your DP's afternoon/evening to have the DC after school, and now she's aske him to take a whole day off work?

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls Mon 16-May-16 10:59:03

YABU, she's not "keeping him off", he's unwell!

LopsyB Mon 16-May-16 11:01:17

It's still me as OP, just had username change! I agree that if child isn't well enough then they shouldn't go to school, just think that if ex makes the decision in the morning (and as she doesn't work) that it is her responsibility- that's how I work things with my ex - I think I am just expecting her to be reasonable when she isn't.

LopsyB Mon 16-May-16 11:03:04

It's DPs day from 9am but obviously that doesn't generally affect things during normal term time as DCs are at school.

cinnamonorange Mon 16-May-16 11:04:06

YANBU, the person who makes the call deals with the consequences.

Fourormore Mon 16-May-16 11:07:55

If it's your DPs time from 9am then no, she isn't being unreasonable to expect him to make arrangements to care for his child if the child is actually sick.
If the child is not actually sick then your DP needs to take the child to school as soon as possible.

LopsyB Mon 16-May-16 11:08:34

Thx cinnamonorange - although I can see others point of view - I guess I just expect her to do things the same as me - because I am always rightgrin

WorraLiberty Mon 16-May-16 11:08:47

Well I don't know if Yabu or not.

But you do seem to be assuming that just because she's a SAHM, she has absolutely nothing else to do today, that might require childcare.

That in itself is unreasonable.

LopsyB Mon 16-May-16 11:11:54

I have suggested that fourormore as I suspect it's the usual mondayitis, but I try not to interfere as it's not my place.

soapboxqueen Mon 16-May-16 11:15:13

I think they need to come to some sort of agreement rather than dealing with these situations in an ad hoc basis and getting irritated by it.

If their agreement is that your dp is reasonable by 9am then that's it. What she is doing with her day after that is none of your business. She and your dp could come to an arrangement if she doesn't work but she doesn't have a responsibility towards your dp to help him out. It would be nice maybe but that depends on their relationship.

If the child isn't ill they can still go into school late

flowery Mon 16-May-16 11:15:31

If a child needs to be off school and has two parents, one who works and the other who is a SAHP, it would surely be very unusual circumstances for the working parent to need to take a day off to look after them? That seems odd.

LopsyB Mon 16-May-16 11:15:39

Oh worraliberty she's still got a younger child at home, not DPs, so it's not as if she is due to be climbing Mount Everest today - just think she can't be bothered to look after both, but maybe IABU to expect her to have same principles as me

Fourormore Mon 16-May-16 11:16:33

just think she can't be bothered to look after both, but maybe IABU to expect her to have same principles as me

Yeah, YABU.

Fourormore Mon 16-May-16 11:18:08

Presumably your DP is now looking after the poorly child. If your DP is responsible for the child from 9am and thinks the child is ill enough to be off school then that's kind of the end of it isn't it?
I'm not normally a "keep your nose out" person when it comes to step parenting but you seem to be creating an issue where there isn't one here.

EarthboundMisfit Mon 16-May-16 11:18:49

Technically, she's in the right, but it'd be nice if she tried to be more accommodating.

LopsyB Mon 16-May-16 11:18:55

I shall go back in my box then, always interesting to hear how other people work these situations though smile

Arkhamasylum Mon 16-May-16 11:20:09

^^
Yep.

TheSanFranciscoKid Mon 16-May-16 11:22:36

It's still me as OP, just had username change! I agree that if child isn't well enough then they shouldn't go to school, just think that if ex makes the decision in the morning (and as she doesn't work) that it is her responsibility- that's how I work things with my ex - I think I am just expecting her to be reasonable when she isn't.

but she's not your ex. So your situation isn't relevant. Does your dh ever have kids in mornings on a school day or does he have 50/50 care because if he never has school day morning drops off that would be really unfair. If the kid isn't sick take him to school

Arkhamasylum Mon 16-May-16 11:22:37

Sorry, that was a 'yep' to the 'principles' remark from Fourormore.

angielou123 Mon 16-May-16 11:22:41

If he doesn't have her til after school anyway, then the mother who kept her off should keep her until then, surely?

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Mon 16-May-16 11:23:57

YANBU. She's a SAHM ffs, she can look after her child without her ex having to take time off work. Some common sense wouldn't go amiss here.

TheSanFranciscoKid Mon 16-May-16 11:24:11

^ just think she can't be bothered to look after both, but maybe IABU to expect her to have same principles as me^

It's not really about principles is it? confused

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