Sorry about the long post, but i think a bit of background is needed. I have a 12 week of ds. My dp is French and his parents live in France (they are divorced). When ds was born MIL came over to help out, I had an emergency C-section and i was in a lot of pain for the first 4 weeks. My relationship with her was quite nice before i got pregnant, but since i got pregnant she became very obsessive and wanted to know all the details which i found very intrusive. She also suffers from anxiety, is very insecure about herself and very awkward socially eg would not even talk during dinner/mealtimes etc. She stayed for the first 7 weeks with us after ds was born, during this time i felt really undermined and judged by her eg each time baby was crying she made me feel it was my fault by making lot of snide remarks, eventually it led to a big outburst towards the end of her stay. So our relationship is very poor at the moment and I feel extremely disturbed about the little outburst we had. My relationship with my FIL is much better he is pretty relaxed and easygoing i enjoy spending time with him, however he is also very obsessive about our ds. I understand they want to be part of our ds life as he is their first grandchild and since my dp is an only child there is additional pressure/obsessiveness.
I am from a different culture too and my parents live abroad too. They have not visited us so far and are not planning to visit us anytime soon due to personal reasons.
The reason i am posting is that my dp would like his parents to visit us every month and stay with us over a long weekend, since they are divorced they would visit separately, so we will one person coming at a time each month. I do not like this arrangement 1) because of the episode i had with my MIL i still quite disturbed and upset with her i cannot imagine seeing her anytime soon but i dont want dp to be sad so i am ready to compromise 2) i really find my PILs presence overbearing i feel suffocated by there presence as they do not respect my presence, ever since ds is born they just completely ignore my presence and just want to spend time with ds 3)I would not mind having them more around but since ds was born they have become extremely obsessive about him and i find it quite unhealthy and intrusive.
So i suggested my dp that they can visit us for a long weekend a month at a time and then give 2 months break in between were none of them visit us. AIBU to ask this?
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86 replies
MuniK · 15/05/2016 16:19
OP posts:
harrisntasha ·
15/05/2016 16:39
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